To think my parents should just book the flights

[Mastmw7g]

DH and I are in the United States and unable to pay for flights to see grandparents on the school break this year. We let everyone know with plenty of time. Both sets of grandparents agreed to pay. They decided to have my parents pay and then my ILs are going to reimburse my parents for half the cost.

My parents still haven't booked the flights. I spoke to them and they said they are very busy and will book them eventually. DH is getting irritated because he says time is passing and flights are increasing in cost and my parents choice is making this more expensive for my ILs. He says we shouldn't go and just save everyone the money.

I don’t understand why the in laws not having as much money as the OP’s parents means the OP’s parents have to pay and then be reimbursed. I wonder if the in laws will struggle to afford the flights at all and the parents have sussed this.

I think it’s all sounding too much hassle for the parents and possibly a bigger financial commitment than they’re comfortable with.

"Very busy"? How long does booking a flight take? 1/2 hr at the most, I'd say.

I'd tell them the offer has expired and you'll see them in 2025.

So annoying when people faff about and leave others dangling.

Your parents sound like a pain in the arse.

If they were too busy to book flights they could have transfered you the money to do it.

I don't blame your husband for wanting to cancel the trip.

The blame is with your "too busy " parents and maybe you should tell them that.

What a pain, OP. Unfortunately your parents sound very controlling and inconsiderate.

How about bypassing them, since they're not willing to engage, and your ILs arranging to fly over to you instead? That way nobody is left waiting for your parents, and your ILs only need to pay for their own flights, at their own convenience.

My parents aren't accepting that we've cancelled and say they're still going to book flights but they haven't yet. They say they're very busy. My youngest daughter is angry with me for saying the visit won't be happening and says she'll never forgive my parents. My in laws do not travel, so they cannot come to us.

What conversation have you actually had with them? You won’t answer this. We can’t really make any helpful comment without knowing what you’ve actually told them.

Have you told them that your in-laws cannot comfortably afford the increase in price? Have you told them the stress they are causing your family?

Dear Mum and Dad,

Please don't book the flights - we will not be coming and this decision is not one we've made lightly. If you had booked the flights when we asked X weeks ago then we'd have happily come, but we are unable to live with such uncertainty when the summer holidays are almost upon us and we have now made alternative plans.

Your DD will get over it if you make plans to do something else fun. You really need to start steering your own ship OP, rather than letting the wind blow you every which way.

Can’t you put on a credit card and have them reimburse you before the payment falls due?

Your DD is acting out on you in a very natural but unbecoming way. Her disappointment should never have been a factor in your negotiations with your parents. Let your kids know that they will often not get a treat. That is reality.

How about

"These are the flights I am going to book. They cost £x. If you transfer the money, it will only take a few mins on your side, and I will do all the booking from our side. If we can't get this organised by 'Friday' we won't be coming at all as it is getting too expensive for DH's parents"

You're not really explaining what you have said/asked, or what they have replied to your suggestions, apart from them being busy.

It's been over messaging because they've been too busy to speak with me. I said my husband was upset with the extra cost to my in laws. I didn't say this was causing stress to our family, but I said we would be making other plans for the summer because the dates for the visit is less than a month away and they haven't booked flights. The response I have is that I may feel that way but they will still be booking flights and it's a shame if we decide not to take advantage of the tickets and still come.

My husband wouldn't agree to us putting the flights on a credit card, which is what we would have to do, because he doesn't trust that my parents would wire the money.

Then you need to make it clear that the offer from ILs to pay half is no longer on the table. If they push ahead with booking tickets against your will, they have to foot the bill 100%

Your husband is right not to trust your parents and put the flights on your family card. Your parents’s behavior has crossed the line from generous but disorganized to really… well.. malevolent.

You put it all on your husband? You said “my husband is upset.” So, it’s all on him?
You’re a team. A family. Why didn’t you said “I am upset, we are annoyed?”

Make sure they know then that if they do book the flights they will be paying 100% for them.

'Mum + Dad,

With flight prices having gone up and the visit less than 1 month away 'Freds' parents are no longer able to contribute towards the cost of the flights. We have therefore made other plans for the summer.

I want to make sure you fully understand, if you book the flights we/ Fred's parents will not be paying half'

I'm with your DH I wouldn't put this on the cc either.

I am amazed at their busyness still! Like l said the other week: if you want something doing then ask a busy person. I would cancel the trip and give it no more head space or discussion. They need to experience the consequences of their actions. It’s unfortunate other people are caught up in but again that’s on them

This!

This👆Your parents sound very controlling!

Are your parents controlling in other ways, OP? cos this is massively controlling behaviour on their part.

Don't let this carry on. Emphasise that you have cancelled your plans, as have the in-laws, and so them booking flights is pointless and will simply cost them money.

There's a type of controlling person who gains significance from having others reliant and waiting on their actions in this way. I'd take this as a clear sign to never put yourselves and the inlaws in that position ever again.

Am I missing something here, but when and for how long are you supposed to be seeing your parents?

From what I gather from your posts, you are going to visit the UK to visit your parents in law, but your parents are paying half? Are you splitting the visit between both sets of parents? or have I misunderstood completely?

Could it be that they don't agree with the itinerary? or they way the planning has been done? They obviously don't want to book these tickets, or don't trust that the parents in law will pay them back.

This was the part in your posts that I found weird:

My in laws don't have as much money as my parents, which is why they arranged to have my parents pay.

Who arranged to 'have your parents pay'? your in laws? It all seems to convoluted, and I still don't understand why you couldn't have worked out the cost and had both sets of parents send you the money? It would have stopped all this awkwardness and assumptions surely, and put you in control of booking.

What I meant was, ask them to wire the money by x day and you'll look after making the booking when you get the money. But if they haven't sent the money by x day, you are not going to go at all.

Don't put it on your CC

Are you scared of your parents op?

This is very odd of them. But you don't seem to be able to articulate yourself to them either.

@Mastmw7g

My husband wouldn't agree to us putting the flights on a credit card, which is what we would have to do, because he doesn't trust that my parents would wire the money.

My feeling is that your husband is right. Especially after your parents' manipulative response to you following up with them to say you're cancelling thus year's visit:

It's been over messaging because they've been too busy to speak with me. I said my husband was upset with the extra cost to my in laws. I didn't say this was causing stress to our family, but I said we would be making other plans for the summer because the dates for the visit is less than a month away and they haven't booked flights. The response I have is that I may feel that way but they will still be booking flights and it's a shame if we decide not to take advantage of the tickets and still come.

Your daughter will learn that plans don't always go the way you want them and that we need to seek alternatives wherever possible in life. 🌹