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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I have to pay this off for DD’s sake? How can I do it?

332 replies

Hyre · 21/05/2024 08:18

This situation is making me feel unwell. I have 200k left on a mortgage. I’m 36. If I don’t pay this off by the time DD is at school (ie by the time I’m 40) I feel like she is going to be at such a huge huge disadvantage in life as I am a single parent with cms that as everyone knows is unpredictable. This is causing me a lot of stress. I try and overpay but sacrifice my own eating to do this.

i don’t feel like she will have the same opportunity as a child in a two parent household otherwise. How can I achieve this? I feel constantly stressed

OP posts:
Chrissmasjammies · 21/05/2024 08:20

Please don’t put this pressure on yourself. Over pay if you can but there’s no need to set that specific deadline. I hope to have mine paid by the year my child hopefully starts college.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 21/05/2024 08:21

If you can afford to pay 50k a year, surely you can afford to keep a bit back for food?

Or just pay your normal monthly payments, leaving more than enough to spend on your DC?

MaryBethMayfair · 21/05/2024 08:21

As gently as possible, you're being absurd. You don't need to pay off your mortgage by 40 for your daughter to have a nice life. Being mortgage free doesn't stop you from ever being stressed or having financial pressures.

Do you work? It sounds like you are struggling to make ends meet so I'd suggest you check if you are due any benefits top-ups or whether you could increase your working hours/improve your position at work.

Newmumatlast · 21/05/2024 08:21

Most 2 parent households wouldn't have paid a house off by then so I don't understand

LakesideInn · 21/05/2024 08:22

Don’t put your own health at risk. That won’t help your child. Most 2 parent families won’t have paid off their mortgages by the time their child leaves school let alone starts!

Neolara · 21/05/2024 08:22

Literally nobody pays off a 200k mortgage in4 years. The entire point of a mortgage is to spread the payments over a very long period of time so that it is manageable. Most home owning 40 year olds will have mortgages. In the kindest possible way, you're being completely ridiculous.

modgepodge · 21/05/2024 08:22

why would your daughter be disadvantaged by you having a mortgage when she starts school? I’d imagine the majority of children starting school have parents who owe money for a mortgage or have to pay rent. Hardly anyone this age is mortgage free surely? I don’t know anyone who is (other than my parents and PIL) and I’m 37.

by all means overpay now if you can afford it as it reduces overall payments but don’t sacrifice eating to do so!!

flyinghen · 21/05/2024 08:22

This is basically impossible, I also don't see why it's necessary? But I don't know your full circumstances. Please be kind to yourself! To reduce your stress would it be possible to downsize your property to get a smaller mortgage?

TwattyMcFuckFace · 21/05/2024 08:23

MaryBethMayfair · 21/05/2024 08:21

As gently as possible, you're being absurd. You don't need to pay off your mortgage by 40 for your daughter to have a nice life. Being mortgage free doesn't stop you from ever being stressed or having financial pressures.

Do you work? It sounds like you are struggling to make ends meet so I'd suggest you check if you are due any benefits top-ups or whether you could increase your working hours/improve your position at work.

Do you work? It sounds like you are struggling to make ends meet so I'd suggest you check if you are due any benefits top-ups or whether you could increase your working hours/improve your position at work.

If she can overpay here mortgage to that extent, how would she be eligible for benefits?

Hellogoodbyehello4321 · 21/05/2024 08:23

Most ppl don't have their mortgage paid off by 40. Try not to worry about the amount of overall and just concentrate on making the monthly payments and slowly and surely you'll chip away at it. Overpay if you can, but not to the point you are going without food.

BeanThereDoneIt · 21/05/2024 08:23

Why have you set yourself this deadline? And what disadvantages do you envisage?

I’m not a single parent but over a third of our joint income goes on the mortgage and it’s not due to be paid off until we retire - that’s the reality for the majority of home owners at the moment so your goals and extreme anxiety seem at odds with home owning reality. Is there more to this?

Pigeonqueen · 21/05/2024 08:24

What on earth 😳😳😳 There are not many people that will have paid off a mortgage by 40. You are massively overthinking. You need to work out a reasonable budget that gives you some quality of life and just stick to it.

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 21/05/2024 08:24

Why would having a mortgage negatively impact your child?

Break it down for us and you, what will she be missing out on? How will it impact her life? What would happen if you still had a mortgage at 45 or 50 that wouldn't happen if you didn't have a mortgage?

user1471538283 · 21/05/2024 08:24

Having a mortgage as a single parent is hugely stressful but sometimes you have to have one. I've had a mortgage since I was your age and I've still got one.

You can only pay what you can pay. Trying to push to overpay to the extent you are not eating will make you absolutely no good to your DD and it will rob any joy from your lives. If you've got any spare money then overpay as even a little bit adds up. But if you haven't got any spare then don't.

Your DD will make friends with others that have more than her, maybe less, maybe the same. It's a fact of life. It doesn't mean that her value is less. As she grows up there will be school trips and expensive things but by then you'll be 10 years down the road.

I do understand your stress as I went through it. But please don't. It will ruin your physical and mental health.

NoSquirrels · 21/05/2024 08:24

You must not overpay your mortgage if it means you’re scrimping on other things like food. That’s putting your DD at a far bigger disadvantage because if you’re a single parent then your health and wellbeing is more important to your DD than almost anything else.

Why do you think your DD is at a disadvantage to have a single parent with a mortgage? There will be lots and lots like her at school, and some better off and some worse off.

Your DD is going to have a happier life if you just pay the normal amount due on the mortgage and use the money you’d overpay to build up a bit of savings, and also spend on the everyday things that make life happy.

Mortgage is not ‘bad’ debt like loans and credit cards and finance deals. If you’re not in any other debt, then you can relax a bit. An emergency fund of savings and good insurance cover is much more important.

Amx · 21/05/2024 08:25

Huh? I don't understand your thinking. Can you explain further? Disadvantage of what?

Hankunamatata · 21/05/2024 08:25

Your only 36. You have until retirement to pay off your mortgage. Why are you stressing?

TwattyMcFuckFace · 21/05/2024 08:26

Amx · 21/05/2024 08:25

Huh? I don't understand your thinking. Can you explain further? Disadvantage of what?

I don't understand either.

This important info should've been in the opening post.

midgetastic · 21/05/2024 08:26

How exactly will she be disadvantaged? It's completely unclear why?

And as others have said - you are not on minimum wage of you can pay that off on a few years - you have more than the average family with 2 parents

Eggmoobean · 21/05/2024 08:26

Sorry Op, your outlook is odd here. Everyone I know has a mortgage and kids - and they all have nice lives (mostly) . It’s really just another bill, pay it monthly and forget about it. Your dd will not be at a disadvantage because her parent has a mortgage. What an odd frame of mind to think she would.

AuroraAnimal · 21/05/2024 08:27

That's a very odd way of thinking op.

Are you also saving up to have 15 years worth of Council Tax saved up, to see you through the school years? Gas and Electric? Water?

Bills are bills. Totally normal and a non-issue to still be paying a mortgage in your 40's. You don't see it on MN too often where you're tripping over £150k salaries but 40 is a common age nowadays to buy a first house, never mind paying it off!

LameyJoliver · 21/05/2024 08:28

We are in our 60's with nearly all the kids left home and have a fair amount left to pay!! They really don't care! Its not about what you have it's about what you offer them. Seriously, it's not the end of the world to not own property outright - quite a privileged worry if I dare say so.

Trickabrick · 21/05/2024 08:29

Neolara · 21/05/2024 08:22

Literally nobody pays off a 200k mortgage in4 years. The entire point of a mortgage is to spread the payments over a very long period of time so that it is manageable. Most home owning 40 year olds will have mortgages. In the kindest possible way, you're being completely ridiculous.

Totally this, why exactly do you feel you need you need to be mortgage free when she starts school?

aplthtoa · 21/05/2024 08:30

You can't be serious?

Ragruggers · 21/05/2024 08:31

What is cam you say you have ?