Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

Advertisements for PE teachers of specific sexes are protected by legislation. Advertisements for nursery workers aren't. It was also established by government several years ago that nurseries did not have to accede to parental demands that their children" nappies were not changed by a male worker.

I used to work at a nursery where the room leader was a man. We had a little Muslim girl and only women were allowed to change her. It wasn't a problem and the wishes were respected. Just speak with them, they probably had no idea.

Has anyone mentioned Vanessa George yet? The female nursery worker who was also a pedo and abused many young children in her care?
( sorry have not waded through 20 pages of thread )

while there are less men your statement is incorrect. I work across the nursery sector and the vast majority have men working there.

@YellowCloud speaks a lot of sense. I work in a similar field to her and she has voiced all of my concerns far more eloquently than me.
And those saying he will have been DBS checked, that only shows if someone has been caught previously, it doesn't show if they have a propensity to offend.
I'd rather be cautious than ' cool with it'.

If your child has a male teacher at school and had toileting issues the teacher would be responsible. This is no different. I knew a man who worked in a nursery years ago and he didn’t do the nappies. His manager thought it would cause more trouble with parents. Not equal though..,

This. The hysteria on this thread is so worring. This is because men don't work in childcare and it is not seen as the norm. All dads are men.

I was coming onto say just this. And also the female nursery worker who has been jailed this week for killing baby.

Silly person alert. Boy children are safer with any random female than with any random male. Lived human experience of thousands of years and crime stats show this to be true.

To me, it's very straightforward. The rights of a few men in childcare not to (allegedly) have their feelings hurt by being denied the dubious honour of nappy changing, do not override women's rights to feel their child is safe. Equality and breaking down of sexist stereotypes is a wonderful thing, but where its misappropriated as another means for men's 'rights' to override the safety concerns of women and girls, we need to do some serious reflection on cost/benefit, who it benefits and who it costs.
Nappy changing is one small aspect of a career in childcare. A man not performing this task will have countless other ways to fill his work day within the nursery. It will make no difference to his ability to contribute, bring value to the role, break down stereotypes or advance in his profession. So why are we insisting that some women should be caused anxiety by insisting he be allowed to? Why are concerns about male pedophiles a problem for women to get over, rather than for decent men to acknowledge and understand and agree to work around?

YABVU and discriminatory

I wouldn’t be happy either, OP. Apparently there are Reddit threads where men discuss getting turned on (albeit unwanted) while changing their kids. This is a very unsafe situation for your daughter and I would step in immediately.

I feel like people on here are being deliberately obtuse.

Children of any sex are statistically alot safer with females than males. Not all men are predators, but look at any statistics on CSA crimes and it's overwhelmingly males.

That's a rather weird response. So you are basically saying that although the over whelming majority of sex offenders are men in any situation, we should increase the number of men in care giving roles (effectively increasing the risks for the vulnerable) to see if the numbers go down? Ok.

Let’s repeat the statistics so people in the back of the room can hear like @Littlemisscapable

1 in 10 children are sexually abused

The national crime office estimates that 1 in 35 men have a sexual interest in children- but academic research suggests it might be even higher. The sex of the child is irrelevant.

Why are you risking your child’s safety? It’s the most important role you have as a parent. My boss had it happen to his child and he is devastated. He will never get over it.

Wake up!

@mirax you're the silly person- that's not fair

Poor poor man and his poor feelings. I bet he'd feel soooo discriminated against having a few less nappy changes to do.

@EasternEcho you literally talked about the ratio of men working in childcare to abusers?

I want everyone ‘cool’ with this situation to do a Google image search for ‘daycare worker charged with sexual assault’ and see who pops up. It is as expected (even a couple of trans ‘women’ there too … )

Yes, and? If a small number of men working in childcare produce more offenders than the large number of women, how does increasing the number of men do anything but increase the risk for the vulnerable?

@WannabeHealthier do you suggest that families exist in poverty, lose their housing etc because one parent MUST stay home? Let me guess which parent it should be...

Because children are children. Most religions even recognise this hence 4 year olds not being expected to cover up like women are.

I wouldn’t be happy with that either. I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

Vanessa George always gets trotted out on these threads like some bingo moment. The ONLY reason that made big news is because she was a woman and it so so rare.

Furthermore it has NEVER happened with a woman without a man hanging round her sphere, somehow involved. In her case, Colin Blanchford was pushing her to do it for his pleasure. Despite their being a TINY number of male nursery workers comparatively to women, they have committed many times more offences. But they rarely make headlines. In recent times off the top of my head we’ve had:

Jayden Mc Carthy
Paul Wilson
Richard Turner
Craig Ordish
Jamie Chapman
Declan Norman
Christopher Downs
Jason Dabbs
Andrew Evans
Alexander Mortimer

And these are only ones that made the news. So can we all just stop pretending Vanessa George shows us that ‘women are just as likely to be peodophiles’ please? Because she doesn’t.

If you can’t see that women make up 98% of the childcare workforce and the 2% of men that do make up 99% of the sexual abuse cases then you need to open your eyes and stop wailing about Vanessa George and ‘lesbian's’ ffs.

Yes but you have a right to request a female doctor/nurse and it's very common for this to be specifically offered for intimate examinations or concerns. I don't think it's unreasonable for you to ask that only women do intimate care for your daughter OP-and I'd be interested in the nursery's response.

I want to say that I'd be fine with a male member of staff changing my daughter and I do support the equality of men in caring roles - but if I'm honest it would certainly give me pause for thought when I first found out so I don't think it's unreasonable for OP to be finding it uncomfortable. And yes, I think they should have informed parents about a new staff member, man or not.