DP always has to bend the rules. AIBU?

[TravellingSpoon]

I find it embarrasing and so infuriating.

He sees rules as a bit of a 'challenge' and thinks I am a goody goody, but its beginning to really grate on me and it outs me off spending time with him. We have been together just over 2 years, dont live together and live 20ish miles from each other. We see each other a couple of times a week.

Recent examples include.

• we went to an event that said no food/drink would be allowed in. He decided to take drink anyway and then when he was searched and subsequently it was removed had a bit of a strop.
• We are going to an open air concert thats outside. Picnic blankets are allowed but not chairs. He is planning on bringing a chair and has bought one specially.
• We are going away in the summer. The flight details are very clear on baggage restrictions under our ticket type. It says a carry on bag and one small personal item. He is planning to bring a big backpack and his cabin suitcase.

There are more, but these are the most recent. I find it so embarrasing when he gets found out. He thinks its a risk worth taking and I should just relax.

Would you be botherd by this? Its the cringe factor for me that makes it painful.

I hope he’s made to check his luggage into the hold, serve him right. I’m a rule follower, he strikes me as a cf. Is he?

That sounds very tiresome and childish. I couldn't put up with it in a partner personally.

To quote a well known MN saying...... how old is he - twelve?

He's a bit of a bellend. He definitely won't be allowed the chair into the concert and there's a very high chance he'll be charged for the extra luggage. It would put me right off him, this somehow thinking the rules don't apply to him, a very immature way to carry on.

What a knob.

YANBU, I'd find it unbearable. I'd refuse to join him or would walk off as soon as he was "busted". He obviously thinks he's really clever and will be able to get one over on people and win. Excruciatingly embarrassing.

This would actually really stress me out.

Have you spoken to him about it?

You deserve better, indeed being single might be better as well.

Yes, I would also find it unbearable and pathetic.

OP, my DH affectionately calls me the Rule Book as I cannot stand people not following strict rules, those examples given would make me so uncomfortable!

I have a BIL who is non affectionately known as Uncle Dickhead, rules don’t apply to him…unless they’re his rules which then he expects everyone to follow. It’s all down to control with him, why do you think your new DP does this?

the holiday will be unbearable - once or twice a week may be OK, but a week or two will probably put you off for good.

Yes this is it exactly. It stresses me out and takes the enjoyment out of the things we do together.

I have spoken to him, and he says I am goody goody and these rule breaks are a risk he is willing to take.

Is he a bit dim?

Some people are CFers who like to push everything to the limit (like the big rucksack that won’t fit under his seat, it’ll have to go in the overhead locker or in the hold, fine if only one or two people do this, if everyone does, there’s not enough space, he’ll only get away with it if everyone else follows the rule)

or the chairs, ruins the views for those on picnic blankets, he might get away with it, but only by blocking the view of anyone behind you.

it’s a selfish attitude that only works if the majority follow the rules.

I couldn’t stand someone like this, but lots of people think similarly, that it’s good to try to get one up on rules and exploit any occasion to their own benefit, he needs to find someone like that. You aren’t compatible and if it’s annoying you now when you don’t live together, it’s only going to get worse. Why waste your time? You won’t change him and he will just continuously embarrass and stress you.

Don't tell me...he stands on the left on escalators as well.

He sounds unbearably juvenile.

That would drive me bonkers. I hate it when people think rules are for other people.

He's a plank. I'd bin him. Seriously. I just couldn't - and wouldn't - tolerate his behaviour. It would kill any attraction stone dead.

Very very annoying. He's ignoring the fact that it impacts you standing around being delayed and embarrassed.

If he's otherwise a good boyfriend then I'd say "I'll be going in separately if you insist on X as I get too stressed". And follow through.

I don't think I'd find myself thinking too much about it or being embarrassed on his behalf. My partner does similar, I couldn't care less. He is the one who has to pay for extra luggage and explain to the TV license enforcement officer why he hasn't transferred his license even though we sold the house three years ago.
Does it make a difference that I am not British and haven't got a second-hand-embarrassment gene? Apparently so...

I would just find this so ridiculous and embarrassing. I couldn't be arsed with him.

It's a hill I'd be willing to die on. I just couldn't go on holiday or to events with him behaving like that. It would knock the joy out of it and I'd be on edge all the time. He'd either have to pack in being a fucking knob or go away on his own.

You need to get over it or end it. You can’t go on being pissed off and embarrassed about it, it’ll happen too often and sap the life out of everything you do.

He sounds very thick / also entitled and I wouldn't carry on with someone like that

Would you be botherd by this? Its the cringe factor for me that makes it painful

He shows a total lack of consideration for anyone else and does whatever he wants. I bet if you think about it that extends to you - it's obvious he doesn't care if you're embarrassed or put out and you can probably think of a lot of times when he's shown he's not bothered about your feelings.

He's an immature knob, frankly.

Huge red flag!!

Huge!