Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

You mean respectful as men by avoiding these sorts of job roles? The ones that should only ever be done by women?

And this sort of thinking protects children. Being woke just means predators think you're a mug but you carry on.

I completely agree with you. I'd not let any man, in any capacity, to change my kids nappy...just no.

This may come as a surprise to you but there are many roles, even in this day and age, that are pretty much gender specific.

Such as?

I wouldnt like it either and I wouldn't care what others think about that. Your only option is to change to a nursery with female staff only.

I do feel that by speaking up about potential risks to children from men in trusted positions, we may have made some naive parents wake up and potentially protect a child from SA

Again, it's very well known that men prey upon vulnerable.mothers to access their children so some may unfortunately be predators but equally as I've said, not all. I think you've missed the entire point of this thread- it's not saying ALL men working in nurseries are definitely predators but it's saying it's quite likely and not worth the risk. Please tell me how you'd feel if it turned out this man was a risk and you'd defended him being there because you're trying to sound big and clever? Or do you not care about children's safety? It's starting to sound like you don't.

Let's look at construction industry - why is it, almost exclusively, male dominated?

It's a difficult one. Yes, males are more likely to be peados, but females are more likely to kill your child, tough decision.

Where have you got that from?

So is it ok for male children to be changed by female staff then? By your reasoning NO.

No, I mean respectful as men by understanding why some parents may feel uncomfortable with them performing intimate care and being accepting of that and being aware enough of the male impact on this world to not take it personally since they're actively working in a positive way against that negative impact. Being respectful by centering the needs of the child and the parent than his own feelings and entitlements to help them feel safer. Which is really all op has asked for. That he can provide all other care bar intimate care. He can still perform his job and all other duties but hopefully be informed and aware enough to understand why someone may not feel comfortable with a him doing a nappy and respecting that decision as a reflection of what happens in society regularly, than a reflection on him personally.

Similar religious requirements, and no I would not be okay with this, but I do state it clearly (occasionally in writing) at the outset any time my dc are in any kind of childcare. If they’re acting annoyed by your fairly simple question than I personally would move nurseries to a more understanding one.

I can't take someone seriously who uses woke as an insult like that.

A shame since the OP was a genuine poster looking for supports.

She was, but she seemed to be coming at nurseries from a rather naive point of view that they would all know and be run according to her own (minority) religious beliefs - and then she was cross because they didn't abide by her principles that they had never claimed that they would.

@Cantthinkofone123 Because most men are physically stronger than women. That's a fact. Any other examples?

Just to point out that in all the recent nursery abuse scandals, the perpetrators were women…..

Yes it absolutely is. Majority of the population would not be okay with a male in a nursery setting - there is a reason why this setting is female dominated. Whilst women can be predators and a threat to a child, it is extremely rare. Whereas that same risk increases many folds in presence of a man. No sane person would take that risk. Why would you?

And you believe that it's a good thing that jobs like this are socially closed to women? Even the construction roles that don't depend on brute strength at all?

In fact, maybe it would be better if even the token woman who answers the phones and makes the tea were replaced by a man - to keep the industry male, as it should be?

Well I humbled you by giving you one. Let's not go off topic. I'm pretty sure you understood what my point was.

@PosyPrettyToes you do realise that's because it's less frequent therefore more shocking and therefore more newsworthy? None of the men I know who abused children in their care made it to the news. The number of male perpetrators still massively outweighs female perpetrators. It's the same effect that means female perpetrators can end up with harsher sentencing than male perpetrators of the same crime. Its expected of men, when it's women it's shocking and emotive.

Erm nothing is socially closed to anyone. You and I know the reason why it is that way. Let's not pretend otherwise.

Which is awful however given that the role is predominantly female dominated the likelihood is raised by the sheer numbers of female staff existing. It's not relative to men because there aren't an equal amount of each to begin with. Also, if you looked into it and didn't just focus on what the media makes very bold and popular in our faces, there are some truly horrific cases involving men working in childcare settings.