To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

I am of the generation who stayed at home to bring up the children. Some of todays necessities were our luxuries. We did without luxuries - no phone even at home, no car, no dining out, clothes bought when absolutely necessary or made at home from remnants, two hand made sweaters unpicked when too small to make one bigger one, we played with the children and visited museums etc. My children have grown up to be responsible, well adjusted adults.

I had a good career that I loved and waited to have children so I could be a housewife when I had them. I did try returning to work part time but I didn’t enjoy it … I don’t regret having been at home when my DDs were young. It was my plan.

I won't say that I loved cleaning, but it was something I know how to do and do well and quickly. I did like to cook and bake.
All that changed when I became a SAHM. Unless your spouse is a good person, being a SAHM is just putting yourself in the position to be abused.
Statistically, he will act like a jerk. He will be a slob. He will not raise his kids. He will overspend and hide money. He will expect you to not only do wife and mother duties, but he will also expect you to take over the husband and father duties as well. He will be mad that you don't' make money but will devise ways to prevent you from working. He will do the lawn and repairs but will complain about them. When you do them instead, he will berate you for taking away his masculinity. You will be lucky if you go out with him, much less have any time for friends and family.
Now, many will come on here and tell how their husband/partner never/would never. And yes, those relationships exist.
But most have the men doing absolutely nothing at all beyond going to work. The worst have financial and verbal and emotional abuse.
The very worst have physical abuse as well, including SA.
Being a SAHM is one of the riskiest things a woman can do in this world. A little less maybe in the UK than in the USA where I am with zero real ways out, but still a giant risk.
Basically, what I am saying is that it takes a lot more than being a good cook and cleaning to be a SAHM. It takes a willing partner who treats you like a real person and who acknowledges that all the unpaid work you do is work and is contributing to the household. And he also needs to be willing to put in more than just his paid work to the relationship. And he also needs to be willing to set aside savings for you, life insurance for you, retirement savings for you.
Too many SAHM and their children out here living lives in poverty while their husbands are enjoying a middle class or higher lifestyle.

When my children were young I was lucky enough to be a SAHM for a couple of years. It wasn't as great as it seems. Yes, it was great to have that time with my children, the house was tidy and I was never rushing around. However I lost my identity, I didn't have much to contribute to conversations as my life was my kids and I hated not earning my own money. Even though I was doing a job in looking after the house and family, it's still not fun to not have a personal income.

get outta town

i love working and earning and making money

i loathe house work

i love my kids but i cant be a stay at home mum. I need more

I’ve worked from 13-35. Im very lucky that for the past 2 years I’ve been a SAHM to my toddler twins. I’ve always wanted to be a SAHM until they started school so made sure I was in the financial position to do so before I had them. However the way things are I will be going back to work part time next year when they start school. I don’t think it’s necessary to be a SAHM when they are at school. I think at least part time work is necessary for any parent of school age children. What on earth would you do with your days once you’ve done the necessary chores in an hour or 2?!

I like bringing money into the house and not having to be propped up financially by my DH. I wouldn’t feel right asking for money I didn’t play a part in earning. I still cook, clean as does DH, we are a partnership. I’d feel rotten being at home tending to the house and all that goes with, I am making a contribution of sorts but not a financial one which to me is very important. I didn’t go to school, college and put myself through apprenticeships and a lot of graft to stay home and play house.
It’s all about balance and ultimately having a job you enjoy. I love my job, it’s very social, skilled and every day is different. My colleagues are like extended family and we get all the school holidays off to gear our time with our kids. I couldn’t go back to working for 4 weeks holiday a year.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I love being a SAHM, it is great going at my own pace and being in my home more. I think if more mothers could afford to do it then they probably would too - even if that was just the first year or 2 after having their kids.
Personally I feel it’s more feminist to say that a woman can choose her own path, I feel no shame in being a SAHM and often the only strange reactions I receive are from jealous women. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I certainly didn't know any of these stay at home women. I'm in my 60s. Women have worked all my life, including my mum, my grandmothers and my great grandmothers. And everyone else I knew. Noone of them could have afforded to stay home.

Not for me. I went back to work the minute I could when my children were small, I don’t enjoy cooking or cleaning and I would be bored out of my mind home alone every day while kids at school.

My Mum and Grandmother both worked until retirement age and I’m 50 so it wasn’t the norm to stay home back then either.

And the experiences/ sport kit and fees/ travelling for competitions and family days out really and truly make a big difference when they grow up.

That is one thing that baffles me on all similar threads. Money is a dirty word, and you should never want anything more than basic necessities. If you want financial security for your children, with all that has to offer, you are greedy evil cow who only cares about the cash and not about the precious moments.

No, I wasn't there 24/7 and I didn't change every single nappy myself. But this means I can pay DC1's uni fees and DC2 can go to a high level training camp for his hobby. But as I can read here, I have therefore failed as a mother.

YANBU. At all. But unfortunately - it’s a pipe dream these days.

Mine all went to nursery from 13 months ,part time ,and are all successful and very well adjusted adults p

Unfortunately, this isn’t exactly what was experienced by these very same women.

I do wish I would have at least half their strength and will to change things as for the better of all as they did. They gave us choice and that is freedom. It was made with loads of sacrifice for them. Why would you want to have no other choice?

I am sorry if you can’t choose what you want but you shouldn’t forget that you still have the freedom of choosing. Be grateful.

Well im in my 60s and where I grew up all the mums stayed home, My mum didn’t work and my dads wage was enough to keep us and pay for holidays too. He was just on an average wage.

Where did you grow up? I grew up in Yorkshire and London

All women worked! honestly, the factories had so many workers in them that they could not let them all out at the same time, so they divided the workforce in half - women started and finished 15 minutes earlier than men - and that divided the workforce exactly in half!

Does anyone actually enjoy tidying and cleaning?

well, homes need tidying and cleaning anyway, it would just be lovely not to have to work as well!

Also I agree with a previous poster about how it’s seen as somehow selfish and materialistic and unmaternal to want more financially than just getting by.

You see lots of posters advise women that being a stay at home mum and making do on one salary is fine cos you can “just have no luxuries” no holidays, no treats etc. But in reality living like that whether you work out of the home or not is incredibly wearing and dull

I have a cleaner 2x a week
No idea whether she enjoys it

@Motheranddaughter

she’s getting paid for it though so it’s a bit different…

I’m a SAHM to a 2 year old. I was a teaching assistant so most of my friends work school hours. I am so so lonely at the moment, I have no family except my husband and children. I am extremely grateful to have been there for my youngest child’s first years but I have completely lost my identity as a person which is hard. I was the working parent with my middle child and my husband stayed home and also found that hard not seeing him (DS lol not DH). My first child both me and my husband worked full time and I had my mum for childcare. I think it’s really hard to get it right for you and your family in this day and age and the current climate

The 1960s were a bit of an anomaly. Probably more to do with job shortages and jobs were for men. Most people rented or lived as extended families. Rent was low.
Women worked historically. They often worked from home doing piece work, glove makers, laundresses, seamstress just have a read of the census.
When most of the family worked then the mother would become housekeeper using the money she charged her family to run a household. But usually she would have a side hustle and often households would take in lodgers to boost income.

Personally I feel it’s more feminist to say that a woman can choose her own path, I feel no shame in being a SAHM and often the only strange reactions I receive are from jealous women. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree. Women should feel empowered to choose their own path. Some mothers prefer to prioritise their children and home, others enjoy working for an outside employer and the financial independence it gives them.