Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

So on that basis, if a female nursery worker is changing a male baby's nappy, a chaperone should be arranged?

The majority of those will be an interest in teenagers. That’s not good and very grim but it’s a total lie to make out that 1 in 35 has a sexual interest in nursery aged children.

Because some children prefer male workers.
Some children with complex needs and challenging behaviour , are physically much stronger than me and a male worker can help to safely restrain
They can also provide a positive male role model in the lives of children that don’t have one.

Women do too but at a ratio of 1 women to 99 men. Therefore objectively the presence of a man there increases the risk to the children by 100 times.

They do have protocols so nappies aren’t changed in a locked room or something. As others have said many times, sexual abuse tends to happen in the home, not in a busy nursery setting.

Probably yes, or changes should be done in the main room in sight of everyone (maybe they are in some nurseries I don’t know my DC went to a school nursery fully toilet trained).

So if he wants to rape older children you're good with him caring for babies?

I am a survivor of csa and when my friend had a child I would help with changing nappies. It brought up
all sorts of uncomfortable feelings related to the csa. I thought that changing a nappy was invasive of the babies privacy (iyswim) but over time I calmed down and realised that changing a nappy is a million miles from
csa (unless you are a paedophile) so I relaxed then and just got on with looking after the baby.

But I’m not sure I am ok with telling op that she should just accept a male doing this for her child when she is so uncomfortable.

I know it is a question of resource but when you think about it babies should never be changed by someone who is unsupervised. There should always be someone else present - for both men and women.

And an aggressive and unwarranted reframing of a perfectly measured comment.

Oh, I didn’t know this. It is good to know.

I think this is like one of those threads where everyone insists them and everyone they know takes their shoes off before entering the house. 🤣
OP no one wants a bloke changing their kids nappies!!

Yes, your comment was unwarranted and certainly unpleasant.

However, mine was just factual and correct.

Okay but let’s say that nappy changing is supervised or done in an area where no opportunity to sexually abuse the child. It’s still someone providing intimate care to someone of the opposite sex no? Why is it not a problem when a woman does it?

Hilarious that a terrifying majority of people on this site won't share stalled toilets with transwomen but would be more than happy for a man to perform intimate care on an infant or toddler in a famously understaffed, poorly qualified and strained sector which is so struggling for staff that it could easily be exploited by a predatory male. People here are fucking nuts.

OP, you aren't mad. I wouldn't be okay with it either tbh. I recognise you can't ban men from working in the sector but I see no reason for men to have to change nappies of little girls and babies. Vast majority of sexual predators and paedophiles are men.

It's shocking that as an intelligent person who is a 'medic' ( a doctor?) that you are so blind to this situation.

Professionally qualified medics work within a code of ethics and

It's expected in this society for males and females to work in care quite interchangably

patients now have the authority to ask for a same-sex member of staff to examine them. So despite your own experience and beliefs, the situation has changed.

The point you are missing is that a baby is not an adult with a voice and agency.
There are safeguarding issues here.

You're also missing the point that very few men go into nursery care work.
And, that historically and statistically, men who are abusers and paedophiles choose work where they have access to children.
Children's homes? Choir boys and vicars? PE teachers with boys? Scout masters with boys? A vast number of Catholic priests?

Has all of this passed you by?

The mum here did not have a crystal ball- she didn't know or expect a male nursery asst to be employed. And IMO the nursery should be mindful of how parents should feel.

The posts are shocking! Ofcourse men pose a higher risk to children than women! There have been many cases of biological fathers molesting their own children so having a stranger would be a much higher risk! I would never put an unknown stranger in a scenerio where they could hurt my child. Why is this man’s feelings worth more than the safety of OP’s child?

i obviously wouldn’t say this in real life as I would be more PC but if I saw a male at a nursery my mind would definitely go there.

Amused that that's the only thing I've said on this thread that you could find to disagree with. Which says a great deal about the strength of our respective arguments. However, yes, there have been some rude and hyperbolic posts on both sides of the debate, so I will rephrase that as 'mostly' polite and reasoned. And in contrast to some of the things I've heard men say about men in childcare, my point still stands.

I've done personal care work on men whilst studying and examined patients of both sexes as a medic. It's expected in this society for males and females to work in care quite interchangably (there may be specific settings where this is not appropriate)

This doesn’t seem quite right. You cannot have a male work with vulnerable women alone, surely?

There was a recent case in Ireland where a man raped up to 21 women in care homes he worked at (Emmanuel Adeniji if you want to read up on the particulars of the case).

He had targeted women with dementia, he was only caught because one woman seemed to have remembered and reported it.

Safeguards need to be in place for anyone working with vulnerable people.

That doesn’t even make any sense. Most of the men who leer at teens and shout inappropriate stuff at 13 year olds tend not to be nursery workers. I’d take a closer look at the building and white van trade if you want to combat the issue.

"If you'd had a little boy would you have objected to a woman wiping his bum?"

Women are far more caring and far less sexually active than men. Stop pretending men and women are the same. Men commit 99% of sex crimes.

Although statistically, provably and factually women are far far far far far less likely to sexually assault children, it makes perfect sense to have safeguards for women too. No woman needs to do this unsupervised.

And men shouldn't be doing it at all.

Okay but let’s say that nappy changing is supervised or done in an area where no opportunity to sexually abuse the child. It’s still someone providing intimate care to someone of the opposite sex no? Why is it not a problem when a woman does it?

Do you really need it spelling out?

Because by and large, women do not go fiddling around in little baby girls' vaginas, or playing with little boys' penises.

And the idea that all contact is supervised is laughable. There are always ways of getting round things if someone is determined.

And?
Male carer equals some child perv*rt or what?
😐