To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

@Beezknees we aren't as strong as men, and our children are more bonded to us than their dads usually, and the reality is a lot of dads just don't look after them. For a low income situation, imagine trying to get someone to look after your 3 year old at 6 am to run and catch the train to the city, standing at a line for 8 hours then running back to catch the train to be back by 6 pm, if you found someone to take your child to nursery, unpaid, and either all your money goes to pay that, or the government pays it, instead of just giving the money to you to stay at home. That's the reality of single parenthood in a lot of cases, and it isn't straightforward all the time for women to work. My main point though is all that running around and physical exertion is easier for men

I don't know the answer to the question you asked, but the Tories would be definitely out there with the nuns 😄. God they would be wetting themselves with the excitement especially JRM .God I could just see them out there with the nuns on the wards .

I always tell my son find someone who loves him for who he is and not for how much he makes. An equal parter.
I always tell my two daughters to be financially independent not matter what.

I am a single parent so I know exactly how it works and I manage to work full time.

My main point though is all that running around and physical exertion is easier for men

My job requires a lot less running around and physical exertion than being home with a toddler.

@Beezknees I suppose a car would help

I don't have a car, I never learned to drive. I work from home 3 days a week though and my DS is older now so no childcare required. I did when he was younger though, breakfast club in the morning and after school club in the afternoon. 45 minute commute each way.

I don't think women not working is the answer, better and cheaper childcare is. I was a SAHM until my ex and I separated and then I was left with not a penny to my name and ended up living in a hostel with a baby. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. A lot of women are more savvy than I was but there are still plenty who don't ensure they are married, name on the mortgage, etc before having children and end up stuck.

I would work. I love my career, I love having my own money that I worked for.

We could live just off of DH’s salary but I would never want to.

@Beezknees I think if women have to work then childcare really needs to be good. When my son was little he only had access to breakfast club from 8 am, and the only work in my town for someone with no skills ie me was early or late starting shift work

I was told by SAHMs in my kids' school a few times why would I miss my children growing up for a job/ career. Straight away they mentioned how they would rather look after their own children while doing something they enjoy volunteering at school/ sports club/ gardening and is fullfilling/ important for the community than having more money.

I feel they try to justify what they are doing while the kids are at school all day, and volunteering is always mentioned.

Women who work for money like me are considered terrible terrible mothers. As a principle I do believe both women and men should contribute financially as adults. I would support my husband if he couldn't work - either if he had a physical of mental health issue - but i would not support him to have a lifestyle. I don't know why it should be any different for women.

Imagine the reality of being totally financially dependent on your husband. Because that’s the reality. You’re basically an unpaid slave.

A slave ?

You've got a strange view of a happy marriage!

@girlswillbegirls I am sorry if anyone thinks you are a terrible mother for working.

But I think a family who makes a choice to have one parent working to increase flexibility and that parent does volunteering with some of the time the have available, is making an equally valid choice to your own.

If someone was willing to hire me on a schedule flexible enough to meet our family needs I would love to have a permanent job. Nobody is, so I freelance, but I would not feel like my contribution was less if I volunteered instead.

*that should say 'one parent not working', sorry

I tell my son the opposite. To watch out for the gold diggers.

Hardly unpaid either if you split all the income equally

@G5000

Thanks, you articulated this so much better than me

@Missola this might interest you

I find this extremely offensive. Women are just as capable as men. My DF’s mother died when he was born in 1939, my grandfather had promised to look after the baby and having worked all day then looked after my DF at night from a few days old. DF was cared for by his grandmother during the day but my grandfather brought him up by himself. He also had 3 older children aswell.

As a result my DF was a very hands on father, which in the 1960s was unusual. And I fully expected my DH to be the same. DH lost his dad when he was a toddler, his DM had to work so when we became parents we both parented. I went back to work when DS was 6months, I had to because I had my own business.

I think that our family histories meant that we had a different model to most re parenting.
DH decided to take a break from work when DS was early teens, it was a joint decision which meant I could work more hours ( I am the higher earner). He became a house husband, did all the cleaning and washing, cooking has always been my job, I find it relaxing after a day at work. He also did the school run.

There should be no definitive rolls within a family. My DS can cook and clean. He is also responsible for mowing lawns and shopping. Hopefully being brought up in a very neutral gender rolled family he has learnt that women and men have an equal roll in child care and providing financial support.

Most of all I hope he never considers that benefits are an acceptable option. I know that for some they are necessary.

Nope

When my DC were in nursery and I was working I was still raising them HTH

He became a house husband, did all the cleaning and washing, cooking has always been my job, I find it relaxing after a day at work. He also did the school run.

Of course men can become the SAHP. If the woman is the higher earner then it obviously makes financial sense.

It's less common as often men get more career satisfaction and become the higher earners and women often get more enjoyment from taking on caring roles.

I have worked in several countries and for companies that have very different cultures. Yes, it makes a huge, massive difference whether it is assumed everyone will have a SAHW at home, taking care of all childcare and domestic errands, or whether it is assumed that all employees with children need to accommodate such responsibilities.

You just made that up. Just as many women as men enjoy their careers.

That’s what I was thinking.

I'm finding the misogyny and gender roles on this thread quite disturbing. I seem to have stepped into a vortex to 1954 and women's delicate brains will collapse under the strain of a working day, and are only really suitable for scrubbing the toilet bowl and singing nursery rhymes. A nice charitable hobby is suitable for a well-behaved lady, but it must be something she can easily fit around her true responsibilities to keep the home and care for her husband and children, and of course, leave if she's getting behind with keeping the taps shiny.

Earning our own money would be most unseemly, and after all, we couldn't be trusted to know what to do with it. Probably spend it on ribbons and kittens.

It's pretty obvious that you don't really, you're just trying to backpedal.
How so? You really are a strange person. I don't think I have ever come across someone who makes this many accusations and assumes to know the mind of another without any type of evidence. Bizarre.

You acknowledged that your husband is money driven (obviously) and enjoys doing the things that make successful business deals. Good for him.
Yes I did. So why you are attempting to suggest I am back peddling is again, anyone's guess.

What's not so good is you then making clearly critical comments about people who value "materialism over time with children",
I REPEAT I DID NOT CRITICISE ANYONE. This is getting beyond ridiculous now.

yet you've no criticism at all when a man is doing it so you don't have to.
Nothing to do with being a man, more to do with being MY HUSBAND.

The very clear difference in approach and tone between fathers who work and mothers who work was noticeable too.
I literally haven't mentioned working mothers (specifically) once. Why you persist on insisting I have is again, very odd.

And it's also problematic that it is impossible for you to accept that your worldview can be criticised and anyone
You know absolutely ZERO about my world view.