Travelling abroad to see a friend and she hasn't booked time off work

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

Hi all, long story short, I worked in an industry where everything is done via teams and online with occasionally travel abroad.
I made very good friends with a colleague who lives in Spain. She left the company last year and have both promised to meet in person.
I took the plunge and said I'll come out and see you this year once I know my dates with work etc. we both arranged a date for me to come out and I booked the flights there and then. We've not spoken much since as life gets in the way and we no longer work together everyday, which is fine.

Anyway, we were messaging today and I asked her what the plan was when I arrive and I've found out she 'couldn't' take the Friday off work because someone else at her job had and they require 3 people in the team. This is fine, no worries, would've just like to have known.

Also, it's bank holiday in the UK Monday so I'm not flying until late evening so I could spend as much time there with her. I've also found out, it's not a bank holiday in Spain and she hasn't managed to get that time off either. So for two of the days I'm going to be loitering around Spain by myself and a bit nagged off I've spent this money only to see her for two days.

I am hugely grateful that I do not have to pay for any accommodation, as I will be staying with her but AIBU to think she could've at least told me?

I love having days to myself in new cities. I don’t usually plan, just wander about. If you do want to look at art it’s worth booking a ticket ahead of time.

I've never spent time on my own in a different country personally, other than for work. So I'm not quite sure what I'll do apart from drink lots of cocktails in the sun, alone 🤣

Strangely, it's no different to spending time in the UK on your own. They just speak a different language is all.

There are other things to do than just get pissed on cocktails. You have access to google- can you not google things to do in Madrid? stop being so helpless and start researching and being a bit more proactive.

I agree with PP that this is all a bit intense for someone you haven't met yet and apparently haven't spoken to in ages. I get the sense that this will be quite awkward in real life. Huge difference between staying with someone in their home and speaking to them online during work.

I can't imagine why someone would be going to a city like Madrid and be struggling to occupy themselves on their own.

How rude.
And racist.

Oh this sounds perfect to me!

You get the weekend with your friend to catch up and socialise, she can take you to some of her favourite places/sights/restaurants/bars etc. So you get all the local/insider experience. And on Friday and Monday you can do the standard touristy stuff that your friend probably wouldn't be interested in! I'd do an open top bus tour or a walking tour of all the main sights on one of the days (if you arrive earlyish on Friday that could be ideal as a general 'intro' to the city) and then probably just chill and go for a wander and explore on the other day. Have a look on TripAdvisor for recommended tours/activities/sights. I've done lots of solo travelling/holidays - I find it pretty liberating not having to align plans with other people all the time tbh. Of course going away with mates or a partner or visiting friends is also fun - this seems like the ideal balance.

I'm jealous, Madrid is great!

YABU. I'm in Italy atm staying with an old friend. She hasn't taken time off work and I didn't expect her to. I amuse myself during the day and enjoy our evenings together.

Madrid is just great for mooching

I’d love this and recently did just this with a friend in Berlin. Went on a walking tour and did lots of mooching. And saw friend. Made it clear that I didn’t expect friend to take time off

ifs a shame that it’s only just become clear that you’re in your own, but otherwise sounds fab

I'd love to go to the prado in Madrid
Also shopping would be fun

It would never occur to me to expect a friend to take time off when I am visiting (nor would I take time off when they are visiting). There is so much to do in Madrid: Prado, Reina Sofia, the Royal Palace, the cathedral, go on a day trip to Toledo, none of it is that hard! I went all around the place on my own when I was in my early 20s.

Do you really need your hand held every day of the trip? Although you did think bank holidays would be the same in Spain so maybe you do... Time to put on your big girl pants and learn to keep yourself amused for a few hours!

Also many, many friendships that work well normally can hit the rocks with the intensity of “togetherness” on shared holidays. I think it’s a good thing you have breathing space from each other. Two days and two days is a nice balance.

I love nothing more than exploring a new destination and it’s not as though Madrid is a sleepy little backwater. Do some Google searches and put together a little itinerary for yourself. Guernica would be a must-see for me.

Not really. They're just called national holidays in most countries, so the term "bank holiday" will probably be confusing to many.

Time you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone a bit then.

FWIW, my 18yo visited her friend overseas earlier this year. There were days when her friend had to work and dd was left to her own devices. She had an absolutely wonderful time!

Two things amaze me about your op:

• that you’ve not clicked that she wants to keep her holidays for what she wants to do, not entertain a colleague who’s imposed herself on her

• that you can’t imagine that there’s anything else to do in one of Europe’s most historically significant capitals than drink cocktails

In my circles this would be a standard for ex work friends - they appear in our city, stay with one of us, we spend some days together and some days they do their own things or meet other people.

I'd arrange my work to be able to leave early afternoon one of the work days and we can make some plans.

When I worked abroad and people visited me there, sometimes they came for 10 days or so, I took one day vacation, so we got 2 weekends and 1 day together. It worked well for all of us.

In the same time, if you have never spent time abroad alone, it really isn't a big issue that you haven't thought about it this way. Now you know the plan, take it from here.

Edit: and congratulations to making the first step and going there. The friendship might not survive long time, but if noone makes any effort, it would inevitably die out.

Is it possible that she sees this as a friend/ex-colleague staying with her to visit her city rather than as visit to see her specifically? I think 2 days together and some days alone exploring is probably a good balance. Offer to pay for a meal out? There's some great ideas on this thread, but you could make another in a travel thread and really plan your days if you're anxious.

YABU

I’d love a couple of days exploring to myself and 2 days to see my friend, plus I’m assuming she’ll meet you for dinner on the Friday. Honestly maybe it would be a non-issue for her too so she hasn’t thought it would upset you. Plus - free accommodation! Dream!

YABVU. We live abroad and have a constant stream of people doing us the ‘favour’ of a visit when it’s almost always mainly about them getting free accommodation and a few free meals for a holiday. We are happy to have friends visit, but over the years we have stopped treating them like VIP guests because we would basically be running a tour service if we did. Madrid is touristy enough that I imagine lots of her friends and family have offered her the ‘favour’ of a visit since she moved. If she took off time for every visit, she probably wouldn’t have any leave left to go on holiday herself. How would you feel if everyone you knew decided to use you for free holiday accommodation and then also expected you to use up your holiday allocation taking them on one tour after the next of your city?

Just enjoy your time together and be thankful she had blocked off the weekend for you! Madrid is perfectly safe to explore solo on the days she is working.

Ooh OP that sounds a bit intense.

We had this before when I was younger. Acquaintances of parents said they would 'call in' and see us and they actually bloody turned up and dressed it up as a 'surprise'. Not the same situation as you're in, but they expected a holiday type situation and wanted us kids to stay off school and parents not to work. They were on holiday mode and we were in life mode. So entitled.

Seriously, you are going to Madrid and can't find out for yourself what there is to do there, so would sit around and drink cocktails? I assumed from the OP she must live somewhere that tourists don't usually visit.

And your problem is? 😆

No - but they are usually called public holidays (and also in the UK they were originally called public holidays). Every country in Europe has them as well as many out of Europe.

Also quite shocked at the level of hand holding you seem to need, it seems you feel completely helpless without a friend to tell you what to do.

You’re in one of the four or five most exciting cities in the world (one that is extremely tourist friendly) and all you can do is think about getting drunk and feel resentful that your friend (who you don’t know that well) isn’t taking annual leave to chaperone you. You seem unbelievably entitled.

Go out on your own: you will do yourself a favour.

Oh, I went to Madrid years ago to a, friend who was working. It was before Google maps, or being able to book tours easily so I just wandered round.
I was a bit nervous at first but I had a wonderful time!

It can be unsettling when things are not as you expect them to be. This would be my dream short break though. A chance to
catch up with a friend. And a chance for some solo time too. But you were not expecting that and it’s taken you by surprise. Try to turn it into a positive. There is so much to do and see in Madrid.

Your friend tried to get the Friday off but couldn’t. That’s just one of those things. As to the Monday I expect she did not even think about it being a bank holiday for you. Or certainly didn’t think you would expect it to be one for her too. It’s not her fault.

I hope you have a lovely time.