To feel like I have to pay this off for DD’s sake? How can I do it?

[Hyre]

This situation is making me feel unwell. I have 200k left on a mortgage. I’m 36. If I don’t pay this off by the time DD is at school (ie by the time I’m 40) I feel like she is going to be at such a huge huge disadvantage in life as I am a single parent with cms that as everyone knows is unpredictable. This is causing me a lot of stress. I try and overpay but sacrifice my own eating to do this.

i don’t feel like she will have the same opportunity as a child in a two parent household otherwise. How can I achieve this? I feel constantly stressed

My husband has income protection for the entirety of our mortgage, if not longer. So you are wrong in that you can only get cover for a couple of years. I honestly think you need to sit down with a financial adviser.

OP, your question is delusional, so I really think you should make an appointment with your GP to check your mental health status (I'm not being flippant here - this is a very bizarre question)

Mortgages are designed to be paid over 25 years.
if you took out your mortgage at 22, you'd expect it to be paid when you're 47.
I wouldn't expect any earlier than that.

It makes no difference if you're 1 or 2 incomes. It doesn't make your situation more precarious or difficult.

The thing is, if we're to take the OP at her word (and there's no reason not to), she's already overpaying and apart from sacrificing some of her own food, her and her DD are obviously managing to live.

So OP, why not buy a bit of extra food for yourself and overpay for another year or so?

Set the goal for Junior school instead of Reception?

Of course there's no need to do any of this but if it's what you want to do, then go for it.

Most kids grow up in houses that are mortgaged or rented and very few children or adults have complete financial security. It’s called life, deal with it.

I honestly think you need medical input.

This is an extreme belief and your posts sound quite odd.

I'm fucked then I'm in my mid 30s and still renting with no deposit to even get on the property ladder.

Even with two people paying the mortgage it doesn't mean one wage can cover it. People get ill/ die and circumstances change ,no one knows what's doing the corner. You are doing well, concentrate on that and enjoy life with your child. If they go to uni they'll be in a fantastic position to get a full grant too ! 😉

I agree that this is a bizarre post !

Most singles, couples or multiple people pay off their mortgage after 25, 30, 35 years

Some people pay off their mortgage earlier

Do you have these in place ?

Emergency savings (6 months to a year's salary)

Life insurance

Pay into a private pension via your employer to make use of tax free advantages

Illness or loss of job insurance

A will

Suggest speak to a financial advisor

I’ve been a single parent for 14 years. I’ve had a 200k+ mortgage that whole time and only pay interest on the majority of it. It’s still cheaper than renting.

My DCs have all gone on to be very successful gaining excellent exam grade, the two oldest in £50k jobs by their early 20s, and the youngest on track to do well too. I haven’t let anyone down, I’ve been on tax credits/UC the whole time working my ass off to make enough money while still being here for them all by working at home when possible and creating a good balance between work and home.

I’m pretty proud of myself tbh, and in a couple of years I can sell the house and downsize, make my life simpler and focus on me. But at no time in the last 14 years did I feel like I had to sacrifice basics for myself such as food or clothes to ensure they had a good life.

But it's not always the case that a 2 parent family has 2 incomes

Childcare costs may make it impossible
Special care requirements
Work life balance for the family

2 income isn't standard

You are worrying too much - abnormally

@Hyre You seem to be getting a bit of a hounding in here.

Might I suggest a one off appointment with an independent financial advisor? She will have seen it all before and be able to give you some perspective. I get the feeling your mind is flailing around a bit not knowing what is normal and what isn’t, what is a cause for concern and what isn’t. And, while there are no crystal balls, a little clarity of your pathway might be good here.

Independent recognition of your situation may well be of a comfort for you and I think that’s what you are really after right now. There is no harm in wanting a little comfort now and again.

You can pay off the mortgage over the next 20 years! No one needs to be mortgage free by the time they are 40!?!?

You’re being a bit hysterical.

You will probably be able to work and for the next 30 years anyways. Unless you die or fall ill.

Have a contingency plan such as a godparent or guardian in case you die prematurely.

Otherwise you should be fine.

Get a new partner if you want a 2 person household. It’s no big deal.

You've posted about this before haven't you? (Several times)

I don't understand. If you didn't have a mortgage right now you'd be paying rent, which would probably be a lot more than you're paying now and with no end date. I wouldn't be over paying at the moment. The whole point of a mortgage is that it takes years to pay off. When your childcare costs stop then have a look at repaying a little extra each month if you like, but remember most people don't do this.

I'm worried that you'll get into a new relationship too fast in order to have an extra salary in your home. Don't forget, that house is yours - don't let anyone else think they're entitled to it.

Oh God really?

I'd still like to know how long OP has been overpaying and why she can't just add a year or so onto her overpayment plan, to buy a bit of extra food.

I thought it was familiar. There was another thread where the OP thought they should downsize if I remember correctly.

My kids grew up in a single parent household where money was tight-they’re now in their mid twenties. They both have very good degrees, have good jobs and more importantly, lead a full life with friends and lovely partners. They both have rich friends so know how the other half live but they’re happy living their lives. In some ways, learning to deal with disappointments and setbacks is character building rather than having a path smoothed over for kids. Please look on the good side-your dd has a loving mother who is prepared to make sacrifices for her and has a stable home.She’s already won the lottery.

What you are thinking is quite disordered. I know nobody with no mortgage at 40.
Are you depressed or suffering from anxiety, I was worried to see that you're not eating enough to maintain overpayments.
I'm aiming to have the mortgage paid off when I'm 60, I hope (but it may not happen) to retire at this point. Having a mortgage is normal.

Do you have cash savings as an emergency fund? (Car breakdown, boiler issue, job loss etc etc)
That's far more important than overpaying your mortgage.
It is seriously insane to be not eating to pay extra to your mortgage... which is what is making me concerned you might not have an emergency fund set up.
Your mortgage is a relatively safe debt as worst case scenario you can switch to interest only to reduce your payments whilst still keeping a roof over your and your daughters head. Can also sell and downsize if really necessary.
You are not letting your child down by only having a single income. Many families on 2 incomes are probably less stable than you!
My parents barely kept a roof over our heads as kids and there was 2 of them. It was scary for us and looking back they didn't always make the best financial decisions either.
You also don't owe your child an inheritance, even if other people are benefiting from it from their parents. Not everybody has that luxury.
My husband and I aren't anticipating any inheritance from either set of our parents and at we don't anticipate having anything significant to leave our children either.

You are severely anxious and are caught in a loop of catastrophising.

There is absolutely nothing wrong or overly precarious about having a mortgage as long as you are sensible. Pay it off sensibly.

Try to access some help for your anxiety, because you skipping eating and constantly feeling on the brink of a crisis of your own making is much more likely to cause real problems for your child. She needs you to be present for her now, in the present. Not consumed by anxiety and fear.

Said with the utmost kindness/concern from someone who has to keep a very tight hold on my mind, otherwise I tend toward extreme anxiety as well.

It gets easier to keep it under control the more you learn to take your thoughts in hand.

Utter batshittery. Yep starve to death to remove a debt that most people take most of their lives to pay.

This feels unhinged.

Sorry but this is ridiculous. Do you know how many single parents (or two parent families) don’t even own a house and have no prospects of buying one? Why would you become unable to work? I know it can happen but it’s fairly unlikely to. Also if you think you can pay 200k in 4 years you probably earn a lot more than many joint earner household. Give your head a shake.

This is a really bizarre outlook op. There are two of us and the mortgage term takes us to 63. Hopefully we'll overpay it but not until the kids are through uni.

You are not going to raise 50k a year by not eating.

Very rare for mortgage to be paid off by time child is 5

Don't panic

To be anywhere near the point where you could pay off a 200k mortgage in 4 years (albeit by not eating properly) you must be in a fantastic financial position.
You don't need to have paid off the mortgage, you'd be better off not scrimping on food and other essentials, and saving a massive chunk of money instead.
Stick those savings into a high interest account, or ISA and then you'll have a large pot of money to fall back on if you need to as well as some regular income in interest.