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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP always has to bend the rules. AIBU?

151 replies

TravellingSpoon · 22/05/2024 20:31

I find it embarrasing and so infuriating.

He sees rules as a bit of a 'challenge' and thinks I am a goody goody, but its beginning to really grate on me and it outs me off spending time with him. We have been together just over 2 years, dont live together and live 20ish miles from each other. We see each other a couple of times a week.

Recent examples include.

  • we went to an event that said no food/drink would be allowed in. He decided to take drink anyway and then when he was searched and subsequently it was removed had a bit of a strop.
  • We are going to an open air concert thats outside. Picnic blankets are allowed but not chairs. He is planning on bringing a chair and has bought one specially.
  • We are going away in the summer. The flight details are very clear on baggage restrictions under our ticket type. It says a carry on bag and one small personal item. He is planning to bring a big backpack and his cabin suitcase.
There are more, but these are the most recent. I find it so embarrasing when he gets found out. He thinks its a risk worth taking and I should just relax.

Would you be botherd by this? Its the cringe factor for me that makes it painful.

OP posts:
activelysleeping · 22/05/2024 22:57

If he was travelling or going somewhere alone, would he still seek to break the rules? Wonder if he's getting enjoyment from your embarrassment/cringe because he's a bit of a show off?

I have a friend who's like this a bit but he never does it if he's travelling solo!

TheCultureHusks · 22/05/2024 22:57

Ah you need to dump him I’m afraid.

Take heed. You’re sick of it now. Imagine him as a dad. Imagine him in 15 years time. Totally irritating. Don’t waste your time!

Februaryfeels · 22/05/2024 22:59

He sounds insufferable as well as infantile

LakeTiticaca · 22/05/2024 23:01

Yabu for staying in a relationship with this throbber. I would be too embarrassed to go anyway in public with some like this.
Sounds like what my narcissistic ex used to do, look for ways to cause an argument with strangers in public.
Horribly embarrassing and one of the many reasons he is my ex

Codlingmoths · 22/05/2024 23:08

TravellingSpoon · 22/05/2024 20:38

Yes this is it exactly. It stresses me out and takes the enjoyment out of the things we do together.

I have spoken to him, and he says I am goody goody and these rule breaks are a risk he is willing to take.

Show quote history

‘Well, the risks to me are the embarrassment of watching you throw a childish strop because you get caught out, that one you can change. The other risk, as long as it’s just your stuff you’re risking, is you get bumped from the flight in which case I’ll be holidaying solo.’

RedVanYellowVan · 22/05/2024 23:08

You are dating a child, essentially.

Time to bin him and find a adult imo.

tara66 · 22/05/2024 23:11

One might say he's a ''chancer'', a ''jack the lad'' etc. Perhaps he doesn't have enough excitement in his life.

ClareBlue · 22/05/2024 23:14

Of course when someone else breaking the rules effects him adversely he will complain about it, people like this always do.

Harvestfestivalknickers · 22/05/2024 23:26

Can I ask what job he does? Does he get annoyed when rules are not followed in his work?

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 22/05/2024 23:36

A rebel without a clue or a cause. He sounds painfully immature.

I'm a rules person but have a begrudging admiration for those who can push them but not break them. His attempts aren't even worth much.

I couldn't be dealing with him tbh. The tediousness and stupidity would wreck my head.

Peachy2005 · 22/05/2024 23:43

What a dick! At least you’re not married to him!

Everydayimhuffling · 22/05/2024 23:49

The thing is, he's NOT willing to take the risk of he has a strop about it. If he was willing to take the risk he would concede gracefully when the consequences came about. So he's just a knob. And you aren't willing to take the risk of him behaving like that, so I don't see how there can be a future for the relationship.

Lighteningstrikes · 22/05/2024 23:53

It's a bad trait.
If he can't take no for an answer and abide by rules, this will continue to cause all sorts of problems.

This type of mindset is also very childish and immature.

Fuckoffandgrowup · 22/05/2024 23:53

Tell him to fuck off and grow up.

Pallisers · 23/05/2024 00:08

It keeps life interesting and not boring.

I can't imagine having my DP forced to check his bag through or having his drink confiscated would add much interest to my life.

Someone else might like this trait, OP. I'd find it tiresome. you find it tiresome.

OzziePopPop · 23/05/2024 01:02

How is his driving (if he drives), @TravellingSpoon ? Does he manage to obey road rules/laws?

Avatartar · 23/05/2024 01:09

Oh no is he a short wearer in a no shorts restaurant on your holiday and is he the sort to argue with the waiter when told to go and change? I’d dump him on the grounds of thinking he’s better than everyone else- this applies to you too, you can’t have an equal relationship with anyone thinking they are top dog full stop

pikkumyy77 · 23/05/2024 01:33

So tedious! I would never have want that in my life. Aren’t there better things to be doing than shitting on the rules just because?

And I beg to differ with PP upthread: the research on authoritarian vs non authoritarian personalities does not lead to the conclusion that this kind of asshole might make some iconoclastic contribution to the anti nazi side. He is probably more likely to join the SS where his fantasy of being above the rules can be channelled and indulged. He likes to take small risks (not big ones) for petty rewards relative to the other (as he sees them) drones. He doesn’t take big risks for other people. He’s just a garden variety asshole.

Gingernaut · 23/05/2024 01:35

This is deliberate attention seeking

He's happy with all eyes on him, regardless of why

If he gets stuck at the gate, I'd leave him behind

bananaramaterry · 23/05/2024 02:24

Very very irritating!

He thinks he is above the rules!

Delphiniumandlupins · 23/05/2024 02:35

Well he thinks he's this maverick, risk-taking rule-breaker but he has a strop when he gets caught and his booze confiscated. Even if the ignoring rules didn't stress you the childish tantrum is a very unattractive look. If you carry on dating him I would let him know that you will pretend you don't know him when he's behaving like an entitled knob or a spoilt toddler. Neither character is appealing.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 23/05/2024 02:38

I know this gets thrown around a lot on here and it’s not necessarily the case - but is he a bit narcissistic in other ways? He seems entitled to breaks rules on purpose just for the sake of going against authority because he’s somehow too special to follow them.

JoniBlue · 23/05/2024 02:41

Is it too late to cancel your trip?

Topseyt123 · 23/05/2024 03:34

He sounds like an arse.

WiddlinDiddlin · 23/05/2024 03:36

It's not looking great...

I can tolerate some bending of the rules, but... and it's a huge but..

Only where the rule breaker takes it in good spirit when they're caught out and have to face the consequences.
Only where the rules broken really aren't affecting anyone else. For example: Sitting in a reserved seat on a train where you can see the ticket holder hasn't got on yet or will get on after you get off.

Neither condition appears to apply to your DP...