To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

I was that woman.
My husband was a lecturer.
We were left our house from his Grandparents.
We paid and had it modernised.
We had a car and both had a motorbike.
Two kids.
I loved it..
He was hands on .
But l loved being at home with the kids and cooking and baking and cleaning.
He did all the DIY and car and bike stuff etc.
We travelled Europe every summer ( he had university holidays).
Our life was just simply perfect.
Hand on heart l say that.
But unfortunately l became a widow.
I'm now 66.. and never ever had the same since.
My life took an horrific turn.
But I'm still here with my wonderful family close by.

Working class women were rarely SAHMs even back then so it certainly wasn't a necessity, I don't know anyone who was one, none of my grandmothers or great grandmothers were.

I feel exactly the same.

Being a housewife has always been a privileged position. Working class women have always worked.

I hate having to go to work, mainly because I don't like being tied to it. However, I have creative interests I would like to pursue more, I wouldn't be happy just looking after a house.

This is spot on. The other thing was that I remember was most of the mums being at home and we all popped in and out of each others homes and the local kids played together. It was a sense of community that you simply don't get now and kids often can't afford to live near their parents, which has broken up communities. I think that is really, really sad.

It's kind of sad that the society has come to this where both people have to work to barely survive.

I’m a single parent so my one income needs to cover everything, and it does. I don’t consider myself to be barely surviving either. Depending on where you live, size of house etc it’s entirely possible to live on one income.

You do know if you were a certain class of woman you could stay at home or you could have to work your arse off if you were a working class woman .

This, I don't know where people got the idea that everyone was a SAHM back in the day, one wage was certainly not enough for my parents or my grandparents or even my great grandparents to survive on! I don't know a single person who was a SAHM, none of my friend's mums were when I was a kid either.

I don't think it's particularly unusual to mot want to work - why do people dream of winning the lottery?

I think for some that desire just outweighs their inclination to prove some feminist point.

I agree with it would be nice if one of us stayed home. I've just returned to work after SAHP for 8 years. We've two SEN DC so it just wasn't possible.

We're both exhausted & all I hear coming out of my mouth is 'I don't have time to.play, darling' & DH & were discussing how we'd like more friends (ours all just moved away at once!!) but realistically don't have the time. We both have elderly parents in the mix, though. FIL is very demanding of DH time, too.

I think if I could WFH, or we both worked PT I'd be happier. It's more the number of hours than the work itself.

None of the women in my family have worked once they had children. I only know of one aunt who suffered as a result. Only she was married to a bit of a pig.

My own mother had plenty of time to socialise, play tennis, meet friends, read, sunbathe, watch TV, follow the news. My parents had a great life, lots of down time, weekends were busy having fun and going places. I had a great childhood.

My own experience has been similar.

I've no doubt some women are bored, frustrated, lonely, vulnerable and exploited from the pigs they married.

But being exploited for "free labour" plus exploited by waged labour never appealed to me. Women are not just doubly exploited under capitalism when they work but exploited in three ways. Free labour in the form of reproduction, daily reproduction of labour power, and exploited in waged labour. Screw that. There is nothing liberating in waged labour, and no liberal feminist has ever convinced me otherwise. I refuse to be whipped harder than any man or slave.

Also reading back on your post, cooking and cleaning really isn't the big deal you think it is. I'm late 40s and I've never met a single bloke who couldn't clean where they live or cook for themselves or at a push order ubereats. A lot of these tasks have been outsourced now and are not the makings of a marriage. The trad wife thing is more, man head of house to be respected and makes most of the decisions. It's the obey bit of the old vows. No one is handing over their salary for just cooking and cleaning.

I think, after being a working out of the house mum and a SAHM with children in nursery and through all levels of school age, I’ve kind of got the best of both worlds now as a fully WFH mum (youngest still in school).

I have time to do stuff at home, prep dinner, hang a wash out, quick hoover round etc, be at home when kids are, and am not too knackered with a commute/rushing round to go to the gym before dinner, meet friends for lunch
or meet at a friends house for a coffee. I can also roll out of bed at 8.55 when DC in school hols if I fancy a bit of a lay in.

I like that I’m using my brain, doing work I’m interested in, having contact with lots of other people albeit remotely, and earning my own money/being independent as well without leaving the house. I can do a food order and get it delivered too!

This is the way forward! Not like in yon olden days when women were tied to the kitchen sink. Thank god for the dishwasher as well.

Wouldn't be for me but if you enjoy it you enjoy it. I'd never make myself so vulnerable though that if the marriage went to pot I would be left financially destitute. And that, sadly, is pretty common in the trad set up.

It's a different scenario though.

I'd quit work if I won the lottery, but that's because I'd have my OWN money to do so. I wouldn't quit work if it meant I had to rely on someone else for money. It's just not for me.

I was a SAHM for 11 years (v small part time job in the middle). It was nice, a relief not to have to deal with school holiday childcare issues etc, but it's really tough trying to get back into work

I actually struggled during the months I was off with my kids. I loved them, and I needed to do it, but I felt I lost myself somehow.

i went back to work part time until the eldest was 6. But I am fortunate as I genuinely love my job. It is always varied, occasionally stressful, but usually very interesting. Part time hours were excellent as we did shift work and I job shared so we pretty much designed our own rota. Our boss used to say his part time mums "skipped into work and were the most engaged employees of all" and he wasn't wrong.

i think the key to working life is having a job you really enjoy, a flexible employer who is genuinely caring about work life balance and supports the early years ...and not caring too much about the details of domestic life. Delegate that shit or not care. I have drummed this into my kids - especially the bit about jobs you love... and that comes with education and commitment.

I would hate this. I love being able to contribute to what my company does, I have pride in learning and thinking and inventing, solving problems and training younger people.

I do wish work was less necessary in general though- that it was easier for everyone to go part time, or take sabaticals. But not just women, it would be awful to be in a society where everyone of my gender is expected to fit into a single life pathway. Women should be scientists and musicians and teachers and electricians and entrepreneurs too - whatever is fulfiling for that person.

I think it’s great we have a choice.

i do wonder why we always assume it’s a woman’s choice, not a man’s.

if it were socially acceptable, how many men would like to give up work after marriage? I know dh would have.

i also wonder why more couples don’t both take a part time option. 2x 0.7 full time wages will provide more stability financially, probably still allow someone at home most of the time, maybe with a day or two childcare. I know one couple did this and it worked amazingly well.

Also I was actually a SAHP for a bit and hated it, and I don't like cleaning, so if I didn't have a job I certainly wouldn't be spending time looking after kids or doing the cleaning. I'd be far more self indulgent 🤣

I used to be a hardcore feminist in my teens and twenties. In fact, I’m still somewhat surprised I got married and had kids because it was never something I particularly aspired to. I love my husband and children but I never ever wanted being a wife and mother to define who I was.

BUT having done this gig of juggling kids, house and work for nearly 20 years, all I want to do is retire and be left alone to putter around the house, make lovely meals, do some gardening and walk the dog. I’m not even 50 yet but I seriously can’t be arsed with the rat race anymore.

I concede defeat. I can’t have it all. I can’t do it all. Maybe it’s perimenopause but I just don’t care anymore. I wish I was a kept wife instead of having spent years pushing my career when in reality, if I quit tomorrow, work would forget me as soon as I was replaced whereas I would still be the star in my husband and kids lives.

I was a SAHP and while I enjoyed it in many ways, it was very stressful and hard work and I find it a lot easier working outside the home. In my job, I don't just earn money, but I get praise and recognition and opportunities for development, I get breaks, I get to go home for the weekend and not just be constantly surrounded by my unfinished task list. As a SAHP, I was constantly having to scrimp and save, and never had money for nice things, or free. time for fun. I felt as though my husband was my employer, which was terrible for our relationship, as I felt that I couldn't criticize him. It was terrible for my confidence and self-esteem.

i think it's probably fun being a SAHP if you are very well-off, but while I really loved being able to spend a lot of time with my kids when they were little, I hated being a housewife, and would never go back to it, given the choice.

I'm a SAHM. I couldn't imagine any other way tbh. I was my Mum's shadow and my DS is my shadow. I couldn't have had children if I had had to go back to work. We're not built for it. I'm very fortunate to have found a husband who could accommodate that.

In many cases it's a symbiotic relationship where the woman facilitates the man to be able to focus on his job.

(well, that's the story anyway) 😂