To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

@Grammarnut - well put!

Rather silly and infantilising to make sweeping generalisations.

Yes, that's what I thought.

I mean most of us aren’t daft. It’s a risk but a considered one. There are always pros and cons but if you have marketable skills and are smart and driven the risk is less.

The women I know are thriving post sahm phase. Employers happy as they get a valuable asset trained by someone else who isn’t going to take mat leave and isn’t jaded and cynical by years in the workforce. My neighbour was out for 10 years but was snapped up back in her profession as there’s a shortage in her field.

Please let's just stop this sahm Vs working mum argument. It's tough enough being a mum as it is. We are all different, kids are all different, jobs are all different, lifestyles and demands are all different. We are all doing our best. Be kind, support each other, cheer on those doing well in their careers while balancing kids at home and doing an amazing job at both- just wow!!. Cheer on those who have chosen a career break and are enjoying the freedom to spend time with their kids when they are very young- enjoy this time!!. There is no right answer. These arguments come from a place of insecurity on both sides, where anyone feels some doubt. It's quite possible for a sahm to have moments where she thinks she could do with some time away from the kids doing something more intellectually challenging and interacting with grownups. Just as there are moments when working mum's can sometimes feel like they've taken on too much or don't see enough of their kids. It is fact that those who work are financially more secure and find value outside the home. It is fact that those who spend time at home do more childcare and homemaking and generate more value within the home. It's not fact that one is better than the other.

It is fact that one of those options provides the woman in question with more financial security and control over her own destiny, and that in many, many instances this can literally be a life-saver. I’m sorry, I’m not prepared to gloss over that to make people feel better.

Sorry, I misunderstood (I didn't have my glasses on to see the detail of the emoji!). Anyway, I think you are probably right - I don't think I would want to befriend a purely twee version of myself either! 😁I think that communication platforms like this often force people to adopt a particular stance in which they attempt to distil confusing and contradictory realities into meaningful, overly simplistic narratives. Real life is, obviously, much more nuanced. Sometimes it is the twee ideals that provide a framework and enable you to pick your way through the drudgery. No smiling, perfectly arranged snapshot will ever be anything other than a superficial representation. These sort of exchanges are good, in that they always force me to take stock and give me a bit of a befuddled headache!

Succinctly put!

It would need to be down to personal choices and not necessarily a choice for the woman to be the one at home, just a parent.

My husband would have been in the OP's position, I need to work. I have found the full-time parent thing insane, plenty to do, yes but mind-blowingly boring. I felt a lot of my personality and skills being wasted as they were no longer needed at home.

But I do agree in principle with that it would be nice if one of the parents could focus solely on parenting and home stuff if they wish, but I disagree that it should be just a choice for a woman though.

Career OR children. You can't really do both and do a good job at either. One always suffers.

What a load of bollocks. I chose both. My kids are adults now and fabulous. And I showed them that you can enjoy your working life as well as be a great mum. The key is flexible working, a partner who understands and shares the load and bloody good nurseries/childminders. Oh and an Instant Pot - meant my kids had decent food every night!

My brother tells me that women have only themselves to blame when they wanted to go out to work in the 60s/70s and demanded equal rights in the workplace (not my opinion)….hence the cost of living was based on 2 incomes.

Your brother sounds delightful 🙄

Career OR children. You can't really do both and do a good job at either. One always suffers.

So do you consider your husband an inadequate parent, or bad at his job?

Your brother is an idiot.

I am so sorry you have a misogynist as a brother 😐I hope you give him an earful.

It’s amazing how it always seems to apply to mothers who work full time but not fathers.

If we want true choice then we have to accept that men also find work dull, boring and tedious

Many studies have actually shown that on average men have HIGHER workplace satisfaction than women.

Men also tend to be more career driven and identify more with their jobs than most women.

Biologically women who are mothers will naturally prioritise their offspring.

It’s amazing how it always seems to apply to mothers who work full time but not fathers.

Do you honestly don't think that biology and hormones could account for some of that difference?

I can see how it might account for how some people feel about it, but I don't see how it can change the actual truth, or not, of the situation itself. Either it's possible to work a job well while parenting well, or it's not. What have biology and hormones got to do with the factual truth of that?

And if it is possible, why would biology and hormones make it possible only for men? Feelings about it aside, what is it about female biology and hormones that make it impossible for them to be both good employees and good parents?

I was referring to how working mums are routinely called selfish, can’t possibly spend enough time with their children, have to choose between parenting and a career and apparently don’t even raise their children but the same never applies to working fathers.

If it’s possible for fathers to work full time and be a good parent then the same is possible for mothers.

Biology is not destiny. There are also societal constructs and patriarchal structures that influence choices, not just biology.

If you say "Many studies have actually shown that on average men have HIGHER workplace satisfaction than women", don't you think that could be due to the fact that men do not face active discrimination in the workplace unlike women?

The more women turn away from the workplace, the more it reinforces the impression that a woman's place is in the home, turning backwards the clock and the negating the fight for equality by our women forbears.

Nothing to do with biology and everything to do with the patriarchy.

He has it the wrong way round. As a result of women entering the workplace, societies have become much wealthier.

As a result, things which our ancestors saw as luxuries, we see as commonplace (cars for example) and because a 2 income family is the norm, many people can afford them.

Good point about 3 gens, but re working smart > hard I fully with you, but obviously OP hasn't done whatever getting wealthy (whether that be working smart or hard) entails. No offense.

The more women turn away from the workplace, the more it reinforces the impression that a woman's place is in the home

True.

However, before I had my children I absolutely loved my job and all the travelling abroad that it involved. I was very well paid and worked long hours. It was hard work but very rewarding.

Since becoming a mother, my priorities have changed. I no longer WANT to put in the same hours for an outside employer. I want to spend as much time as possible with my children.

So yes, some women turn away from the workplace because their priorities change.

I’m with you OP. I loathe working full time with a preschooler and toddler in nursery. But we need two wages. Sucks.

This wishful thinking doesn't take in account that supporting an offspring means providing financially.
And also ignoring the fact that kids grow up extremely fast. And the experiences/ sport kit and fees/ travelling for competitions and family days out really and truly make a big difference when they grow up.
(And this is aside from all the risk taking by opting out of the workforce that was already discussed).