A man called me an 'ugly fat c***' and it has really impacted me

[Implodedsuddenly]

At the weekend, I pulled into a free parking space near our local beach. Suddenly this 55-60 year old man started banging on my car window saying his wife was going to park there and was just turning round (she was nowhere to be seen).
I ignored him and locked my doors as I was genuinely frightened of him - he was a huge muscly guy, in a vest top, and didn't look like a nice character.

I carried on ignoring him and he suddenly started shouting that I am an 'ugly fat cunt' and 'no man would ever go near you looking like that'. Lots of people saw and heard him, but no one stopped him as I guess they were worrked by him too. As he walked away, his wife parked a few spaces up and he spat on my car. His wife saw but didn't say a word.

I am a very happily married 40 year old woman with 4 children and a good career, but his words have honestly shaken me up and hurt me so deeply. I already have a low self esteem. I was utterly humiliated to have those things said to me. I clearly am fat and gruesome for someone to use it against me.

My husband says the only humiliated person is him and he's utterly disgraceful speaking to a woman like that.

But it's really cut me deep and left me feeling SO terrible about myself.

AIBU to be so upset?

I've been called that but took no notice because I'm bloody gorgeous, as are you.

He wouldn't pick on a man, that's for sure.

Tip: any further encounters with pricks like him, start repeatedly sounding your car horn to draw attention to the situation and don't stop until the aggressor moves away or someone comes to your aid.

Don’t take it personally. It is just a phrase that nasty men use because they know you are more likely to take it personally than ‘stupid fucking bitch’.

I had similar in a road rage incident where a guy pulled up beside me & shouted that I was an ugly c*. It really shock me up to start with but I consoled myself by thinking he is going to have a really horrible day being that angry as he would clearly carry his anger with him throughout the day whereas I'm about to go into work (which I love) & will not his outburst affect me at all

I had that insult a few years ago almost word for word. I'm a normal average sized person. He was erm not.

The who the fuck would ever sleep with you was so left field and upsetting.

It's a terrible shock.

Meant to insult and belittle.

Hugs op xxx

You could look like a supermodel and some odious violent man would still call you a fat bitch. That's what a lot of men are like. It's a go-to insult. I hate them. Sorry this happened to you x

Also, for reference if anyone ever does report someone for this it falls under a category called Assault by beating.

I found it helpful to know this. I didn't report it but it's a thing and you will be acknowledged which can help mentally xxx

This stupid sorry excuse for a man said what he thought was the most hurtful thing it's possible to say to a woman: that she's undesirable to men. It says way more about his misogyny than it does you. It doesn't matter what you look like - and obviously any man worth knowing would never speak to a woman like that or measure her worth by her sex appeal - he just said it because he thinks it's the ultimate insult.

What a cunt.

Whereas he was just a big fat badly dressed bully

Don't let him get to you OP - he's probably forgotten all about it by now and has spewed a stream of obscenities at all sorts of innocent people in the interim. The words had no bearing on your personally but were just a reflection of his low intelligence level, poor observation skills and odious personality.

I'm sorry you met one of the low life sewer dwellers but don't dwell on him or anything he had to say - he's simply not worth another moment in your thoughts

His insults were 'cheap shots' generic and not imaginative. They were not likely to be accurate or personal to you OP.

Do consider if you have any reason to trust his judgement.
He was wrong about the parking space being his wife's.
He is likely to be wrong about many things.

Note that although he felt important enough to shout at an unknown woman and in charge enough to claim her parking space ...he was actually powerless as his wife was driving the car.

I wonder why he 'allowed' her to be in charge. Did he perhaps lose his licence recently? (For poor judgement as a driver no doubt.)

Take comfort OP - even if you are 'huge as Asia' and not happy about that... you are not his wife. 😁

Had a man once shout “shut up fat bitch” at me when he nearly rode into me as I crossed the road with my dog.

I still remember it 10 years later and at the time it did upset me yes. Funnily enough the man actually calmed down and said sorry (for shouting not for the derogatory words necessarily).

It is upsetting and shocking OP but as many, many people have said on this thread already it is NOTHING to do with you or your appearance, it is to do with his rage and inability to emotionally regulate himself. No one deserves to be spoken to in such a way and you must absolutely fight against taking his anger and hate and directing it inwards.

Sounds silly but what about some small visualisation activities where you visualise yourself rejecting those words, batting them away and them flying off across the sky. Please refuse to let him get in your head and heart

I agree. A man once screeched up to me in a car and called me a "fat bitch". I wound the window down and said "I weigh 8 1/2 stone actually". He just stared at me in confusion and I realised that he uses that as his standard insult for a woman and hadn't even looked at me properly. That was 20 years ago - when I was young and skinny - but I still often think about it.

When I was thirty I had just broken up with a long term partner and was feeling really low. I went to a bar with colleagues and ended up talking to a friend of one of my colleagues that was in the bar. While we were talking everything had been friendly but he took offence to something I had said. He suddenly lowered his head, his eyes went dark and his volume dropped and what came out of his mouth was the most disgusting things anyone has ever said to me. He said I was a s**t [lut] and that he could see my brown roots and he said a bunch of other stuff that I can’t remember but it was just so nasty and concerning. He had predator vibes and I rest a sense of fear. Before this happened we were talking normally, he mentioned his fiancé was a doctor and he was bragging about her. I had just let him and told him she sounds lovely.

His tirade at me went on for quite a while. Longer than was necessary and I sat back and was shocked. Once he seemed to have exhausted himself I said “you marrying a doctor is not an accomplishment on your part. Your fiancé is the one that went out and got a medical degree - not you and I hope that she realises what an abusive man you are - preferably before she marries you”.

He carried on that his fiancé loves him and I told him it would only be a matter of time before she realised what he was and she would leave.

I was shaken by the entire scenario and my colleague’s wife told me that she was once followed around London by a man screaming in her face and telling her she was ugly and the mole on her face was ugly. She wasn’t ugly. She was very very pretty and even though she was in her late thirties she looked like she was 25. She said not one person in London stopped to help her even though she was distressed.

The thing we all have in common (you, me and my colleague’s wife) is we encountered an abuser in public. These men are dangerous. In your situation the wife probably didn’t say anything because she was afraid his attention would turn to her.

YABU to be so upset - and for this statement
I clearly am fat and gruesome for someone to use it against me.

He just wanted to say something horrible to upset you because he was angry and out of control (and a nasty knobhead). You cant take it personally, when people are like this they say whatever they think will hurt the most, rather than the truth or what they even think. I got called all sorts when I worked in psychiatric hospitals (my favourite was that I had a fake french accent) but learned that even if it is dressed up as being about you, its really meaningless. Sorry you had that situation though, it sounds frightening and upsetting.

Please don't take it personally, he sounds awful. Totally generic misogynous rubbish as weight and looks can cause maximum hurt for minimum insight/tailoring. I have received similar on occasion as have slimmer friends. It's the aggression you're understandably shaken at, not the actual words which meant nothing.

Silly unimaginative prat.

And this applies whatever weight you are. It genuinely wasn't about that. He wanted to intimidate a woman through tried and tested means

Nobody, and I mean nobody would ever behave like that if they had anything close to even a vaguely happy life. He sounds like a complete and utter loser.

I had a similar thing I was still working in lockdown one & part of lockdown 2 went to get petrol, bloke in the middle of covid lockdown spat on the floor, I said to him not to spit on the floor in the middle of covid. The level of aggression was off the scale took me by surprise tbh. There were men there they said nothing put it down to his short man syndrome non hidden anger issues. All you have to think was you don’t have to live with him she does. I would report to police there should be cctv, spitting can be classed as assault.

My husband says the only humiliated person is him and he's utterly disgraceful speaking to a woman like that.

Who are you going to believe? Your husband, who knows you, lives with you and loves you, or a random misogynist stranger who clearly has severe aggression issues and quite possibly other mental health problems?

WRONG

"These sorts" have often been banned several times, been in prison, workshy etc etc. His wife was not better as she just stood and watched

I recall a stupid woman driving up the wrong way in a hospital car park . My OH and I am very careful extra careful in car parks as clowns often drive around the wrong way to sneak into spaces. Anyways, as we came around the corner we saw the other car, we stopped as soon as we saw it. It was a tight corner and car park was full and people had parked outside the bay. The woman, well the the OH wanted us to move back. My OH signalled its a one way, big arrows in the road showing that. The other car insisted we moved back and the passenger started to rant rave in the car and stuck his head out muttering stuff and hand gesture that were not friendly.. Then cars behind us started sounding their horn not seeing in front what was going on. The woman would not move the car back encouraged by the inbred with her. After a few minutes they revered back about 20 feet and stopped again and hand gestures from them indicating we could easily get through we could not - eventually two young men walked up to the car that must have seen what was going on and told them to move back. After a bit of ranting from the woman this time they eventually moved back but not right back.

Over my 40 years of driving I've seen instances where the blokes banned, pissed etc and the OH who is as vile drives. I've seen women get out of cars even when they are wrong and have a go at other men and women - often these types are as vile as the other and that is why they are together until their next lover catches their eye

How do you know the inbred was "misogynist "!! you DONT and the fact is these types do it to anyone where they feel they can get away with it.

I bet you if the OP had a dash cam and pointed to it or started recording the inbred, he's stop most likely
Inbreds like that do it to men and women unless you have evidence the abuser was "misogynist " which you don't and that is a fact!!!!!!!!

@FranticFrankie OP definitely experienced a git face and not a fit face.
@Implodedsuddenly That would have shaken me up. It is definitely a go to phrase used by men who are projecting their own inadequacies.
I was buying fruit in the supermarket once and got looked up and down by a man next to me who turned to his friend and said did you know fruit makes you fat. I was a size 8. I've had bottles thrown at my car, been chased/followed by an angry driver. A beggar once called me a fat cunt because I didn't give them money. The list goes on. A phrase used to scare women by people who are insecure and unhappy. Bet he doesn't treat his wife well.

I’d be shaken up too op. Men become outraged that women dare to take up any space, whether that’s in your car or on the tube. Or even walking down the street.

Buy a dash cam for your own peace of mind. And if anything like that happens again be on your horn.

He called the OP an ugly fat cunt and spat on her car. He would not have done that if OP was a man.

Anyone who calls a woman a “fat ugly cunt” is a misogynist. I suppose that doesn’t stop him from being a misandrist too.

At any rate, there’s far more evidence for him being a misogynist for being “an inbred” so chill TF out, babes.