To feel like I have to pay this off for DD’s sake? How can I do it?

[Hyre]

This situation is making me feel unwell. I have 200k left on a mortgage. I’m 36. If I don’t pay this off by the time DD is at school (ie by the time I’m 40) I feel like she is going to be at such a huge huge disadvantage in life as I am a single parent with cms that as everyone knows is unpredictable. This is causing me a lot of stress. I try and overpay but sacrifice my own eating to do this.

i don’t feel like she will have the same opportunity as a child in a two parent household otherwise. How can I achieve this? I feel constantly stressed

Hi OP
If cms is Congenital Myasthenic Syndrome, all sympathy. I have something similar. My way through this would be to put as many safety nets in place as you can, so:
Do you have illness cover on your mortgage? This would mean you got a lump sum or your mortgage was paid if you became critically ill.
Have you written a will? This is really important for your child's future.
Have you guardians or godparents in place in case you are unwell?
These cost nothing or less than paying a mortgage ff and might give you peace of mind.

if cms is Congenital Myasthenic Syndrome, all sympathy

I think in this context it's Child Maintenance Service.

Nonetheless, all your advice is appropriate.

Didn't pay off my mortgage until I retired. That is pretty normal. I don't feel my son was at all disadvantaged. I don't understand your anxiety.

Have you just had a baby? It may be worth having a chat with someone about your mental health as your anxiety is clearly high. It could be post-natal related. Xxx

Ridiculous. 1% of people pay off their mortgage by 40, fewer still pay off 200k in 2 years.

Hi OP
I am also single parent to two boys.
I have a mortgage that i hope to have paid off by the time I'm 60 (I'm now 50)
I would suggest you look at

1. Save up 6 months expenses in an emergency savings account
2. Life insurance to cover the outstanding balance of your mortgage (you can do a lump sum or reducing balance)
3. Critical illness cover (expensive so might not be an option)
4. Sort out a will

As the only adult you need to put things in place if something were to happen to you. Perhaps with these in place your anxiety would be reduced?

It is tough being sole earner with no partner to support you if you lost your job or became incapacitated but you can resolve these issues with a little planning.

I’m a single parent. It didn’t even dawn on me that I should pay off my mortgage early to even up my kids’ potentials for the future. To be honest there’s probably more single parent renting with higher rent than some mortgages. I know that my ex husband’s rent was also double my mortgage at one point and for the exact same type of house. He wasn’t also able to claim child benefit to help him out though. And he doesn’t get my daughter’s DLA and disabled child element and my carer element of UC. At one point we were 50/50 parenting but he couldn’t maintain that as he needed the extra hours at work to maintain his home and to be able to actually look after the kids when they go to him. He barely sees them now though as he has to work more just to pay his bills.

OP it does sound like you are very anxious. I am a single parent and have a (hefty) mortgage in place over 25 years with a separate, manageable life assurance policy in place to protect DD. At various times I have paid interest only in order to keep everything in order - and so that I was not over-thinking it and over stretching myself. Do you have a friend who is good with financials - an accountant or just somebody who is good at managing household finances? It would probably help to talk it through with somebody. ( Not a mortgage broker. 😳). It is great that you have a home for your children - and well done!

I came from a single parent family that could afford the mortgage, better that than 2 parents that can't.

The pressure is only because you want to pay it off in 4 years!!

You’re massively worrying unnecessarily, who pays off a mortgage by the time they’re 40, £200k in 3-4 years?! I have 2 teens, been a single mum most of their lives, no money from CSA/CMS and still have 6 years left on my mortgage (I’m currently 52), never have I felt my children have been particularly disadvantaged by that. Cut yourself some slack x

My mother was a single parent and didn't pay of her mortgage until we were at University.

We moved from a 3 bed terraced house to a 4 bed detached newish build when I was 13 older sibling 16. She did this so that when she sold she could buy a decent retirement suitable bungalow.

She was a teacher so hardly lots of money and no family support so wasn't an inheritance or anything.

I personally wouldn't worry about paying it off by the time your 40, just enjoy your child and your life with them and get decent life insurance

I think you are putting yourself through unnecessary stress. I too have anxiety so I do understand you feel the need to achieve this but it is unrealistic.

Yes of course if you can afford it, pay off a little more every month, but not at the expense of your health.

If you stop eating properly you will become ill. How will you look after your DD if you are ill and malnourished.

Have a budget but be sensible.

DD will meet lots of children her age from a variety of backgrounds. Some kids will have more opportunities some will have less. It is the way it is. Even though not always fair.

You do the best you can for her but without sacrificing your own basic needs.

You need to look after you so you can look after her.

Maybe contact your GP about your anxieties. I know this is not a quick fix for your anxiety but it is a good place to start to find support for yourself.

I think your mortgage is reasonable for someone your age. I’m not sure what you earn but you are doing v well to keep up payments as a single person.
Please try and find a way to enjoy your child, and stop stressing so much about money. There are so many in a much worse situation. And if / when u meet someone new in the future you won’t be paying the mortgage on your own- good luck with everything.

Hi OP, I hope you're doing OK. Could you not save some money instead of overpaying? They used to suggest having equivalent funds saved based on so many months worth of bills etc covered just in case job was lost. Gives you time to sort out other work.
I am running a house on one income with a few mouths to keep warm and fed. But I do have some perks with my work in the event I went off sick. But thats it really.

I'm 44 single & get no CMS my daughter is in Y2. My plan is to pay if off before I die so I can leave her the house.
A happy mum is far more important xx

40 !!!! Why that’s an unrealistic goal if you are struggling . Why do that to yourself .

Can you add some details so we can understand please? How much are your repayments? How much disposable income do you have each month etc…

I don’t presume you really think you can pay 200K in 4 years otherwise you wouldn’t turn to us…

OP can I suggest a different perspective? I'm 10 years older than you, and I became single before turning 40 with a small child, and a mortgage. For me it was liberating. I'm the master of my own destiny and I don't have to worry about somebody else's financials. My DCs dad was and still is a nightmare with money, and work (no CMS for me). My mortgage payments are roughly 1/3 of what I would pay if I was renting. I don't know how I'd afford to rent now, and in x years I will have paid off the debt and have an asset to hopefully pass down. There are so many people in this country that will never get on the housing ladder. Some people would think you're in a very fortunate position.

77 here and still paying off the mortgage. The 21 year old is working now so that takes off the pressure. Perhaps you should consider the mortgage as a form of savings or investment which it is of course. Good luck

I think you are fixating on entirely the wrong thing. The mortgage is fine. It seems like you can afford it. I don't think overpayments to the extent you aren't eating properly are securing you daughters future at all.
Firstly, you'll end up making yourself ill. A sick mother would be a lot more precarious than a mother with a mortgage to pay.
Secondly, if you a ploughing every last penny into a mortgage then all your money is tied up in the house. So that if for some reason you need some, you don't have anything available. You would be much better setting up a savings account to put any extra in as and when you can. That way you have some back up cash for emergencies. Or for nice things.

The vast majority of people aren’t mortgage free by 40!

I feel for you OP but the problem is not your mortgage, which, as everyone is pointing out, is a large debt which most people barely manage to pay off by the time they retire, if then. The problem is not specifically to do with being a single parent, though obviously that makes you feel you cannot share the burden. You make a lot of assumptions though about how everything is fine for 2 parent families in this respect. Very very often for multiple and varied reasons only one of those might be an earner and so carries the mortgage debt.
The best way to help your daughter is not by starving yourself to pay this eye-watering sum of money every month but by getting help for your crippling anxiety which it seems is making you unable to think rationally about your finances
More important that the £200k you mentioned is kept carefully in a safe savings account earning as much interest as possible, as a buffer, and if necessary overpay on your mortgage a bit when you feel you can if that's what you want to do but not try to achieve the impossible by paying huge amounts to clear your mortgage

My 30s was the toughest time of my life, still with almost 200k mortgage, career still in an early stage I.e average income and no disposable income. This was normal for a vast majority of people.
Moral is OP is no different and luckily have time on your side. Crucially OP needs all the right protection for life, illness and build an emergency fund before overpaying. Creating a buffer will be godsend

Well said, it really annoys me when single people think they are finacally worse off than a couple. Having a partner dosent make you richer, single people are entilted to extra benefits that couples are not. I know a single mum, that earns more money than a couples wages put together, you also get couples where 1 parent stays at home and dosent earn. You arent at a disadvantage because you are single.

When did you get the mortgage? I’m assuming you got it as a sole applicant and the bank has done all its checks and you gave a retirement age. The bank use your retirement age to stretch out the loan until you stop working, therefore they don’t except you to pay it off before then. They are happy that you are on top to clear it though and that’s all you need.
It is possible with overpayment and by moving house/making profit to clearbit before but you don’t NEED to do that. You are coping just fine, eat for goodness sake!