DP always has to bend the rules. AIBU?

[TravellingSpoon]

I find it embarrasing and so infuriating.

He sees rules as a bit of a 'challenge' and thinks I am a goody goody, but its beginning to really grate on me and it outs me off spending time with him. We have been together just over 2 years, dont live together and live 20ish miles from each other. We see each other a couple of times a week.

Recent examples include.

• we went to an event that said no food/drink would be allowed in. He decided to take drink anyway and then when he was searched and subsequently it was removed had a bit of a strop.
• We are going to an open air concert thats outside. Picnic blankets are allowed but not chairs. He is planning on bringing a chair and has bought one specially.
• We are going away in the summer. The flight details are very clear on baggage restrictions under our ticket type. It says a carry on bag and one small personal item. He is planning to bring a big backpack and his cabin suitcase.

There are more, but these are the most recent. I find it so embarrasing when he gets found out. He thinks its a risk worth taking and I should just relax.

Would you be botherd by this? Its the cringe factor for me that makes it painful.

I'm rule bound and would hate it.

However, I will say one thing. When you look at psychology of things like extremism and obedience (think Nazis) the rule followers were often the ones joining on or not saying anything because authority beats morality for them. The dodgy types were often those who joined the resistance, formed underground organisations and generally resisted. One example is Schindler. Sort of a wanker generally, but the rules didn't apply to him so he did his own thing. The right thing.

Look at the Millgram experiment. Obedience isn't always great.

Eh, it wouldn't bother me.

But then I have brought drinks into Wembley, always use bags that technically don't meet the Ryanair restrictions, moved to more expensive seats if they are empty, and lots of other things like that. And I'm not sorry .

He sees rules as a bit of a 'challenge'

No, he's just a dickhead, who likes to publicise the fact.

I'd have to end it. The stress of knowing he may cause a scene would suck the fun out of everything. Find someone you can enjoy life with.

Hé sounds like a controlling and entitled arse. It doesn’t auger well for the future. He may start to think that being faithful is a rule to be broken, or paying taxes.

YANBU, my DP is like this and I found the best reaction was to let him do his thing and then laugh and go I told you so if he gets caught, and laugh and di a high five when he doesn’t. I decided long ago he isn’t my child, I am not his keeper I refuse to be embarrassed by him. He’s always been a bit cheeky.

I really think it’s my DP’s personality? He has oppositional/defiance disorder and so he really cannot stand rules or figures of authority. He’s a free spirit.

It keeps life interesting and not boring.

It is inconsiderate and that is not attractive.

Is he the type that loves a little argument? He sounds like a massive 🛎️end

You behave like an adult, yet he has to insult you and call you a goody goody? He really is just a massive fucking idiot, isn't he?

You really, really need to ask yourself why the fuck your standards are so shocking low as to tolerate this imbecilic shithead.

The dodgy types were often those who joined the resistance, formed underground organisations and generally resisted. One example is Schindler. Sort of a wanker generally, but the rules didn't apply to him so he did his own thing. The right thing

You're comparing someone who seems to go through life behaving in an immature inconsiderate fashion for the sheer hell of it just because he reckons rules don't apply to him, to the people who resisted the Nazis?

It sounds like he feels he's 'sticking it to the man' and being a rebel, when actually he's being a dick.

I'd find it too tiresome to carry on. He's never going to change and the cringe factor is just going to grow.

To be honest it wouldn't bother me.

What would really piss me off is the strops he pulls when he is inevitable caught.
That bit would be a huge ick for me.

He knows the rules and decides to break them = fine
Throwing a strop when he is caught, pretending to be hard done by = not fine
In fact he is purposefully ruiming the atmosphere and experience for you.

That would definitely be enough for me to end it. He doesn't see the problem? Okay, good for him. But he doesn't care that he's embarrassing you/doesn't value your happiness enough to just follow the damn rules? Nope, not a keeper!

He sounds as though he is just desperate for attention. Was he ignored as a child Because he really really doesn't want to be ignored now, no matter how much embarrassment he causes for you and anyone else he is with.
I couldn't be bothered with this type of behaviour.

For me, it's about taking an advantage by disadvantaging others (chair at the open air event blocking the view of others). I just don't find that attractive.

Well, he's hardly "bending" the rules by bringing something that is very obviously not allowed.

Bending the rules would be like "no alcohol allowed in concert" and decanting vodka into a water bottle... Or the "no chairs" rules, and taking a thick cushion or something similar to sit on instead.

That's not really the same thing. Unless you kick off and sulk when a steward asks you to move back to your assigned seat?

I will generally only follow rules if I agree with them however I’m not stupid enough to break baggage weight rules etc, that will just delay your trip and end up costing you more. He sounds annoying. I’d get rid.

To be blunt he sounds like a cock...to bring a chair to a concert so that he blocks everyone's view...really what a bell end...so he spoils other peoples fun because he's "special"

Sorry I would be having a word and showing him this thread.

I'd end it...not because I'm a goody two shoes but because I really cannot stand these people who think for some reason they are entitled to behave how they like.
It's not about being rebellious or subversive or just cheeky chancers...they are selfish self centered entitled wankers.
Society works when everyone is looking to the greater good of the group. So he takes a chair to the concert... doesn't sound much really...it's just a chair...but he blocks the view of someone who saved up to attend that concert with their friend whose recently had a hard time...they can't see so there whole evening is ruined.
Why does this tosser think he is being clever and "getting one over on the people who make the petty rules" when in fact he is just ruining things for other people.
I literally could not bear for people to think I was in a relationship with someone like this

He's being a knob. Why does he need the attention?

Embarrassing, sure, but actually I think this is a big red flag.

I had an ex like this and eventually found out that it wasn't just 'unimportant' things that he liked to try and skirt the rules on, but rather pretty much everything. Taxes, immigration requirements, accident reporting, faithfulness, finances.

I think the type of person who gets a thrill out of rule breaking will push it further and further the more they get away with. I'd never go near someone like that again.

Just sounds annoying.

Buying a chair to break the rules is just knobish.

What haopens if you have kids ? Just going to make everything more difficult

Just wouldn't get any deeper in with him, so it's easy to walk away.
And walk away if you cba with it.

for me this would be a sign that anything I said or asked for would be disregarded which will overtime breed resentment he also seems to have the charming im never wrong complex which again will annoy the shit out of you because he will never admit to being wrong, take accountability or apologise. You will always be the bad guy. I’d take this red flag and end it personally