To think my parents should just book the flights

[Mastmw7g]

DH and I are in the United States and unable to pay for flights to see grandparents on the school break this year. We let everyone know with plenty of time. Both sets of grandparents agreed to pay. They decided to have my parents pay and then my ILs are going to reimburse my parents for half the cost.

My parents still haven't booked the flights. I spoke to them and they said they are very busy and will book them eventually. DH is getting irritated because he says time is passing and flights are increasing in cost and my parents choice is making this more expensive for my ILs. He says we shouldn't go and just save everyone the money.

This is basically my dad 🤣. Why don’t you ‘fix’ the prices now, see what the tickets currently cost and tell your parents they are only getting half of that amount from the in laws- any further price increases they will have to absorb themselves?

Ah okay. I thought the four of them were going to visit!

This is the most obvious thing to do and it would save everyone a lot of hassle.

We moved in 2010 for DH's job. He was transferred in August, though that shouldn't matter because it's still so far. They saw them last summer. My parents for two weeks and my in laws for much longer. They didn't see them at for awhile because of covid, so we've tried to give extra time.

I can call them while they are on the computer if they can make time for that. But I can't afford to pay and then wait for the reimbursement.

How did l know they didn’t work 🤣. If you want something doing then ask a busy person is my experience. But if they offered then they should come good on it, it’s not fair on your in-laws

My understanding is from friends who live in the USA that some developments / communities have a number of rules about the exterior of properties. So there are rules about maintenance, not hanging out washing etc. Even so moving house is expensive and then paying for 4 people or mores flights is quite a financial
commitment

What are you talking about ? I bet there is plenty of rules that factors put on building works In the good old UK!

Op they either come or they don't I think your inlaws should just book their own flights ASAP and at least they can visit and honestly if they can't afford it then they can't visit, meanwhile you need to say to your parents that they need to get on with it,

Yes, we pay money every month to be told our daughter can't have her ceramic fairy garden in front of our home. It's silly, but it's where we chose to live so I want to follow the rules.

My MIL is only 59 but has many health issues so my in laws do not travel. The plan is for the five of us to travel to them, with my parents paying the cost and my in laws reimbursing them for half. I like the suggestion that I tell my parents we will be directing my in laws to only pay half the original cost. That might motivate my parents.

Is it possible that your parents are trying to get out of paying because they've realised that it's perhaps cheaper for them to come to you?

Like a pp said, too busy because they're organising a cruise and excursions? OK then...

American here. When someone buys in an HOA (Home Owners Association) community they have made a legally binding contract with the HOA, which can and will be enforced by fines or even forfeiture of the property in extreme cases. By law the rules are made available to buyers before purchase, so they have no excuse not to follow them. Periodic meetings of the homeowners are held to discuss and change rules if necessary. Each home in the community gets one vote.

Those who don't wish to be bound by those rules can always move to a non-HOA community. I've lived in both, and now choose to live in an HOA community because they tend to be much more attractive and home values increase faster. The HOA, which is usually headed by property owners (i.e. your neighbors or even yourself) although professional management companies can be hired, also has responsibilities to the homeowners in the community which can be legally enforced.

Do you live in the UK? That level of control and bureaucracy about how you plan your garden after buying a new house is not the norm.

However, I grant you I have made a generalisation about the US, perhaps the OP’s situation is unusual? She just explained it in a very matter-of-fact way and I can’t imagine anyone would accept being hamstrung about their own property and finances in this way if they could avoid it.

Booking flights is a huge pain in the neck. You have to choose the airline, the departure/ arrival airports, which flight, seat selection, sometimes luggage and meal selection depending on airline, make sure you type in all the names and birthdays exactly as they are on your passports, etc. I wouldn't impose that responsibility on someone else, even if they are generously paying.

Why can't you do all the hard work at a pre-arranged time, and then when you are ready to click "pay", jump on the phone with them and they can give you the card details over the phone and do whatever they need to do validate the transaction. That way you only need a time when they have 5 minutes free, and no stress for them, rather than imposing the whole job on them. Or better still, just put it on your own credit card and ask each set of grandparents to transfer their half before the bill is due.

Or ask them to transfer you the money before you book it, or ask them for their card details (if they trust you with them)

I'd be annoyed. You told them you can't afford to go this year, you've moved house and you're doing it up. They along with ILs have decided they want to pay in order to see the GC, which is very nice of them, but lets me real it's not really for you, it's for them. Which is fine, because it will be lovely for you too.

Tell them you really need to get moving on booking flight, can they give you the CC details and you will sort it.

Those giving out that she has moved away and is expecting her parents to pay. Well she is allowed to move away and her parents are asking her to come home and have offered to pay.

Yes they do

Lots of estates won't let you build walls or fences around your front garden or if you do, it must be no higher than x feet etc

I live in an American HOA community. We have standards for garden planting and maintenance, but there are also standards set by the city. It’s the city that requires we have at least 2 trees in front of the house, not the HOA. It’s the city that requires we keep the grass mowed and will fine us if it is not done. (It’s a nuisance to your neighbors because tall grass attracts problematic pests). It’s the HOA that can require particular kinds of grass. It’s the city that requires every new housing development have green spaces with plantings that are maintained and paid for by the homeowners in the HOA.

maintaining proper greenery is taken very seriously by the city, not just the HOA. There is a mix of natural (plenty of tall grass away from housing and businesses) and manicured, but plants are a priority.

I feel like shouting "How is your life so complicated and busy? You don't work!"

You lost me exactly there, OP. So your parents are expected to (a) finance your trip and (b) do all the booking admin to your timescale. And this is entirely reasonable because, as non-working people, they should naturally be prioritising contact with you and your children above all the other activities in their life?

The fact that they haven't got around to it suggests, as you imply, that they find holiday admin/booking quite stressful. It may also suggest that the trip is less important to them than it is to you. So maybe it is time to find an arrangement that does not require them to do your holiday admin. Perhaps you could book the flights and they could do a bank transfer to your account.

Yes, tell your parents that the ILs will pay half the price if the flights so they were when it was first agreed.

Family who are too busy planning their cruise to book the flights?

Yes I live in the UK the I was meaning we also have rules about things especially if your building or flat is managed by a factor you have to have your property a certain way, but tbh I was just pointing out your snarkiness about America it's a bit unnecessary imo.

No, they're really insistent that we come at the same time my sister and my nieces will be visiting. I suggested we come at a later date and it was made clear to me that the cousin relationship was precious and needs to be nurtured. I wouldn't say the visit is very important to me. I feel obligated to go. At first I declined the offer, but they were insistent and shared with me how much they'd spent on my sister's family this year, so it was only fair to spend this on my family. The "fairness" argument was very convincing at the time. I don't know why. They do visit me during the year, so I'd understand if this summer's visit was less important to them, but they have been rather forceful in their arguments that it needs to happen.

why don't you get a price and ask them both to transfer you the amount so you can buy them.. no one is having to fork out the whole cost then?

TBH in that case, if your parents are so insistent on you coming at that time, I would go with the "in-laws are only paying x amount so further delays will cost your parents more" route. It might prompt them to pull their finger out. What a pp said before is usually correct though... if you want something doing, ask a busy person.