Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

4th google result is a woman.

Take your sexism elsewhere

Sure. But while you are advocating for mothers to turn off their maternal instincts, there are some of us who remain responsible and we refuse to kowtow to this nonsense.

https://amp.abc.net.au/article/102931896

I can't believe in this day and age you even think it is right to ask this. You do know that there are females who abuse children. You are being completely ridiculous and setting your daughter up to have a fear of men.

Literally no one here thinks 'female = safe'.

However the numbers show us that female is statistically much safer.

Maybe just a little bit of sarcasm 😀

Someone forgot to take a statistics class …

it is not sexist to point out that men are much more likely to sexually abuse children.

It's rather new, male carers in nurseries, but I don't think it's wrong. I see men in pictures of my DGC nurserie, first thought it was a dad helping on an outing 😅 so yes we're not used to it. Equality has to work for both sexes. You can't insist on equal job opportunities for women if you want to exclude men. When I was a child doctors were male, nurses female. Secretaries were female, bosses were male. Engineers were male of course, preschool teachers only female. I think it became better for everyone 💝

Nursery staff are not HCPs.

Statistics and facts are not ‘sexist’, it’s very clear that men are far, far more likely to be child abusers than women are. 🙄

Most of the women are doing it at the behest of a male. Having said that, statistically it’s the male who’s the perp. But yeah, ignore the truth. I’m happy and my conscience is clear because I would never ever put my child in harm’s way to play to some woke nonsense about equality.

https://amp.abc.net.au/article/102931896

OP, your response is perfectly rational. There is a lot of data on this, all easily accessible from government and Ministry of Justice sources and covering England and Wales.

96% of sex offenders whose crimes are discovered, reported, make it to court and are found guilty are male. Huge numbers of men commit sexual offences that are never discovered, reported or fail to reach court. Sexual offences are on the rise. This is the scenario not just in the UK but all over the world.

Given the fact that almost all sex offenders are male, we have formally and informally created a safeguarding system to try to protect women and children (who are the vast majority of victims). It's the main historical why nurseries have traditionally been staffed almost entirely by women (there are others including the low pay and the low status attached to such work). It's the reason why we have separate male and female loos and changing rooms. Because it's safer for everyone. Decent men understand this and wouldn't want to run the risk of being accused of predatory behaviour by going into women's single-sex space. The men who want to get into women's single-sex spaces are the ones we need to worry about. And given that most nurseries are run entirely by women, this man stands out.

Male sexual predators often plan their lives around opportunities to abuse. Trainee social workers are asked to look around their class to try and identify the abuser(s) among them — because professions like social work attract people looking for opportunities to abuse. Think of all the Scout leaders, sports coaches, church leaders, children's home workers and so on who have been found guilty of abuse. Think Jimmy Savile and his hospital visits to vulnerable children...

So, OP, every concern you're feeling about this man at the nursery is justified by reality. You are finely tuned to protecting your little girl. Your gut is telling you that this guy is a potential danger. And you're right, he is statistically more dangerous when it comes to sexual assault than the women in the nursery. That doesn't mean he's actually a sexual predator or that he will assault your child, but the fact is that he's far more likely to do so than a woman. It's nothing personal about him as an individual, except for his sex.

All the women here prioritising equality over women and children's safety are trashing safeguarding. In an age when child porn, cameras and the internet are spreading like wildfire: when ordinary 'nice' men are watching extreme porn on a nightly basis: and when women are falling over themselves to be kind to dodgy blokes (drag queen story time anyone?) women have to be even more careful then ever. Unfortunately. No one is sadder about that than me.

If I were you, OP, I'd ask the nursery lots of questions about safeguarding, about staff not being allowed to take children off privately and so on. I'd make it very clear, and keep repeating, that this is about the statistical risk, not about the individual concerned. It's not pleasant for him: it's not his fault that people of his sex commit almost all the sexual offences. If he's a really decent man, he'll understand the concerns and won't take it personally. But none of us should be putting our kids at risk because we want to be nice.

Sorry for the length of this. It's a serious issue and it deserved a serious response.

Thank you for stating the bleeding obvious.

I find these threads frustrating in how many try to argue against this simple fact.

Ffs.

Does it really need spelling out, the fact that all humans (and even most animals know) have known instinctually for millenia?

Men have an appendage that they rather enjoy putting in things. Normal, decent men don't put it anywhere it isn't wanted.

Unfortunately there is a scarily large number of men that aren't decent, and some of them want to put their appendage in children. Small, weak ones who can't fight back or even verbalise what's happening to them are a fan favourite. It happens so often that the press don't even bother reporting it anywhere but locally.

On the other hand, it is so vanishingly rare for a woman to get a kick out of this that it makes national headlines if it does happen.

It is a fact that the majority of pedophiles are men.

It is a fact that most pedophiles remain undetected for most of their life.

It is a fact that pedophiles are attracted to jobs that give them access to children.

It is fact that most caught pedophiles were a family member or are known to the family, not because unknown men AREN'T pedophiles or pose less risk, but just because these are the children those men had the easiest access to.

If you don't like the equality laws in the UK, use a female childminder or get a female nanny. You do have choices.

Again why are you repeatedly posting about a case in Australia?

In terms of paedophilic nursery workers the most high profile one was female. Peadophiles would be unlikely to target children at work anyway and would be a much higher risk to their own children or wider family or friends.
The idea that any man working with children is not decent is beyond disgusting and I suggest you return to the 1960s or whatever. We need male childcare workers and they provide excellent role models, particularly for boys.
The vagina is internal so nobody is going to see it. Learn some basic anatomy.
Nursery age children don’t have a “right” to same sex care, no, and it is not the same as an adult requesting it.

I feel like the responses on this thread are an excellent example of why so many men do f all childcare even of their own kids.

So, so many people with the idea that it’s wrong/unnatural for men to provide care. You can frame it in terms around risk of abuse but really it’s about an ingrained idea many women have that this is women’s work and of no interest to men. It follows from that thinking that only reason a man could want to do it is in order to abuse children.

I doubt anyone particularly wants to change nappies (male or female) but I believe both could get satisfaction out of a career caring for young children and helping them develop in their early years. I was actually really pleased our nursery had some male staff & our primary school male teachers. I feel like it’s good for kids to see in their day to day life outside home that both men and women can provide care, clean up after activities etc same as at home. Nurseries should have safeguarding in place to avoid 1:1 intimate care by changing in the room with other staff or staff taking several kids to loo together etc. Assuming they are in place the nursery setting is surely going to be less risk than leaving child alone with a male family member/friend. Most people would do that on basis they know/trust the person but that’s also how most children are abused.
I genuinely don’t think people with concerns are basing them on reasoned risk analysis but on some deeply buried but insistent ideas about gender roles and a knee jerk reaction it’s wrong to deviate from them

All this BS about discrimination and equality.

Do we really think the men are going to be heartbroken if they're rostered onto lunch packup while the women change a couple of dozen dirty nappies?

I can see it now. Marching on the streets, fighting for their human right to mop up baby shit 🙄

This is quite straightforward, the nursery is equal opportunities employer, you do not agree with that, so your choice would be to get a female nanny.

This has nothing to do with female sexuality. It's about protecting a little girl from intimate contact from an unknown man. Only nonces and their defenders think there's any sexuality on the victim's part involved.

“Women keep themselves untouched entirely” 🤢

that is your problem, you are viewing your daughter as an object.

Vanessa George wasn't just doing it 'at the behest of a male '. She was getting off on it. They shared vile fantasies repeatedly over a period of time. You're telling me she was coerced into that by a man she'd never met?

Equality doesn't override safeguarding.

Most sexual abuse happens in children's own homes sadly.

My son was at nursery 14 years ago and there was a young male working there possibly a second one and 2 male close friends are TA in primary school and have been for years.

It's not only woman that do childcare now.

This with bells on.

I agree with you OP and I would prefer a female to be doing it for all the reasons above.