Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

I presume you feel the same about women working outside of the home in any paid employment, then - except for, I suppose, ones involving looking after small children?

You've got to admit: it is a very strange way for a woman to want to spend her day, when she has laundry piling up at home and a dirty doorstep to be scrubbing at. She's clearly up to something dodgy.

It also worked perfectly well that way for centuries as well; not to mention democracy also doing just fine when it was only the rich men who decided all the important things for everybody else.

Actually parents have every right to insist their daughter isn’t cared for (personal care) by a male.
Why shouldn’t they?

I wouldn’t have a male do personal care on my DD!…. I’d also be pretty pissed off if the male PE teacher walked in the girls changing room!

Oh yes, it's so outdated and sexist to recognise that many men are paedophiles and that paedophiles will seek out jobs that give them access to children. Women, make your children available for intimate care by male nursery workers! Don't listen to your instincts, don't question, you might hurt his feelings.

As PP have said, this is Grooming 101.

Social do-gooders convinced they're moving on with times away from the "outdated"concept...but not one questioned why its always been this way...must be a reason as ti why, centuries after centuries people stuck with it but no, its "outdated" - Let's bring a change and move on with times!

OP literally said she had no concerns about him being a paedophile, its about girls being kept pure for marriage.

If personal care shouldn't be done by the opposite sex then by that logic women shouldn't be changing little boys.

For me it’s not even about whether he’s weird or not…. There just isn’t any need ever for a male to do personal care on a female. With staff ratios being so high there is likely 5 females on duty to that 1 male….. he can be given a different task, or can just do personal care on boys.

Absolutely! I got two great employees where I work, Lucy Letby and Beverley Allitt. Both come with excellent references. Someone brought up women's sexuality, well I have it on good authority from Queen Victoria that such non-heterosexual women simply don't exist.

One thing dangerous people love is people's biases and blind spots. They take full advantage of them, its a classic social engineering tactic, to look and sound like people expect and play the role with full confidence and authority

You can draw whatever comparions you'd like to, bring whatever else but the fact remains there is no comparison here....literally basic stats highlgiht the risk but no...you want to make it about gender, sexism and whatever else you have come up with.

This. Would it be a problem for a women to change your son's nappy?

My granddaughter was at a nursery in Brighton during lockdown. She was happy and content. It was a guy with makeup who always brought her to the pick up. Had absolutely no doubts. Granddaughter very relaxed and happy.

you’re sexualising a baby ffs with this crap thinking that all men sign up to abuse at nurseries

no it’ll be your husband, father or grandfather that will do that behind closed doors.

I agree.

In care ideally boys would have male carers! But due to the obvious lack of men in caring roles this isn’t possible!
However where there is a male on duty he should of course do the personal care on the males, Leaving the females to the female staff!
Where I worked we had a strict policy of no males doing personal care on females.

Oh, so you don't actually have an answer?

As it happens, I'm disabled and couldn't do any kind of job as physical as that - so whilst there is no-one stopping me, my body would. Even if I could, I don't know if I would find that industry appeals to me.

Don't misunderstand me: I'm absolutely not suggesting that anybody should be forced into a particular job or industry that they don't want to pursue; just that it should be an option for anybody who wants to and can do it.

Yes, there are relatively few jobs that are closed to certain people because of their sex - or even because of other characteristics (I can't see Benedict Cumberbatch or Maxine Peake being asked to play Nelson Mandela, talented actors though they are) - but the vast majority of jobs and industries need not be closed, unless people want to run the world on pointless (and often damaging) stereotypes and discrimination.

If you do prefer that, better just make sure first that you never find yourself the subject of any of those stereotypes.

Your religion / women keeping themselves untouched is not related to this in any way. That is sexual.

This is a baby having their nappy changed, either way someone (male or female) is going to need to clean your child.

YABU.

I strongly suggest you listen to before claiming paedophiles don't take jobs to get access to children.

There may not be a need, but the fact is that a nursery cannot lawfully have different rules for its male employees. If you are not allowing men to do personal care on girls, then you can't allow female staff to chage boys.I can see this could cause problems with not having enough male carers for this.

We have a level 3 male practitioner in our nursery but he doesn't perform intimate care routines. There was overwhelming push back from parents, and he himself prefers not to, which is sad.

he brings an awful lot to
the experience of the children. For many of ours they've never seen a man read a book!

what I will say to reassure you OP, nappy changing isn't a completely private routine in a nursery. We protect a child's modesty as much as possible whilst respecting the safeguarding requirements of our role so nappy changing areas are always visible by other adults in the proximity. We would also always ask for help of a child was distressed during changes. This is something any early years practitioner would want to ensure not just for the children, but for our own protection.

he can be given a different task, or can just do personal care on boys.

But considering that pretty much all men who want to work in childcare MUST be paedophiles, as we're reading on here, they might well still want to go after the boys too?

Given that usually 100% of nursery staff are female the issue doesn’t apply.
of course males should change males but it isn’t practical!
but where there’s one male in a staff group of likely more than 4 females there is no reason for a male to change a female …. And actually if you’re happy for your daughter to be changed by a male then that’s fine. But parents have the right to insist their daughter is not changed by a man!

Thanks for only quoting part of my statement!
I’ve clearly never said anything about men being paedophiles…. I am merely stating that in the care profession there is never an occasion where a man NEEDS to do personal care on a female… males are massively outnumbered by women, and women should do PC on the girls and when available men should do PC on the males.

Bizarre that posters are pretending that men aren't responsible for 98% of sexual crimes and it's totally the same as female staff changing a male child's nappy

No way would I be ok with this OP - I don't give a shit if it's discriminatory. When male offending rates mirror females I'll revise my thinking, but until then, no chance. I've no problem with men working with babies and small children, but I do have a problem with them carrying out personal care. I know a few people who would pass a DBS no problem but shouldn't be around small children.

YANBU. I'm surprised by the replies tbh.

Hello!

Who changes the baby boy nappies do you think.

But why did you deliberately invoke history - centuries and centuries of things being done this way - as 'proof' that it was the right way for things to be done until the end of time, but then very happily discard thousands of other things that have been done a certain restrictive way for centuries that don't fit your agenda as irrelevant?!

It would at least have been a lot more honest of you to say that now, in this current day in which we live, you don't believe that men should ever be interested in looking after children, rather than centring one tiny fragment of history as 'the only right way' and discarding all of the rest as dead and gone.

Your point being?