To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

Given a choice, I would choose the set up I have now of working but part-time. It's stimulating, it's engaging, it gives me a break for my mental health, and gives me some independence. I actually think I'm a better Mum doing both because I'm more appreciative of the time I have with DS and I want him to grow up not thinking that women are housewives

Being feminist is having the option to choose. If you want to make that choice to stay home and not work that’s not antifeminist. To say only women should have choice to stay at home assuming in this case all men have to work, is anti feminist. It should be one partner can stay at home regardless of gender.

Do you use other women's cheap labour to ensure you can stay at home? Or do you do these thankless tasks yourself ?

I’m the total opposite, based on x2 mat leaves I hate not working and also hate cleaning haha

Love my kids to absolute pieces but I’m not myself when all I do is look after them…I do only work school hours now though.

Everyone is different

Do you use other women's cheap labour to ensure you can stay at home?

What?!

People can choose not to work if they have enough money.

Whether they employ others or not makes no difference whatsoever.

@moaningmyrtle4 · Today 22:39

Being feminist is having the option to choose. If you want to make that choice to stay home and not work that’s not antifeminist.

100% agree! It's only the women who have no choice but to work, who come out with this bullshit that you're 'not a feminist' if you are a Stay-At-Home-Mum (SAHM.) As you say, feminism is about women having A CHOICE! And if women make the choice to stay at home with their children, then they are not 'letting the side down!' Not every bloody woman wants to devote her life, her time, and her SOUL to her fucking career!

@Missola · Today 18:47

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I love being a SAHM, it is great going at my own pace and being in my home more. I think if more mothers could afford to do it then they probably would too - even if that was just the first year or 2 after having their kids.

Personally I feel it’s more feminist to say that a woman can choose her own path, I feel no shame in being a SAHM and often the only strange reactions I receive are from jealous women.

Exactly this. I have always worked part time (since having DC 26-27 years ago,) and the comments I got from SOME women (when my DC were younger and I was younger) were horrible. The jealousy poured out of their comments. Spiteful, nasty, jealous remarks and comments, looking down on me for being part time, but also bitterly jealous and angry that they had to work full time.

I have also known a number of SAHMs over the past 20-30 years, who have had to endure spiteful bitchy comments from jealous, bitter, angry women who are furious that some other women get to stay at home with their children.

So there is the truth, they are not actually feminist .

Yes true. The angry and bitter 'working' women slating the Stay-At-Home-Mums who they are jealous of, are NOT feminists!

I think you need a better job. I feel this is more about how much you hate your work than how much you would like to stay at home and slave for your husband.

@bluetopazlove No I clean my own home. It’s not thankless, I derive a lot of fulfilment from caring for my family. They appreciate all that I do and tell me often. Without these tasks my husband couldn’t have the job that he does.
I don’t subscribe to a notion that ‘paid’ work is the only meaningful route to fulfilment in life. I think that knocking one woman to try and feel enriched yourself is also an odd path in life.

You seem to be falling into the jealous woman camp that I spoke of - my life’s ambition and choices make no difference to you and yours. Infact it amuses me that you care so much, when I care so little of your fulfilment of paid work being the only purpose to serve. I won’t look back on my life and wish I’d spent it in more business meetings.

No, never wanted to be at home full time. I love working and being in a relationship where we both pull our financial weight. Also wanted to be there for my kids and was lucky I could do that part time and maintain my professional career. It was like having two lives at once.

I am a sahm and whilst it's great to not have the horrible sinking feeling about 5pm on a Sunday that I have work in the morning....I did get to have disposable money, great social life, every evening to do as I pleased.
I'm a sahm mum now to a kid that has barely slept through, won't sleep much before 10pm but doesn't sleep in either. My husband works away a fair chunk. I do 90% of the house/child related stuff. Whilst I do get to do things with my son, it's bloody hard going on little sleep day in day out. He's a whirlwind! The only nights I've not co-slept in nearly 3 years are the odd time I've had to go away for something.
I think I will feel a bit differently when he starts school with a bit more time. It's been a fairly isolating experience but I made the choice to leave my job and I don't wish to return to it. I am however looking to retrain in the future to do a job which I will actually enjoy and fit around school- now that feels more of a privilege!

Yeah I guess it depends on how you see it and also the relationship that you have. My husband has never seen it as me spending ‘his’ money. I’ve never felt like I’m on bended knee for anything and we just have a shared bank account that I use whenever - because it’s my money also. My husband is balanced, emotionally mature, doesn’t control money and my access to it as a form of control and when he had children knew what a big job it would be to look after them and run a household. He couldn’t be the higher earner that he is without me being the bedrock of our family and household supporting him to do that. It works for us, but I’m sure it wouldn’t work for everyone.

I don't think I need a better paid job, past all that now. But not once did I see the sentence , the best person for the job . Which made me think male or female ?These jobs in the home automatically went to some poor woman because it seems she was considered the best person for the job
Now forgive be but there is still a lot of fuss out there as there still seems to be a lot of fuss out there of which sex is the best person for a job .
You can't deny it .

and oh yeah@Jumpers4goalposts
your post did come across as pretty rude ,about how much my long ago retired job paid me . Oh and I used to slave for my old husband🙄 .Manners .

I think the grass is rarely greener, my OH worked 12 hour shifts, weekends and nights, I spent about 7 years as a SAHM then part time work plus volunteering and it was ok keeping busy through the week but those weekends and nights were very lonely. Hope you find a job you’re happier in 🙂

I didn’t say anything about better paid? I meant the OP needs to change her job to one they enjoy and get fulfilment from. I don’t think a job has to solely be about income, it’s about purpose, enjoyment and fulfilment as well. I also didn’t say anything about best person for the job?

Slave for your husband?

You must have a very unkind and unthankful husband?!

Thankfully many husbands are very supportive and appreciative if their partners take care of the home and children.

I don’t think a job has to solely be about income, it’s about purpose, enjoyment and fulfilment

And many women derive purpose, enjoyment and fulfilment from looking after their families and their home, from caring for others, from volunteering and hobbies!

I don’t think a job has to solely be about income, it’s about purpose, enjoyment and fulfilment.

I think 99% of people just work for the £ and wouldn't do it if they won the lottery.

Work is more than money.I work because I want to,I am good at my job. It’s a fit for my personality & academic interests. I’d never chose not to work,irrespective of finances.

SAHM here and I love it! A lot of people say I “threw” away my career but it I wouldn’t have it any other way. We are in no way super rich, DH has a very average salary, but happiness trumps money IMO! I hear so many people say they couldn’t afford it, but if it is something you and the family want… then you make ends meet!

Yes, well. Might have a different opinion to brother....

1. Women have always worked. Poor women especially. Since the dawn of time.
2. Their incomes were desperately needed to raise families out of poverty. Also some women were left destitute if husbands or father's died.
3. The rising cost of living meant that house buying, for instance became impossible on one salary. House prices have risen because of demand, not because there's more money around.
4. To keep clever, talented women chained to domestic duties means their gifts are lost to society.
5. I've heard this before in American think.

I wish your brother well, but beg to differ.

Don't honestly know any who have done or would do that full time. Seems more 1950s to me.

Why is it always women giving things up? Why didn’t you both go part-time? Or why did your husband not give up his job? You’ve been somewhat disingenuous to say that if you want something enough then it’s achievable. Essentially everything comes down to finances. The money has to stack up you were able to give up work because jointly you were able to make cuts & restrictions that you were willing to make.