To think my parents should just book the flights

[Mastmw7g]

DH and I are in the United States and unable to pay for flights to see grandparents on the school break this year. We let everyone know with plenty of time. Both sets of grandparents agreed to pay. They decided to have my parents pay and then my ILs are going to reimburse my parents for half the cost.

My parents still haven't booked the flights. I spoke to them and they said they are very busy and will book them eventually. DH is getting irritated because he says time is passing and flights are increasing in cost and my parents choice is making this more expensive for my ILs. He says we shouldn't go and just save everyone the money.

It sounds awful, I couldn't cope with that!

Can the ILs send you their half, you book and then chase up parents. But if not I'd just cancel it as the trip is not a priority for your parents so better for you to pay for yourselves next year. Plus sounds like the ILs can't really afford it anyway.

Sorry just read your updates.

Definitely, don't let the ILs pay as on their side the trip is cancelled. If your parents want to book tickets you told them not to, then they pay.

As to what you do. Can you afford to go? Won't your accomodation cost more now?

Do you really want to go? Does your husband want to go? You say the DC want to go.

If I could still afford my accommodation and all the other trip costs and the DC all wanted to go I'd probably suck it up and go. How long are you going for?

I think you’re being a bit ridiculous to be honest, you didn’t want to go to visit your parents in the first place, but have accepted going if they and in laws split the cost of the flights to pay for you all to go.

the only thing your parents have really done wrong here is delay actually booking the flights, and not explaining why, they’ve said all along they are going to book them. Maybe they didn’t have the funds when you wanted to book them? But do now? Or maybe they were actually busy?

it all seems a load of dramatic nonsense over nothing. Why would your in laws refuse to pay half of the original agreed cost? Literally nothing has changed as far as they are concerned, to refuse to pay their original contribution, even though it was agreed, seems extremely petty and tight.

you’re behaving ridiculously IMO, if you didn’t want to go you should have just said no and meant it, if you wanted to book when YOU wanted to book you should have asked both sets of parents for half the money each upfront and booked it yourselves.. I’m actually amazed you didn’t do this but you’ve ignored every single suggestion of that on here.

and now you’re refusing to go, on what?, principle? Because they didn’t cough up and book it all for you in a timely enough manner, after all your pestering and deadlines. You just didn’t want to go to visit your parents at all, neither did DH and now you’re using this as an excuse to cancel.. so now in laws and kids miss out as well.. absolutely unbelievable.

But the trip was cancelled. The ILs have probably used at least some of the money for something else now.

It all seems very silly on their part, but the tickets are booked now so it would be a shame not to go.
I do think you need to say that ILs should only pay half of the earlier cost.

I don't understand people who don't just get things booked.

I'm waiting for my cousin to confirm if she is coming over with her DH in July. My DPs are paying for it and whilst they are happy to do so, I feel she should have confirmed by now. I'll be expected to take time off work and ferry people up and down the country so it would be good to get dates.

after hassling them for weeks and being told they would book them when they were able to, Op threatened to cancel the trip if they hadn’t booked the flights by 29th May.. the parents then asked for more time according to OP, as it happens the parents booked them on the 7/8th June.. but now that is unacceptable?? Even though her parents had said they were going to do it and had asked for a little more time to do it?

any questions about her parents perhaps not having the funds has been met with, well they ‘don’t work but they go on a lot of holidays’, maybe they were waiting for their pensions to come through at the end of the month etc.. no one seems remotely bothered that they may not have had the funds exactly when OP wanted them to have them available.. I’m sure these flights aren’t cheap.

if someone offers to pay for you all to fly home and you accept you should actually let them do it when they are able to, OR you ask them for The money to book it yourselves, and if someone offers to contribute then they should.

i highly doubt the in laws have used that money for something else, given it’s only been a week, they could have transferred the agreed amount to op when they had it, completely separate from what her parents were doing.

like I said, it’s all a lot of dramatic over complicated nonsense over nothing, they didn’t want to go anyway and should have just stuck to that originally.

I still think your parents have acted appallingly and controlling and there appears to be a greater dynamic at work here between you.

Could you use the tickets to go see your in-laws but be too busy to see your parents?! Play them at their own game.

In all seriousness, you need to have a very stern word with them about this. You need to at least be firm in that your in-laws are not paying as originally planned.

I can understand you not wanting to cut your nose off to spite your face and go, but equally they shouldn't be treating you like this.

I'd probably go, for the sake of the kids.

I would tell my parents that since they took so bloody long, and booked after they were told the trip was cancelled, they can no longer expect any reimbursement from the IL's, because realistically, they'd been told it was cancelled and may have re-allocated that money by now.

I would still visit the IL's though.

That's a lot, are they still expecting your in-laws to reimburse them?

How old are your children and why have they even been involved in this discussion . This frankly seems like a whole load of drama - you said you weren’t coming and that should have been that not getting into a tizzy because somebody hasn’t paid for your trip quickly enough .

If I were in your position, I'd go. For the in-laws and the children. BUT I wouldn't be letting the n-laws pay anything after the way your parents went about it.
I don't understand why on earth your parents waited so long and put you all through the stress and uncertainty. Seems so pointless.

I think it would be spiteful not to go. There's no downside of the late booking now for anyone as your parents are covering all the cost.

Did they ever book the tickets? @Mastmw7g

@Beautiful3

Why don’t you just read OP’s posts? Or even scroll up and read a handful of posts above yours.

They’ve paid for the tickets now so it would be ridiculous for the children and the in laws who don’t fly to miss out on seeing eachother just because your parents are twats.

We don't know that! They could still be expecting in laws to pay...

@SquishyGloopyBum they might be expecting it but they'll be disappointed! OP has told them the in-laws won't be paying.

What strikes me the most is your parents controlling behaviour - they have done exactly what they want to, despite everything you’ve said.

Only you know if you’re happy to continuing accepting that.

I find it quite difficult to understand the scenario, if I am honest.
It sounds to me that the parents could not afford to pay for the flights when asked to do so - perhaps because of their cruise, who knows.
Now they've paid for them, the OP has cancelled.
What a family dynamic.

We have lived abroad, and when we have returned to see family, it has always been at our own cost.

If coming home was important to me I would add the cost into my budgeting.

If you don’t have any imagination or have never watched a movie or read s book about family dynamics maybe you could do a little research and find out about it before posting? Because its utterly common for families to fuck each other over this way. The innocent explantation you prefer is quite unlikely to be true. In addition OP fully explained why she did not budget for this trip this year.

Nice post @pikkumyy77
Lovely to meet you.

7 pages of commentary have pretty much thrashed this out.