To feel like I have to pay this off for DD’s sake? How can I do it?

[Hyre]

This situation is making me feel unwell. I have 200k left on a mortgage. I’m 36. If I don’t pay this off by the time DD is at school (ie by the time I’m 40) I feel like she is going to be at such a huge huge disadvantage in life as I am a single parent with cms that as everyone knows is unpredictable. This is causing me a lot of stress. I try and overpay but sacrifice my own eating to do this.

i don’t feel like she will have the same opportunity as a child in a two parent household otherwise. How can I achieve this? I feel constantly stressed

I'm glad you are going to get some help with yout anxiety because this artificial mortgage deadline is not sensible. I bet if you were given £200k tomorrow and paid off your mortgage you would be equally stressed about something else. If you had a partner you would probably take on a bigger mortgage and worry about both of you losing your jobs. You're doing a great job with your DC.

Your daughter is already at an advantage to many of her peers in that you have your own home to start with!

My mum was single mum to 3 kids. Never had a single penny from dad or any financial or physical support from any family or friends. She could only work part time due to needing to be home for us, we went to work with her during the holidays (cleaning jobs, catalogue delivery jobs).
Never owned a home. Lived in 1 bed council flat for years before finally getting a 2 bed house through council.

Did we suffer at school? No.

Hey. I’m a widowed single mum of two. And yes my mortgage was cleared by insurance BUT it really hasn’t made that much difference to how secure I feel. Childcare eats almost all of my money still and I run around and feel the lack of their dad and it harder to do somethings as a single parent. I suspect we both just need to let it go and make the best life we can for our children, not keep looking at a fantasy of a two income household

There's a reason why a standard mortgage term is 25 or even 30 years not 5 or 10. It's because 25/30 years is a realistic amount of time to pay off a large debt. Even high earning couples don't opt for shorter terms.

Your daughter will not suffer in life because you have a normal mortgage. She will suffer if you become ill through stress and malnutrition.

4 kids here and we rent.... unlikely to ever have a mortgage. Just pay the normal payment and eat! Why are you making things difficult for yourself?

I’m 47 and haven’t even started my mortgage yet as I’ve been stuck renting in the South East and can’t move for 2 more years when youngest goes to Uni. I am a single parent. It is what it is, you have nothing to be concerned about

you need some proportionality about this

yes okay you might be slightly more at risk than a 2 adult household, both of whom are both working with a mortgage.
But that will only be a proportion of her classmates.
There will also be 2 adult households where only 1 person is working
2 and 1 adult household where nobody is working
households without mortgages who are privately renting and therefore could be at higher risk of disruption dependent on landlord selling house/raising rent
Even those 2 adult households might have other children, children with disabilities that require significant additional costs, could both be working but be very low paid, could have a significant amount of non-mortgaged debt etc.

The point is that there will almost definitely be some children in her class whose parents are in a better overall financial position than you, but also definitely some who are in a worse position.

By all means do what you can to make things as secure for yourself and your own peace of mind as you can, but not because youre comparing yourself against others.

I am a single parent and have been for 20 years now
I am hoping to be able to pay my mortgage off this year, a few days after my son's 26th birthday.
You need to have realistic expectations - yes, money will be tighter for you (as it was for me) without two incomes, but stressing about paying £200k over 4 years could literally break you and won't be good for your little girl either.
I don't know anyone who was mortgage free while their children were still at school.

If you're regularly overpaying you're in a much better position financially than some two income houses, ours included. We can barely afford to pay the bills let alone do the work we drastically need to do to our house. But rather than dwell and cry about the literally crumbling plaster or gutters falling off we do what we can.

What's your salary and how much are you paying. Sorry but I've solo paid for years my ex wouldn't give me much. I've bought ex out as well now on 38k with 2 kids mortgage 135k house value 170k it can be done don't stress

Im paying mine until 70 so I should try not to worry

Those saying it’s the same as one earner in a two parent household… it’s not?! The point is there’s no flexibility or back up. If a stay at home parent had to find a job because the other parent had hours cut etc then they could. I don’t have any back up at all.

This is not a normal or mature way of thinking, OP. I think you need to speak to your GP about your anxiety.

I don’t have any back up at all
No, but if you can pay off 50k a year on a mortgage you must be earning at least 100k, or probably more like 150k.
Considering most families don't earn that I don't feel in the least bit sorry for you.
If I'm wrong, tell us what your income is.

You’ve got a bee in your bonnet about the single parent thing. There are tens of thousands of households with only one parent. Many of them don’t have the security that you have of owning their own (mortgaged) home, many others do and manage just fine. Get some insurance that will cover your mortgage payments in the event of not being able to work and put your mind at rest.

Neither do I, I am also a lone parent. It's not normal to stress about it to the extent you are though. There are millions of us lone parents out there, you're not the only one.

What’s your take home income?
is this likely to increase as you move up the career ladder?
what’s your monthly mortgage payment now? (What term did you borrow the £200k on and what interest rate- how long is the interest rate fixed for)
any other essential outgoings? Childcare? Will that go down when DD starts school
school fees?
travel costs?

Same here.. @Hyre You must be a phenomenal earner to even contemplate being able to pay off a £200k mortgage in four years.

With such a good wage, why on earth are you remotely bothered about being a single parent?!

£100 k plus a year is a superb income by anyone's standards, especially for someone comparatively young as you are.

There are many , many single parents who have been divorced who get naff all from their ex husbands, who earn far less, yet manage and keep the mortgage going.

Realise how fortunate you are to be a top earner- and count your very large blessings!

@Eistigi no I don’t earn anything near that!

Talk to a decent insurance person too. My husbands income protection is very comprehensive although we pay for that it's worth it for peace of mind.

If there is no way for you to pay 200k off in 4 years out of your income then what can anyone way? You simply can't do it. What you could consider doing is selling the house and down sizing to, a nice apartment for example. There would be compromises to be made but there are plenty of well proportioned flats with good communual gardens and you could either be mortgage free or have a drastically reduced mortgage (making assumptions about equity here). Otherwise you'll have to shit in one and hand and wish your lottery numbers come up in the other!

This. There is no need for you to pay off your mortgage in that time frame. You costly have decent earning potential so even if you lost your job for any work related reason you could get another. That leaves medical issues. Sort high quality insurance cover and, honestly, take a breath - this isn't something toy need to worry this much about

The usual advice is to spend 1/3 of income on rent/mortgage (I appreciate this isn't always possible these days). Even spending 50% of your income on your mortgage would be huge.
If you don't earn "anything near that" how on earth are you going to pay Off 50k a year?

You still have to pay bills and eat.
And if your daughter is so young, presumably a baby if 4 years away from school, you must have childcare costs too.

Very gently I would say to you that this must be an anxiety disorder as you are not really making sense. Even if other children have two parents, both may not be working or they may have debt or not even bought a house and living in rented. You have provided a home for your daughter and presumably are paying the mortgage and bills. Very few people pay off their mortgage by 40. Just focus on getting your finances rock solid by avoiding unsecured debt, saving for emergencies and making sure you stay healthy for your DD by eating properly.

Most 36 year olds now would be happy to be starting a mortgage never mind paying it off! As long as you can afford your repayments and will be able to repay it before you retire you literally have nothing to worry about.