Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

We have had 3 children through nursery. We have never been informed of staffs' sex according to nappies. And it shouldn't be an issue.

At the hospital you can meet a male night nurse and doctor? You don't want them to treat your kid? Or wait 8 hours til next skift?

If it's part of your religion you should have mentioned it before you started at the nursery. It's normal in the UK for male staff ito work nurserys. If this was your condition then I'm sure they nursery staff would have told you from the start this wouldn't work out. The nursery don't have to notify you about new staff.

If your ever in hospital and unable to do self care/ toileting. Their are just as many male hca as female so it's completely normal in adults to. These people are trained professionals who are fully dbs checked.

I would not be happy with this. You’re not on your own!

If you feel so strongly about protecting your child, she shouldn’t be in a nursery where strangers have access to her private parts. YABU.

Nah. It's revolting to pretend it's not true though.

She shouldn't be in a nursery where men have access to her private parts since most pedos are men and are predatory in their practices.

Fixed it for you.

I think OP you will be able to judge it better once you get to know the man

Oh here we go. We are not "dickpanderers" we are just mums of sons who don't want them to grow up with the attitude that caring roles are not for boys and it's for the women only to do all that! Girls are now encouraged to do STEM subjects and quite rightly too. So can boys not be encouraged into caring roles? How many of us moan that our husbands don't do any childcare? Because of this attitude that's why

I think some posters are extremely pleased with themselves/ smug that they know the word “vulva.” Technically that’s about as far as poo gets so they are trying to be pedantic about using that instead of vagina. Even though it’s patently clear what you mean.

But the magical DBS checks will save the children, don't worry at all. That instinctual screaming you feel in every cell of your body when a man deliberately puts himself in a position with access to very young children naked...shhh silly women, ignore that.

The man who raped me as a child was NOT a family member, not sure if it's ignorance or deliberate how many hold that stat up like a shield without understading it at all. It's just about easy access.

It is not a rare occurance. Most are not caught, and if they are, it doesn't tend to make the news. Most are just silently moved on after complaints.

And yeah, decent men avoid access to little children who arent theirs. Always.

Personally I wouldn’t have an issue but I think that it’s perfectly fine to ask for female only.

It would have been nice for the nursery to have introduced the new member of staff to the parents and for him to have had an induction where he does no personal care maybe for a week. That way he would have got to know the dc and the parents could express their views.

Stop pretending a possibly predatory stranger going out if his way to get access to dozens, if not hundreds of other people's children is the same as a father undertaking parental duties for the baby he fathered.

I don't know why you think you're winning any debate with this nonsense. You're not.

Don't be silly. Women tend not to commit sexual crimes.

You're not unreasonable at all tbh. I'd remove my DD from the nursery, others can take the risk of they want but I'd insist on single sex care for any non verbal female in my family whether it's my daughter or mother 🤷‍♀️

You might like to read this article from Safe Schools Alliance OP. You’re feelings are not unreasonable.

https://safeschoolsallianceuk.net/2019/09/21/parents-uncomfortable-with-male-practitioners-changing-their-childs-nappy/#:~:text=CSE%20%26%20CSA%20statistics%20show%20that,risk%20to%20children%20than%20females.

“It is not unreasonable to suggest that the provision of intimate care to children by males should be a safeguarding consideration. In light of male CSA statistics & the access that Early Years practitioners have to children, it would be irresponsible to not consider this issue.”

Almost every one is a male. 97% according to the link above.

Perhaps you can give us some helpful tips on working out which males are and which aren't. A pp gave you some stats which might help - e.g. 3 times more likely to be working with children.

If not, maybe don't judge women who want to reduce the risk as much as possible by reducing the number of men who have access to their babies in a state of undress.

I completely agree with OP - I would feel funny too, especially if it had been sprung on me. I think some of these comments are really judgey, when all the OP was doing was asking a question and doing so politely. I would fully expect to be consulted that there is a new male member of staff - for obvious reason that nobody seems to be willing to recognise. OP, I hope these comments have not put you off reaching out for support in the future

It's not that they're not decent, men are changing these days, some of them. They're learning gender is a social construct, etc

This thread makes me so sad. My DH works in a nursery. Does that automatically make him an insane and disgusting paedophile as so many on here are suggesting?? Changing nappies is just part of the job. The reason he went into nursery work is because he wants to give children the best start in life and be a good role model to them. He spends loads of his time coming up with activities and trips they can do that enable learning and prepare them for school. I frequently tell him I think he's nuts as I couldn't imagine anything worse (and we have two kids of nursery age too!) but he absolutely loves his job.

Tarring all men who may consider nursery work fulfilling with the same brush is unfair and frustrating, and I am so glad I moved to a country that celebrates men taking more of an active role in childcare. So narrow minded people are.