Travelling abroad to see a friend and she hasn't booked time off work

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

Hi all, long story short, I worked in an industry where everything is done via teams and online with occasionally travel abroad.
I made very good friends with a colleague who lives in Spain. She left the company last year and have both promised to meet in person.
I took the plunge and said I'll come out and see you this year once I know my dates with work etc. we both arranged a date for me to come out and I booked the flights there and then. We've not spoken much since as life gets in the way and we no longer work together everyday, which is fine.

Anyway, we were messaging today and I asked her what the plan was when I arrive and I've found out she 'couldn't' take the Friday off work because someone else at her job had and they require 3 people in the team. This is fine, no worries, would've just like to have known.

Also, it's bank holiday in the UK Monday so I'm not flying until late evening so I could spend as much time there with her. I've also found out, it's not a bank holiday in Spain and she hasn't managed to get that time off either. So for two of the days I'm going to be loitering around Spain by myself and a bit nagged off I've spent this money only to see her for two days.

I am hugely grateful that I do not have to pay for any accommodation, as I will be staying with her but AIBU to think she could've at least told me?

You really thought Spain would have the same bank holidays as England? England doesn’t even have the same bank holidays as Scotland 😆.

I’m sure you’ll find enough to keep you entertained for a few hours in Madrid.

I agree that she could have mentioned this, but you might discover it's not a huge deal and you'll enjoy the solo bits. Madrid is fantastic. I went there on my own at Easter and really enjoyed wandering around seeing the sights.

Love Madrid. While since I've been there, but I always felt perfectly safe as a solo woman.The Hieronymus Bosch collection in The Prado is fabulous. Within easy walking distance of the Plaza Mayor which is great for sitting for hours with the wonderful Spanish coffee.

Me too! I think having two days to yourself to mooch around is absolutely ideal. Takes the pressure off her and me to be together 24/7- it's perfect. Be aware that spending 24/7 with a friend whilst on holiday often ends up in frayed nerves, irritation and arguments- just look at how many posts on here are about friends who fell out whilst staying together on a break! This is a good thing.

I too find it a bit surprising that you cant contemplate 2 days on your own - there is so much to do, why do you need her to hold your hand all the time?

From her perspective, I also wouldnt want to waste two days annual leave for a quick visit, annual leave is precious and she may want to use it to chill out when she is on her own at home, its quite stressful hosting people and it makes it hard to relax.

Am I reading it correctly that you've never even met in person before? If so your friend is being very good allowing you to come and stay for such a long weekend. Four full days together would be too much, never mind the imposition on her.

Embrace your solo days for the peak tourist stuff. Play Saturday and Sunday carefully - she may have a plan and it would be polite to go with it, but have some suggestions ready so you're not putting it all on her.

Inviting yourself to stay is super rude, and you need to fit in and give her some space go out in the day take her out to dinner at the weekend, take a jolly nice present.

My mind is just blown that a grown adult “just found out” that British bank holidays are erm British. Insane. Just crazy 😂🤷‍♀️

I agree with others, it sounds perfect! Four days would be quite intensive to spend all day one-on-one with someone you don't know very well. You'll still get the weekend with her and presumably evenings. As others have pointed out there's plenty to do in Madrid so you won't be bored the days you have to occupy yourself.

It wouldn't bother me. Use the time when she is at work to explore the city. It's a bit much to expect her to take time off work when you are quite capable of amusing yourself during the day.

I’m not in the UK and toe it sounds weird that you assume other countries have the same bank holidays as the UK. It’s surely something you look up before you travel.

And I think your ex colleague was fine not to take time off, too intense otherwise.

Some weird responses here OP, sneering at you for not knowing about bank holidays and wanting to actually spend time with a friend you're flying across Europe (by mutual agreement) to stay with! As others have said though, the mix might work out really well.

Am I reading it correctly that you've never even met in person before? If so your friend is being very good allowing you to come and stay for such a long weekend. Four full days together would be too much, never mind the imposition on her

Yes, this was my thought too. I think spending 4 days with someone in your home that you've never actually met in person is far too much and I wonder if she made sure she was working for that reason, I would. I am sure you're lovely OP but you have never met this person in real life and she's being extremely generous by letting you stay. Staying with someone is very very different to speaking to them in a meeting over zoom. I think she is wise to allow some space for you both to prevent it becoming too much.

Sounds amazing to me! Best of both worlds!

Given that you've never met four days would be a bit much. You do sound a bit intense.

Giving up her entire home and weekend for you is more than generous. Bring lits of gifts and pay for food because you owe her massively.

I think it sounds great. Madrid is a wonderful city with so much to do. I’d get her best tips and then join her for dinner in the evening.

Also our Madrid office closes at 2pm on a Friday throughout the year - not sure if that’s just our office or that’s a thing in Madrid?

Sounds the perfect balance for me. Being together the entire 4 days is too heavy. Learn to enjoy some time by yourself exploring the city.

Add me to the list of people who think 2 days exploring on your own & two days together sounds perfect. There’s so much to do in Madrid it will be easy to fill the time.

@seeitthroughmyeyes Am I understanding right that you & this friend have rarely if ever met in person? A four day trip with just the two of you staying in her home is rather intense for a first meetup. I’d encourage you to tread lightly and be mindful about rushing the friendship. Plan out your own Friday & Monday and have suggestions for things you could do the other two days but be flexible & easy going. Give her a chance to take care of all the normal things working adults have to tend to on a weekend like laundry and shopping, and make sure to buy/make her at least one dinner and pick up some flowers or similar as a thank you for hosting.

I'm going to be loitering around Spain by myself and a bit nagged off I've spent this money only to see her for two days

Maybe she's a bit "nagged off" that you seem to have invited yourself over by "taking the plunge" and suggesting a visit and she felt she couldn't say no.

I am a little shocked that she's generously accommodating you for 4 days- a person she hasn't actually met in real life and you're now nagged off that she has to work for 2 days. Sorry but you are coming across as a little bit entitled and intense here. I hope you bring her a very generous gift to say thank you.

You are being completely unreasonable. Sorry but grow up. An adult should be perfectly capable of finding plenty of things to do on their own in one of the major European cities. Buy yourself a guide book.

You could spend a whole day at the Prado.

I used to backpack and was often alone. I’d go do some attraction of some kind in the morning. Then enjoy a long lunch with a cocktail/beer in the sun whilst reading. Then another explore of somewhere and it’ll be time to meet your friend after work.
It’s lovely exploring by yourself sometimes, so sounds like it’ll be a good mixture of you time and seeing your friend.

Don’t feel you need to be on the go - see the things you really want to see but then sitting and reading a book in the sunshine in a lovely cafe or park is very relaxing and allows you to soak up the atmosphere of the area rather than being all go go go.

Have a lovely trip!

No- absolutely not 'a British thing', most countries have lots of them. If you click on the country link you can see exactly what they are for- many very similar types to ours.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_number_of_public_holidays

It's fine. I often wander around cities on my own. There's loads to see in Madrid.

I would recommend a free walking tour (you tip at the end), I had never done them but a friend I’ve travelled with recently always books them and I’ve found them very interesting (no longer than 2 hours though).

Oh that’s awful. For a Brit there is very little to do in Madrid except get very drunk. Other nationalities would of course be able to go to the Prado and all the other cultural and historic places, and enjoy the ambiance and the food. But you will just have to suck it up. Take some paracetamol for your hangovers.