Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

It's not discrimination to safeguard children from rapists and pedos. She has a right to same sex care.

Most pedos are men.

@justafleshwound2024 oh fuck off will you. Scaremongering parents is not helpful.

If you don't want to send your children to nursery because you think it's too risky, don't. Frankly that leaves more places for the rest of us!

Changing a nappy or caring for a disabled person is not a sexual activity.
Trying removing that from your head.

Someone is assisting and CARING.

Yeah...go on, stick it to that uppity woman for daring to even raise a concen.

How dare any mother have concerns, past trauma or wariness of men deliberately gaining access to children.

Hope that male staff member of yours isn't one of the super ultra ultra rare predator types that get through the super secure and reliable DBS checks(snort), because it looks like you'd be sweeping any concerns under the rug quick smart, just to show how anti discrimatory you are.

The critical thinking skills on here 🙄
So we are suggesting that the chance of men being paedophiles is so high that they should be banned from working in nurseries, primary schools, children’s wards etc? Also fathers should not be allowed to change children’s nappies, bounce them on their knee or put them to bed unsupervised?
Just in case because we know what men are really like??! What utter craziness.

Raping a disabled woman and sexually assaulting children when nappy changing is a perverted/pedophile practice and is common.

Most pedos and sexual abusers are men.

Try getting that through your head.

Yes he should be able to. However he wouldn't, would he? Because AFAIK, there are no religious issues with women caring for small children in any faith. So your point is moot.

This is strange to read. Why are most people denying that men are a bigger risk to children, especially in a setting where they cannot speak?

A female worker changing a baby boy’s diaper is really not the same. Has everyone lost their senses????

There is a reason why we tell lost children to seek out women for help. We are just more trustworthy and less likely to harm the child.

Sorry but males in a care setting are riskier. There is a reason why they are usually not allowed to be present alone with vulnerable women in their care.

Did I say it was discriminatory to not want your child raped by a paedophile? Did you post this because you’re unable to actually reply to what I said?

I have to admit that I would have felt very uncomfortable if my DSs were changed by men when at nursery. It might not be logical or fair, but it is certainly the case that all the men I know change their own DCs but would not want to change other people’s DCs, whereas the women would be fine if asked. I’ve changed nieces and nephews - my DH would not do so.

So you expect male nursery staff to change your son’s happy? Good luck with that.

Your daughter isn't a woman though. She's a child. You are sexualising her.

I have issues with different sex carers in some areas but in nurseries there should be enough oversight that it doesn't matter.
I know some excellent male nursery carers who are definitely not "pedos."

Trying to constantly deflect because facts won't win the argument is very weird.

Trying to pretend we're not talking about men who seek out jobs where they have access to the genitals of other people's children is very weird.

Far from having my "feelz" hurt by a random stranger on the internet, seems more like @justafleshwound2024 has a personal vendetta. Refusing to listen to other viewpoints. If you're so bloody worried about all men being paedophiles then don't let your children out the front door as men are literally everywhere. Who knows who could be looking at your child in the wrong way. Honest to God.

I'm going to stop engaging with you now as you're obviously not worth entering into any kind of discussion with.

End.

Op, I live in Singapore and here, male nurses and nursery carers are absolutely not allowed to perform intimate care like bathing or nappy changing for female patients and in the nurseries, for all kids. Male doctors must always be accompanied by a female nurse when performing examinations that involve undressing. There is a reason for that - 99% of sexual crime is committed by males- and despite such precautions there are still cases of abuse. This doesnt mean the safeguards can be done away with. You may have religious reasons which I dont necessarily agree with, but your instincts when it comes to the protection of young children are 100% right, Dont let the silly people here gaslight you.

The rapists and pedos who sexualise children are sexualising her. The mother is trying to protect her.

Why do you want that safeguarding boundary stripped away?

That’s mumsnet for you. Where every man is a gaslighting abuser, every mother in law is narcissistic and every bride a bridezilla.

@justafleshwound2024 you are fucking insane. My brother worked at a nursery, he was inspired to do so by helping to look after my son.
Do you have such contempt for the work that you think the only reason a man would do it is because he's a predator?
Do little boys (and girls) not deserve nurturing safe male role models? It's no wonder we have toxic masculinity.

Hmm the number of votes on this post are odd. Jumped by quite a few hundred for this early in the morning.

Has this been shared with one of those dodgy incel/pedo sites again? Would explain some of the posts.

I'm confused by the responses here. There is a difference between men and women and a difference between a woman in a position of power and a man in a position of power. We know this. So there is a difference between a female carer changing a baby boy's nappy and a male carer changing a baby girl's nappy. I'm sure that he is lovely and all is fine, but it would make me feel a little uncomfortable. I'm not sure how it would be announced though, both from a tact and legal perspective (but I'm not an expert on either...😅)

Actually her offence is relevant and she is hardly derailing when you have made the insinuation on the thread. You can’t just insult people or their families with no basis. The fact that there may or may not be an increased risk of inappropriate behaviour from males doesn’t justify the leap you have made.

Oh this is just getting silly now..stop worrying. The man is dbs checked..he is an employee of the nursery..why on earth are people making such huge leaps ? Stop. We need more men in early years. There are lots of male doctors for example no one rushes to assume they have any malintent. Give your head a serious wobble. No wonder the nursery manager was cross.

I very much do have a personal vendetta against rapists and pedos and their handmaidens.

Refusing to listen to facts and derailing is very strange behaviour.

As you cannot win the argument with facts, it's fine that you resorted to childish ad hominem, as it just makes my points stronger.

Not that I need that, since the facts are already on my side.