To feel like I have to pay this off for DD’s sake? How can I do it?

[Hyre]

This situation is making me feel unwell. I have 200k left on a mortgage. I’m 36. If I don’t pay this off by the time DD is at school (ie by the time I’m 40) I feel like she is going to be at such a huge huge disadvantage in life as I am a single parent with cms that as everyone knows is unpredictable. This is causing me a lot of stress. I try and overpay but sacrifice my own eating to do this.

i don’t feel like she will have the same opportunity as a child in a two parent household otherwise. How can I achieve this? I feel constantly stressed

Ok. My DM was kind of in the same position as you. Was about to lose her home but council paid interest on her mortgage.

She retrained to be a teacher, basically any stready job with a monthly salary would do as long as it’s secure so maybe civil service, NHS etc.

She had a big house so rented out rooms upstairs. She also met my stepdad who paid housekeeping when they got together but she paid the mortgage.

She did this for at least 10 years maybe 12 years and any extra money she got she overpaid on her mortgage so she paid it off when she was approx 45-46 maybe earlier.

It’s not easy and she did make a lot of sacrifices but paying her mortgage early was one reason she wanted to be free financially.

There is no way you should sacrifice your own eating just to pay a mortgage! If you want to eat cheaper food like vegetarian food or plain pasta with sauces which aren’t lavish ingredients that’s ok but otherwise as others say you’ll make yourself sick from not eating properly.

I’m confused about what the issue is? I’m in a 2 parent, 2 child household, we are both mid thirties and we are renting. I don’t feel like my children are at a disadvantage, we are more likely to look to get a mortgage once they are in school and childcare costs are less

Chill your beans @Hyre

My mortgage is 300k, I'm 58yo widow and have 2 kids with disabilities.

I did reduce it down to 143k but it's back up so I can help my youngest get his first property. I will then downsize and leave my next property to my eldest in my will. See if I can do it at my age with a bigger mortgage, you can take your time and be more steady Eddie about it. You have bags of time.

And eat, you are only hurting yourself, and god forbid anything happen to you.

Sending a hug x

I think either you are a very high earner who is unnecessarily putting pressure on yourself or you have lost the plot! Very few ppl can pay £200K towards their mortgage in 4 years. We have around £300K of our mortgage left to pay, we have two incomes which totalling is just shy of £190K a year but I think realistically we will pay it in 15years or maybe slightly lesser. We also have 2 DC.
We are in our early 40’s. Just do what you can, we have insurance to cover the payment in case either of us dies, the mortgage gets paid off in full.

@Hyre how much would you be paying in rent for a home like yours as against a mortgage payment?

But most 2 parent families don’t have a stay at home parent? We’re a 2 parent family both full time borrowing the most they could, as are most people we know, there is no flex.

I think OP’s point is that she feels like she HAS to pay off the mortgage to give her child security not that she is actually in a position to do so. OP - I hope your chat with the GP goes well, as others have said your anxiety while understandable isn’t normal.

Have to agree with this tbh. It's actually not much comfort when both are working. I think an awful lot of people are up to their eyes in debt and suffering for it.

You are a single parent who has got their act together and is buying a house.

You are an amazing role model for your daughter, hold onto that thought.

Think of all the values you are teaching her,like the importance of independence, the values of ambition, resilience and determination, how to multitask, how to prioritise needs and wants.

She is lucky to have you, don’t be so hard on yourself, and remember what they say on planes,you need to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help others, so take care of yourself.

Paid by 40 is a bit much. Too much pressure for one person. We hope, and I say hope, to pay off our mortgage when I am 46. However we both work full time and I have been in my professional decent paid job since I was 21

I know a 52 year old lady who is on £700k per annum and rents two properties, claims she can’t afford to buy (!?!?), kids in private school, 6+ ultra luxury holidays per year, wardrobes bursting with new clothes, bought a £100k car last year which has now depreciated by at least 40%. No savings to fall back on if she loses her job. She sleeps well at night somehow. You’d be fine if you had to downsize!

What on earth are you talking about? If you don't clear a £200k mortgage in 4 years your DD will have a shitty life? Seriously, what on earth are you talking about?!?!

Do you know how many single parents there are out there? Probably a lot more than there are people who pay off their mortgage before 40.

It’s a good idea to pay it off early but you need to be realistic. Watch Dave Ramsey on YouTube, get his book from the library and do it the right way. Good luck!

Haven’t read the full thread. But please do not put this pressure on yourself. I’m London based and know I’d never pay off my mortgage before I turn 60 (30 years time) and I’m not alone. In fact, my parents are both 63, have well paying jobs, gave my siblings and I a great upbringing and have £ left on their mortgage. Granted they bought their home at right time / right place so if they downsized tomorrow they’d be fine. But them having a mortgage when we were children definitely didn’t do us any harm! Please do not worry!!!

It’s highly likely would be better off putting money in savings than to your mortgage. Focus on saving income instead.

I work in mortgages and regardless how much you overpay, if you lost your job and couldn’t pay your mortgage they’d still take your house eventually.

Save up the equivalent of 6 months expenses to give yourself some breathing space mentally. Then up that to a year and so on. You could then have enough if you lost your job to live on while you find another. Right now you’re putting equity into your house that’s useless for what you’re worried about.

Goodness, I’ll be glad if I have a mortgage by 40, let alone pay it off. Don’t panic.

Very sensible advice @Aprilrosesews, thank you!

I am a true believer that life is what you make it, your a single mum, so you have 2
option’s worry about being a single mum and having a mortgage and have the absolute ridiculous idea you need to pay it off for your daughter starting school or
be proud that as a single mum you obviously have worked hard and been sensible financially
to buy and maintain a house. There are plenty of two parent families out there who will be struggling more than you, have bigger debts and mortgages than you, a 2 parent family isn’t the happy ever after the story books tell you, I have been a single Mum all my sons life and I honestly would not change it for the world,
be proud of what you have achieved. I do feel you will benefit from speaking to someone though sometimes unrealistic fixations like this indicate deeper mental health issues

In the kindest possible way, do you fully understand how mortgages work?
We have two on two properties and I'm pleased that the first will be paid off when I'm 57!

Hi OP.

You are doing well.

I saw something on SM that helped me priortise my spending. Do it this order.

1. Save 5K as an emergency funds
2. Pay off all debts other than the mortage i.e. credit cards, loans etc.
3. Then Save enough for 6 months of expenses in case you are out of work.
4. Create a manageable budget including holiday funds and investments.
5. THEN down pay your mortgage.

So if you don’t earn enough to clear a £200k mortgage anyway- in four years -It’s a pointless thing to have even contemplated ?

Just be glad you have a mortgage- if it’s a repayment it will decrease in time and seem like nothing in a few years compared to renting.

I too remember worrying about paying mine off, but unlike rents, mortgages diminish in time - don’t worry, @Hyre
Having a house that’s yours eventually is infinitely better than renting.
👍👍👍

@Hyre I know a woman who never wanted “To be saddled /trapped” by a mortgage-when younger.
She is in her Seventies now , and bitterly regrets not having bought a house when she could have done.

She has a garden flat in Clifton, Bristol and the rent keeps going up and up as it’s such a desirable location-(Georgian building)

She could have bought that flat for £30 k ( Thirty thousand) in 1980 but chose to rent instead.

She’s paying well over £1000 a month now in rent- and has nothing to leave when she eventually passes away.

You are giving your daughter security by buying a house.

Do you really think a SAHP could easily get a job if their partner lost their's? If so why wouldn't you be able to easily get a job if you lost your current one?
I still don't understand why you've put yourself under pressure to pay now (or in 4 years). She won't be disadvantaged by you having a mortgage. She'll be in the same boat as all the other children (and some of them will be 1 parent families).

How on earth will your DD be disadvantaged by you paying a mortgage while she is at school? I have a friend who is raising two children by herself and only got her mortgage a couple of years ago, and is 40 already. Her children are fine. Most people take out mortgages over a period of decades. Please calm down and be realisitic.

this is such good advice, I hope the OP spots it
@Hyre
hope you can make a solid plan soon