To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

That sounds great.

What does 0.7 look like realistically.

Is is that one parent works three days, and the other parent works three days?

How is it 24/7 when the kids are at school or asleep. If you’re young enough to be in nursery then you’re not going to be critically thinking about 24/7 being too much with mum or dad.

@Carly944 I mean before school starts obviously. You are with your mother 24/7 if she chooses to be a SAHM.

My children weren’t with me 24/7 - they went to pre-school a couple of mornings a week. We also went to toddler groups where they socialised with other children. They then had play dates with other children and I had coffee dates with their mums.

I just asked my (now grown up) son and he said that he’s glad he didn’t have to go to a childminder. He said he always felt sad for the few children who weren’t collected from school by their mum or dad every day.

My mum & both my grandmothers went to work when their kids were little, although my mum had support from her parents and her mum worked in a shop they lived above so didn’t need/use childcare. Gran’s mum worked too, during the war. I’m the first (for a few generations at least) to be completely unemployed before my kids go to school. My husband earns enough to provide well for us all, if I’d been the one to go back to work we’d not have been able to afford a home!

My eldest does 2 mornings a week at forest school which he loves and gives me some time with just the baby, who will also do the same hours when he is 1.5.

In ‘real life’ people tell me how lucky I am but on Mumsnet it seems to be frowned upon to SAH, as if you’re stupid, vulnerable and setting a bad example for your children. IMO each family simply does what works for them, and we do what works for us, this is the life my husband & I chose for our children.

Or do you mean you wish to live in a world where a home could be supported with a single salary, or perhaps two part time salaries. Yes we all need to work too hard to live. No, the answer is not that all women are expected to give up work and cook and clean and care for kids. I'm sure plenty of men would also like to be able to spend more time at home and less time stressing about work

Yeah, SAHM have no friends, hobbies, travel or transport 🤦‍♀️

Interesting that you don't think that cooking, cleaning and childrearing are work. Some would find it really tedious awful work, but for you it isn't because you love doing those things (I myself am a career woman, but find cleaning therapeutic). I think that you just don't love your job. Are there ways to make it more interesting, or can you retrain or something?

No, we don’t all need to work. My husband and I live on his salary alone.

My first child was born in 1983 and my last in 1991. I was lucky to be able to be a stay at home mum (although I hate that term) until the youngest went to school. I have very fond memories of that time although I probably didn't fully appreciate it at the time. We weren't rich and were often broke but felt it was worth it

I would totally support a model where we all could work less but this is a distribution of wealth issue not a sex based problem. Think about the enormous strides in efficiency in the last 100 years and yet most of us don't work less we just make additional money for those who own the means of production. A fairer system would mean we could all work less, see our loved ones more and do more for society generally.

I find it completely baffling when women on here say something along the lines of how they feel sorry for women who are slaving away for capitalism rather than doing the actual valuable work of looking after their children or supporting their communities. I rather agree except I don't understand why they aren't also seeking to free their husbands from this yoke of oppression. They never seem to think their husband shouldn't have bothered having children if he's never seeing them either.

The OP has well and truly lit the blue touchpaper and run!

Journo?

As an older woman, I am aware the childrearing years are actually vanishingly short over a long life. I would not shape myself and my life around children because they are out of the house far longer than they are in it.

So parking childrearing. If we live in society, then jobs need to be done - nurses, doctors, teachers, bin collectors, shop assistants, mechanics, plumbers on and on the list goes. Someone needs to do these jobs. If we could all afford not to work then we would not have any basic services - so ironically would have to work much harder. It makes zero sense to me that half of the population does not work based on sex. Surely jobs should be based on your ability and interests, not your sex?

Why isn’t getting a new job an option? No one has to stay in the same job forever. Do you think those who enjoy their careers have always enjoyed them or never worked a job they hated to get to where they wanted to be?

For me, both working part time would be the ideal. Unfortunately, most workplaces aren't set up for this and you're both stymying your careers by doing this, which is very shortsighted of employers imho. I would go stir crazy as a SAHM myself; I often thinking anyone who can survive without working outside the home must have extremely robust mental health!

I think people def have different personalities (some like domesticity better)... But also (the illusion of) free choice makes things more fun, even if you were gonna choose that anyway.

SAHM is still seen as a legitimate career option, despite financial constraints. In 2024 you do get to choose domesticity as a cosy alternative to working... whereas in the 1900s it would have been your only option and hence lost much of the sparkle. Who knows – as a Victorian housewife, you might even have been itching to try your hand at some forbidden career option out there. So you have the best of both worlds now in getting to choose / embrace being a SAHM really.

As a non-contentious example – we get to choose our holiday destination or restaurant menu options, which makes our holiday or meal more fun. We might naturally be suited to our choice (let's call it Choice A), but if we only had Choice A given to us by default everyday, we would appreciate / enjoy it much less.

Another example – people often report enjoying school / learning much more as mature students, bc they've experienced the flipside (working) and made a free choice to study. The ability to access the alternative makes your own grass greener.

Teaching and shop assistants are not needed now. These jobs can be fully done by technology.

In the near future, we won't need humans to do bin collection either.

They already have invented cars that can drive themselves.

The old jobs no longer need to be done by humans.

It will probably take a bit longer to have nursing and doctors jobs fully done by AI, but it's definitely going that way too.

There aren't a lot of jobs that need to be done by humans.

For me, both working part time would be the ideal. Unfortunately, most workplaces aren't set up for this

Yes and they won't be while we (men and women) maintain a myth that the only proper way to do a Big Job is all hours and supported by a whole other person at home. The "he couldn't earn what he earns without me at home thing". True for a handful of jobs (like forces) but not actually necessary for vast majority of desk based roles. I have loads of men in my team who hang around all day/ go to the gym for the afternoon/ are generally slow getting things done and then can't possibly be back for bedtime. Weirdly they do not outperform the women in my team who leave at 5pm.

You need to find a job you love, or create your own business, or find some kind of meaningful purpose outside of your home.

If you think your dream purpose in life is cooking and cleaning, you haven't explored enough.

It's just the same things over and over again with no moving forward, no point. I have friends who are twins, one of them is "I did five loads of laundry today!" One is, "I helped someone beat cancer today."

Doesn't have to be that extreme. But don't be a side character in your own life.

Well, I chose to work. But it depends on the woman, I suppose.🤷‍♀️

I had a sahm and I benefit from it. As a young child I needed the down time at home relaxing after school (would probably have loved to be at home with mum 24/7 like some of you apparently were but sadly my parents thought it important I get an education!). As I got older and into secondary school I did lots of activities — music, sport, etc which meant I didn’t spend as much time with my mum but she was able to facilitate all of my activities and also be there when I did need her.

I was and still am very close to my mum but I don’t necessarily think this is because she was a sahm I think it was more because of her personality and parenting style. She genuinely enjoyed being around us as children and I think that helped strengthen the relationship. I also think it’s why she chose to stay home.

I’d love to do it for my children but sadly we can’t afford it.

Not everyone is on an upward career path, some people just have jobs in order to pay the bills.

yes, its still a Man's world 🙄its not equal & now we work all hours & pick up the slack ,its exhausting, I for one will love an empty nest /retirement

Sorry, what? Didn’t we learn during the pandemic that children learn best with in-person teachers?!

Love to see how AI obstetrics, gynecology, and psychiatry are supposed to work…

Not how my husband saw it when he left me! He swapped me for someone else. If I hadn't have had my job I would have been screwed financially and mentally. Sadly, it is easier for a man to replace a woman than a woman to replace a man, for many many reasons. Obviously this doesn't apply to all men, but we live in an unequal society and the sad fact is, it's highly possible that the woman will be shafted after divorce. It's even worse if they are not married in the first place.

The job I love is taking care of my kids.

Who’s doing the doctor twin’s laundry?