To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

You do you. If it is a choice through your free will, knock yourself out. I wish I did not have to work, too, but mostly because I feel old and knackered a lot of the time.

I would have said that, until I was forced to take early retirement due to ill health.
But I have absolutely no problem filling my time with fulfilling activities when I choose to. Obviously it's nothing like being a SAHM with small children to look after and I only have the lifestyle I do because I have previously had a successful career and have a good pension and investments. I'd definitely rather be working than be at home with with limited means and no independent income, especially with only small children for company.
But I have completely changed my opinion on work being essential for intellectual stimulation. I have taken up loads of new stuff since I gave up work and resurrected previous interests that were casualties of my career. If I woke up tomorrow magically cured and fit for work again tomorrow I don't think I'd want to go back, and I did genuinely enjoy my work.

@LMMuffet - thank you!

Things like the PP said are said to convince themselves that their choice is ok (which it is absolutely ok of course, but they don't need to prove it!).

I get a huge amount of satisfaction and fulfilment from my career, I have a varied job that pays extraordinary well, relatively low stress and v flexible hours so it enables us to do and experience things we otherwise would not.

It is insulting when people infer we don't value our children because we choose to have a job. I mean, yeah, ok love...

There isn’t a one size fits all. We are all different with different children, circumstances etc. I always think the media loves to set women up against each other. I loved the times I was able to be ‘at home’ but hated housework!

Housewives rely upon other working women to be realistically discuss career,workplace and career and model working to their children . The housewife can’t discuss work because they don’t have contemporary current work experience. I await the slew of posts from the used to be women posting they ^used to be high paid,successful, top of their game, sought after etc but gave it all up to be a mother and run a home

I'd love not to have to work, but I think there's some rose tinted glasses going on here.

I would not be happier if I was trapped and stripped of my independence. I don't think many of us would, in reality.

My relationship with my dp would not be improved by us leading significantly different lives, or by living in a society that was more unequal.

My dc's lives would be worse if they weren't able to have the close relationship they have with their df, forged through him doing half the childcare.

We have a truly equal relationship with professional work and domestic duties. It’s a great way to live and our kids are now at university and have brilliant views on equality. It can be done! I am in the real world too ;-)

Love the implication that I rely on a man just because I stay at home. (I don’t) and there is nothing wrong with that anyway. I’m sure your career is absolutely riveting… you sound a joy to sit next to all day. Women like you are exactly why I quit!

Miaow

But I thought you quit because you value your children more than those of us who value using our brains, rather than because of us? How very confusing!

Yes of course that’s confusing for you! I didn’t say I quit because I valued my children I said I stayed at home because I valued them…
I am disengaging, you are wasting my time.. why don’t you go back to work and “use your brain”

Fortunately valuing and loving one's children immeasurably and having an interesting, worthwhile job aren't mutually exclusive

@OvalLemon so how do you pay for yourself?

Exactly this. Anyone else that argues otherwise is wasting their breath. This is not an argument about who loves their kids more - come on.

Ah I understand now. Having loud sex in the afternoon is the preserve of the enviable lifestyle of stay at home mums.

Since dh and I both work from home, I suppose I could theoretically jump his bones in the afternoon and have a noisy rumpy pumpy session. Just have to make sure neither of us are on Teams calls with the camera and audio on. Will also remember to close the windows as noise travels.

She absolutely does rely on her husband to support her. She said in a previous post: “I appreciate my husband so much more for working harder and longer so that I can have a choice.”

But she has flounced off the thread now and is unlikely to respond to you.

Perhaps I was a little too sharp/mocking in my tone. I actually don’t care if some people want to be housewives. But as someone who could rely on my husband’s income but chooses not to because I love my job and doing something intellectually stimulating and of societal value I found it annoying - and simply incorrect - when she suggested that women who choose to work do so because they don’t have sufficient friends or hobbies and then doubled down to suggest it was because we value our children less!

And don’t get me started on the OP who seems to want a return to the days when women weren’t allowed to have fulfilling careers…

I hate cooking and cleaning but I love working.

I play the lottery simply so I can pay someone to cook and clean for me, not so I can give up work.

Thats not true.
Peasants: may have taken a baby with them when working the field, tied up to them while they worked or leaving them in the grass on the side. Or, left them in their home by themselves in the crib, or often tied to something so they wont crawl away. Or. Left them with an older women, relative who would mind them, or even their siblings. Happened in my home country as recently as mid-20 century.

Totally agree.

Ah I understand now. Having loud sex in the afternoon is the preserve of the enviable lifestyle of stay at home mums.

Not what I said, not what I meant. My point was that there are fun advantages of being a SAHM, and it’s not a position that’s just a bunch of mindless drudgery.

You know, I never come after working mothers, because I get that different people and different families have different needs. Why some people on this site are unable to do the same for SAHMs, I don’t know.

My babies loved being carried around in a sling, while I went about my work - they have grown up to be well adjusted and secure. As I said previously, I am not talking about a need to return to some sort of imagined 'Golden Age'...but it is important to recognise which elements of child rearing are essential for optimal psychological/emotional development. Why is it that most seem so willing to accept that 'breast is best', but seem unable to acknowledge that it is also best for babies and young children to be allowed to be physically close to their primary caregivers for most of the time during those crucial early years?

It doesn’t even have to be Nigel disappearing in to the sunset with another woman.

if poor old Nigel has a heart attack and drops dead who’s going to finance your sahm lifestyle?

that’s exactly what happened to my mum when I was 9. She’d stopped work when she got married and had no idea about the working world. Suddenly our only income was gone and she had 3 kids to support.

this is why I could never not work. My life is set up so dh could drop dead or have a life changing disability, run off with Sharon from the co-op, get made redundant, or just decide he cba to work any more and I can financially provide for all of us.

You are so naive, it’s ridiculous.
is it good for a 1 year old baby to not be able to crawl and play but be continually strapped in to their working mum ALL DAY LONG?
we are not talking about modern baby wearing.
did you read the rest of my post that women still had to leave their children with someone else, or even alone?

I think you jumped the shark with that one.

I am not naïve - you are the one talking about bad alternatives, not me! I am saying that the basic principle should be the right of a baby/young child to be in close physical proximity to their primary caregiver for the vast majority of the time. The fact that you are giving examples of situations where this was achieved in a suboptimal way does not mean that it will necessarily be a negative experience! You are setting up a strawman argument!