Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

This is what happens when you live in an over sexualised society. You start to see everything sexually, even babies.

It actually has nothing to do with religious beliefs though. The reason is simple: it's a risk, and no nursery should be taking this risk. Leave the religion out of this. Who wants a grown man changing a nappy of a kid?!?!?

No I don't think the poster does, she's aware that the sickos in society do though and whether you subscribe to the sexualisation of everything or not you can't control that some absolute wrongens out there do. The choice is to be blissfully ignorant until the damage is done or accept that society in these respects is doomed and protect yourself and the most vulnerable too.

You should address that to the men who rape babies, not to women who are trying to protect them. Being aware a child could be sexually abused isn't "seeing them sexually" ffs.

😃😃😃 and here, I was thinking age 16 was too young to have the sex talk.

I'd hazard a guess that 99% staff in this setting are females....you're not exactly going to hear about a man popping up in national news, will you?

No you not unreasonable @FirstTimeMummyHK
It is entirely your choice who changes your daughter and I suggest you request in writing that your daughter is not changed by the male!
I find it odd that in the nurseries situation they don’t put him in charge of the male children, which I’m sure there are plenty!

I’ve worked in care my whole adult life and male carers were always on shift with women, the women on shift did all the personal care on the females and the males were not allowed to.
The only reason women did personal care on males was out of necessity because there aren’t enough male carers!

You are within your rights to request that your daughter is always assisted by female staff, especially if for religious reasons !!

yes but religion also states that as long as it is fine for men if there is not a woman avail and it is for a certain need such as medical, legal etc so I’m sure this would qualify?
also it’s a baby? They will still be ‘untouched’ (not exactly a very nice sentence)

Exactly the point I'm trying to make...the risk exists, you know it does and yet you're willing to take it? I don't understand the mindset. I have two kids myself - I'd much rather protect them from any harm than cry about it post incident - all because I didn't want to offend other snowflakes by questioning what on earth is a man doing anywhere near a child? To those of you who are genuinely concerned, don't be afraid to raise your voice. Don't worry about offending others - as a parent, your responsibility is towards your child first.

Remember child abuse is a very real thing: it destroys you completely - so don't risk it. You owe it to your child.

what a disgusting comment.
shameful and sexist. There should be men in childcare.

Yes medical is different, and beside as a parent you'd be present there anyway. Whereas in a nursery, you're entrusting your child to a complete stranger. Just NO

If I see a man going in my child nursery, my kid is going home with me the very same day. Everything else can be dealt with afterwards. I don't care if it offends anyone.

What about your son’s penis…if you had a son?

Let’s hope the man haters never need medical help for their children, from oh, say, a paramedic, a paediatrician, need care in hospital from a male nurse.

And no, religion isn’t an excuse for being a bigot, although it’s quite often a reason.

Ultimately you can choose for your child to never interact with a man, but then I suggest you have your children via sperm donation and become a SAHM to protect them. Oh, and make sure you home educate in case there are male teachers in the school, refuse medical help from men thus risking your child’s life. §

Do you actually know what a stereotype is?

It's what makes young black men far, far, far more likely to be pulled over and questioned by the police when driving their own nice cars legally and safely at night.
Because most of them are car thieves, you see.

It's what makes customers - male and female - angry and phone straight back to ask if they 'think they're being funny' when they call a plumbing company and arrange for a job and they send a female plumber.
Because they're not strong enough, nor do they have the right kind of brain to learn the necessary skills or understand the job, you see.

It's what makes an employer actively choose a candidate with brown hair over one with blonde hair.
Because they're all thick, you see.

It's what causes a work group to not invite their Scottish colleague on a night out that they've all planned.
Because they're all tight and will sponge off everybody else instead of paying their way and getting their round in, you see.

There are thousands of them - and what they all have in common is that they're horribly negative, nastily reductive, grossly insulting and categorically not true for the vast, vast majority (and are usually just as true for a tiny, tiny minority of people who are not included in that stereotype group).

Do you really want society to work that way?

Take your attitude elsewhere. For centuries, and I mean centuries, it has worked just fine with women looking after little babies. A man has no role to play in a nursery.

Oh give over. I've been passionate about my views on this thread but I don't avoid men. We don't hate men or even think all men are predators, far from it but in a childcare setting you'd be absolutely negligent to take the risk of exposing one you don't know to your own child. The very key thing here is that they have actively applied for a role to have regular access to children.

Yes if it protects children I do.

Of course there can be a policy where by the male only changes certain childrens nappies. He’s the only male member of staff and he’d be out numbered hugely by female staff, I’ve worked in care where there was 1 male and 2 females on duty and never ever needed a male to change a female. He did the males and the females took care of the females. It really was easy. Nothing we were ever doing wasn’t easy to walk away from … he took over what we were doing and we popped to take care of the female, then we’re back within 5 minutes.
Of course parents can request that a female changes their daughter, it’s totally and legally within our rights!
it’s harder the other way round due to lack of male staff.

Go on, then, tell me why, as I'm genuinely not sure what you're driving at.

Is it because you think men are much better at them than women; or is it because it's not 'seemly' for a woman to earn her living doing such a thing?

The majority of nursing care is female.. (89%) They often do personal care.

Posters bringing up other profession into this and making this about race, religion, racism etc - you're literally clutching at straws here. There is no comparison with any of the professions mentioned above, not even a paramedic. We're talking about men changing kids nappies. Nothing else. Stay on topic and look at it objectively- it's just a NO. It was never acceptable throughout history and rightly so, and no amount of screaming, throwing your toys out of pram, should change that. There are millions of jobs for men - changing kids nappies isn't one of them, and vast majority have no interest init whatsoever. I'd question any man actively looking for a job in this setting.

I really don't think you can expect the nursery to pander to outdated, sexist belief systems that should have gone out with the ark!

Having an epic shit that apparently goes up into her vagina (never saw that in 3 years of nursery work) doesn't make her any less pure but having a male carer wipe it away does?

I'm sorry but in 3 years of changing a LOT of nappies I have never once been required to penetrate a child's vagina with a baby wipe to clean them. The folds of the labia yes but never the vagina.

Since we're all supposedly his children perhaps God ought to get off his damn arse and start changing some bloody nappies if this is all he has to worry about!

Anybody who is that risk-averse will never let ANYBODY else look after their child - and will quite possibly also home-school them for their whole education.

I guess they owe it to their children to keep them as safe as possible...

Why don't you volunteer and apply for one? No one is stopping you

You will be flamed @FirstTimeMummyHK but I'm not comfortable with it either. Due to my professional job I am more privy to stats around abuse and while women can and do abuse, men are far more likely to. There are many safe and caring male caregivers but I'm not comfortable with personal care like that.

In the area we used to live a male nursery worker abused many many dc before he was caught. He was the most popular staff member apparently and the parents loved him and felt it was great to see males in such caring roles...