To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

@girlswillbegirls does someone need an excuse to have someone supporting them for life?

If the supporting person is happy I am not sure why the moral opprobrium is necessary.

How much volunteering benefits everyone is a different discussion though than the current topic.

Because I haven't seen any SAHMs claiming that they are home for the greater good and for the benefit of the wider society, as this allows them to make a contribution through volunteering. The claim is always that they stay home because this is best for their family. it's best for their DC, and their high earning DH could not do his job if it wasn't for the SAHM.

I don't know if my DH and DC specifically would benefit more from me working and earning money, or me volunteering in a charity shop and learning to play trombone, as was previously suggested.

I’m interested to know exactly how this set up perpetuates inequality between the sexes? Because that seems such a scattergun type comment.

This has been a common set up since the dawn of time, and for many reasons. Its like saying that because women get pregnant, birth babies and breast feed it also equates to inequality between the sexes….why do some people accept maternity leave for X amount of time (seen as necessary) but then at a certain point in the timeline…which appears to be different for each woman dependant on finances / family set up / emotional wants etc, that suddenly changes and becomes ‘lazy’, ‘the patriarchy’ or ‘the big man with the job and the little subservient woman’. It’s so inconsistent and hypocritical.

If you don’t wish to look after your own children full time, and pay for someone else to that, then more power to you. It makes me laugh when people moan about the high costs of childcare, but then look down their nose at SAHP’s. A lot of the reason people stay home to care for kids is because it makes sense for their own set of circumstances at home. From my own observations and experience - most employers like people to pretend like they don’t have children (the leaving at school pick up example you give) - but both men and women are treated like that. I’ve seen my husband struggle when I’m sick and can’t be the carer. What you actually need to do is point that venom at the government and social structures in this country and make real change rather then come for families trying to do it ‘in house’.

See my partner supported his ex wife when the kids were young and he was happy to do so.She did work once they were older part time He wasn't quite so happy when they were adults and had moved out and she decided that she would leave her job and he could support her. Think he felt taken the piss out of them. They divorced within 2 years of that

I’m interested to know exactly how this set up perpetuates inequality between the sexes?

1. Reinforcement of Traditional Gender Roles: When a stay-at-home wife supports a husband with a demanding job, it reinforces traditional gender roles, where men are seen as breadwinners and women as caregivers. This cultural norm perpetuates the expectation that women's primary responsibility is to the home and children, while men's primary role is to provide financially. Such stereotypes limit both men's and women's opportunities and personal growth.
2. Career Advancement and Gender Disparity: The assumption that women are more likely to take on part-time work or career breaks to care for children contributes to the gender disparity in career advancement. Employers may be less likely to invest in the professional development of women, assuming they will eventually prioritize family over career. This leads to fewer women in leadership positions and widens the gender pay gap.
3. Bias in Hiring and Promotion: When employers assume that women are more likely to take time off for family responsibilities, they may consciously or unconsciously prefer hiring and promoting men, especially for high-responsibility roles. This bias can result in discriminatory practices that limit women's career opportunities and perpetuate a male-dominated workplace culture.
4. Workplace Policy and Support Structures: The stay-at-home wife model can influence workplace policies and support structures. If it is assumed that women will take on the primary caregiving role, there may be less incentive for companies to implement supportive measures such as paternity leave, flexible working hours, and onsite childcare. This lack of support can make it even more challenging for women to balance work and family, reinforcing the cycle of gender inequality.
5. Impact on Male Employees: This dynamic also affects men by discouraging them from taking on a more active role in parenting and household responsibilities. Men who wish to take paternity leave or work flexibly to support their families may face stigma or lack of support from their employers. This perpetuates a rigid division of labor that limits men's involvement in family life and women's participation in the workforce.
6. Societal Expectations and Pressure: The model of a stay-at-home wife supprting a husboand with a big job sets societal expectations that pressure women to conform to these roles, even if they desire a different path. Women who choose to focus on their careers may face judgment and criticism, while men who wish to be more involved in childcare may be viewed as less ambitious or committed to their careers.

I've always told my son that if he has a baby he should be in a position to support his wife financially.

I've always told my daughter that a man is not a plan.

That’s terrible advice. People need two salaries now. He’ll never have a baby with that attitude.

We'll never get out of women having to work with that attitude. My sister's husband does it, and he has an average job

would you not like him to have the option to stay at home spending time with his kids?

what if he’s great with kids, but not in a position to support his wife financially, but his wife is in a position to support him?

do you not think this is a completely sexist message? Find a wife and look after her, men need to earn the money.

personally I think any adult should be able to support themselves. Everyone, male or female should be looking to make sure they are in a position to support their children financially.

Or you can just tell him a bloke or do instead 😄.

That's exactly what hubby and I decided before having kids. And I wouldn't change a thing love every day with them being home or out and about

I'll never tell my DS this. If that's what he wants to do, fair enough but he's not under any obligation to. I wouldn't expect it from a partner.

1. How do you feel about typically female dominated roles like nurses, midwives, nursery workers etc whereby they are lower paid than a lot of typically male dominated industries that are higher paid? - do those women also perpetuate inequality between the sexes? Should they pass up a typically ‘female’ job role? Or is it just the SAHM’s doing all the feminist heavy lifting here??
2. Career / pay gaps exist in relation to women birthing children and everything that comes with that - yes. Again, doesn’t relate to SAHM’s raising their children themselves and not putting them into childcare. If you wish to really represent the rights of women, you really need to get into politics and approach the decision makers in this country rather then berating SAHM’s on mumsnet.
3. illegal - shouldn’t happen, possibly does with poor employers. Again, nothing to do with SAHM’s.
4. really reaching with this one! Really don’t know where to start, completely random that you relate this to being a SAHM.

I could go on but it is absolutely ridiculous that you vilify SAHM’s to this extent.

I don't know if i would do it, have a man support me, but I wouldn't date one that thinks women should work

I wouldn’t date a man who thinks women shouldn’t work.

i also wouldn’t date a man who wouldn’t sah and look after the kids if circumstances needed him to.

I would also tell my sons not to date any woman who expected to give up work and rely on him financially.

Just a guess, but I'm thinking that that people who believe those things do not happen and they have nothing to do with the fact that the CEO and board are all men with SAHM wifes, are themselves not actually working?

I wouldn’t like not having my financial independence though. I like having money - my money - to spend as I wish. You’re glamourising things I think. Imagine the reality of being totally financially dependent on your husband. Because that’s the reality. You’re basically an unpaid slave.

1. Yes absolutely female dominated roles should be less so. But it’s driven by the whole idea that women are carers, reinforced by the fact women care for children, not men.
2. pay gaps do exist because of sahm/pt workers. Our civil service department has a massive gender pay gap for this reason. Despite set pay scales which mean men don’t generally get paid more for the same roles. It starts at 50:50 at entry level, then women leave to raise children before they get to senior levels, or work part time so limit themselves to the roles that can be done part time.
3. yes it is illegal and shouldn’t happen. But if you’re a small employer choosing between equally qualified candidates, you choose the man because of the high proportion of women leaving or going pt after children.
4. this absolutely does happen. Not reaching at all, dh experienced it. He is in a male dominated job, and when i went back to work he had to do the school pick ups/sick days when I was on shift. He actually used to get “can’t your wife do it” when he’d say he wasn’t staying late as he had to pick up at 6. Comments when he was in at 9 rather than 8.30. Men doing the childcare was seen very negatively, and absolutely they were expected to have their wives do all that.

My question was whether women should refuse to take roles in female dominated industries? Otherwise by your logic they are contributing to all of the issues you describe? I’m just wondering why you seem to come for SAHM’s so much.

me and toomany are different posters, but I don't see either of us 'come for SAHM'. You asked how SAHM/big earner man perpetuates inequality, I answered. You don't believe me. I have experienced it though. And so has DH, 'but can't your wife do it??'.

Imagine labour government decided women don't have to work now ? Who would do it ?

How do you imagine that, some kind of Handsmaid's Tale style? Nobody has to work right now as well, if they have some other ways to cover their living expenses.

Why do you think women shouldn't work? We fought to be able to work and have our own financial independence. If you don't want to that's your personal decision but I and many other women WANT to work.

I would work. I wouldn't trust any government not to go back on their word!

The only way I would quit work is if I have millions in my own bank that was mine and mine alone.