Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

Gender is a social construct. Sex is not, and it's the sex of the person providing intimate care for babies and children that's the issue.

She may already have been mentioned, but...Vanessa George?

How dare you insinuate my husband may be a paedophile.

We have full access to each others' devices and there is nothing on there, thank you very much.

The fact you cannot comprehend that not all men who want to contribute to children's development have ulterior motives is the problem here. Being aware of the potential increased risk is one thing but automatically thinking any man in childcare needs all his devices checking "very, very carefully" is sexist.

And AGAIN. The fact that some women are predators doesn't alter the reality that most pedos and sex abusers are men and children are at far, far greater risk from men than women.

That's reality. It doesn't care how you feel.

You do have a choice - remove her from nursery if it’s that important to you. There’s no comparison between a female remaining sexually untouched by a male before marriage and a trained professional changing a babies nappy. You obviously don’t support men taking on caring roles as you are implying there is a sexual nature when a male cater changes a child’s nappy.

I agree with you. There is more chance of a male touching a child inappropriately than a female. I wouldn’t be happy with an unknown male changing my child’s happy when they were babies! I rather be safe than sorry something. Your daughter is very lucky to have a mum who thinks about possible dangers - my own mum didn’t.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2009_Plymouth_child_abuse_case

And yet 3 out of the 4 ring leaders were women.

Some people also seem to be confusing inaccurate gender stereotypes (men can't be sensitive and caring, women can't STEM etc.) with very real sex differences in every crime statistic to ever have existed.

My father was very hands on with us, a very sensitive man who wasn't afraid to show his emotions and did his share of domestic chores.

Once, when I was 8 and having a sleepover with my friends, my mother had to go to hospital. Despite previously caring for me and siblings just fine on his own overnight when this happened, he called my aunt and asked her to stay the night in the room with us girls in.

This is what I meant by most decent men avoiding situations where children who aren't their own are vulnerable. They do it instinctially, without really having to think about it. They move automatically to protect the children and themselves. Because they know they wouldn't want THEIR children in the care of an unrelated male either.

You like talking about how reality doesn't care how you feel, but you are the one being hysterical. There are many men working in childcare that - gasp - are normal functioning members of society that don't sexualise children.

I am not derailing the thread, I am giving another perspective. If you can't have a reasonable debate then maybe you are the one who should go elsewhere. Jesus.

I could not agree more. My jaw dropped reading that.

Some of these messages are truly gross. I for one strongly don't want my son to see only female caregivers, I'm extremely grateful some men work at his nursery to be role models to him (and that he has a wonderful hands on father). Sexism can get in the bin, frankly. We can't want it both ways.

Jesus Fucking Christ.
"Reports to the Royal Commission by victims and survivors revealed that 93.9% of institutional child sexual abuse was perpetrated by an adult man."

https://www.childsafety.gov.au/about-child-sexual-abuse/who-perpetrates-child-sexual-abuse#:~:text=Studies%20of%20child%20sexual%20abuse,sexual%20abuse%20was%20perpetrated%20by

I'm surprised by the responses here. I would not be happy with a male nursery worker changing my young daughters nappy.

I would also not be happy with a male midwife, or having a male nurse do my smear test. I am all for equality for both genders ( I work in engineering which is very male dominated field, and I support getting more women into this field), but I don't think men should be changing young girls nappies, or caring for young vulnerable girls (especially given the news of girls under the deprivation of Liberty order saying they have been abused by the male carers), or be prison guards in certain areas of female prisons (again plenty of news about malee abusing there power here).

For context I'm a working class protestant Christian born in the north of England.

Yes, rape and pedophilia is gross. Fathers have nothing at all to do with men who choose a job where they can access other people's children.

It's not remotely sexist to acknowledge the proven reality that most pedos are men and most pedos are predatory and absolutely will go out of their way to access other people's children.

This is exactly why pedo priests were covered up for years, pedo police, pedo teachers, pedo scout masters, this ignorant knee jerk defence of men at any cost.

Pedos go where children are. And most pedos are men.

How do you propose boys should be changed in nursery?

I get you have a certain religious background but you cannot impose your narrow mindset on the running of a nursery.

The whole proposition is just bonkers

This is a bit daft because as far as the op was concerned it was an all female nursery. This staff member is new.
I think a nursery would respect a child’s diet restrictions for religious reasons - I don’t think it’s unreasonable for op to ask that due to religious beliefs she only wants females changing her daughter’s nappy etc

This

@FirstTimeMummyHK I suspect if you check your religious texts you won’t find anything prohibiting men from tending to female toddlers.

Dads and grandads are also male, you’re surely not suggesting they shouldn’t do it either?

Many nurseries have a huge waiting list. If I were in charge of your nursery and you were discriminating against one of my staff because he was male I would be terminating your contract.

If there was actually a genuine recognised religious belief of this type then I imagine we would accommodate where possible since this is Britain and it would be the right thing to do.
What I actually think is that either OP (with her first post on mumsnet) is either stirring the pot or ill informed about her own religion and is actually just having discriminatory thoughts about men.

It's not discriminatory to want your daughter not to be raped or assaulted by a pedophile.

Most pedophiles are men.

Women can be pedophiles too. Anyone working with children is checked and has to follow safeguarding procedures. Obviously this isn't foolproof but it's a step.

Most abuse happens at home. Do you suggest we remove father's, uncles, grandads from a child's life too and just leave all rearing of children (only girl children some seem to be suggesting, apparently boy children don't deserve the same 'protection') to women?

Utterly, utterly bonkers.