AIBU to think no one warns you life with teens is tiring

[Blendiful]

Lighthearted but..

You know when your kids are younger people warn you how tired you will be, but no one prepares you for being equally as shattered when they are teens!

In a perfect world I need to get up at about 6am to be able to go to the gym (something I enjoy for me), walk the dog, eat a decent breakfast.
Working full time now the kids are older. Throw into this endless tasks for school, washing, food shopping for the bottomless pits, trying to provide a decent diet 75% of the time. Ferrying to friends/work/college/partners houses/social events some of the time when they can't get themselves there or I'm feeling generous or transport/timings won't work x2 for the amount of teens.

Messages about things forgotten/asking for help/advice about various things. Trying to spend some time together, chasing up homework/course work etc.

Then ideally I need to be in bed by 9pm to get a decent nights sleep, but I have to partake in a fight for the bathroom (we only have 1!) and the teens don't go to bed until later than this! Add in toilet trips/sneaking downstairs, nighttime wandering from the eldest and it can often be 12 before I can drift off.

I am tired! I thought I would be in the stage of doing less and enjoying more now, but it doesnt seem on the horizon.

As I said, lighthearted. I love them and realise some of it I could just leave them to it, but they are both ND and so need that bit of extra support or things just don't get done/get missed or get worse.

Anyone else with teens in this stage and waiting for a good rest

My 18 year old niece came to stay with us and she was absolutely adorable. Obviously she's my niece so she was on her best behaviour but I was amazed at how lovely they are at that age - independent and curious and lovely to chat to.

One thing about the Netherlands is the excellent cycling tracks they have (completely separate tracks, not a line of paint on a road used by cars) all over much of the countryside. Obviously, they can’t be used for every journey, as some journeys are just way too far. But it gives preteens and teens with electric bikes the ability to do at least some of their journeys alone, which means a lot more independence for them and easier lives for their parents.

Cycling along most rural roads in the UK is really a non-starter - they are so dangerous with cars whizzing around every bend at high speeds.

Amsterdam and city centres in the Netherlands are absolute death traps for cyclists and many pedestrians. It’s utter chaos and extremely dangerous.

The country cycling is possible - along the coast line especially but it’s extremely far and we always struggled to get back. Seriously the reality of so much of this stuff - it’s always raining in the Netherlands ( more than here in fact!) and it’s a miserable experience in the freezing winters..It’s really not how it seems. We lived there for years and did not enjoy it with teens!!

https://www.worlddata.info/climate-comparison.php?r1=netherlands&r2=united-kingdom#google_vignette

Are you sure? This and other sources suggest that the Netherlands has (somewhat) higher than average temps than the UK, more sunshine, and fewer rainy days. Perhaps you were in the rainiest bit?

I have no particular opinions on the NL in general for raising teenagers, by the way, just not sure that it's true that the NL is rainier than the UK.

It was our experience! It did not stop raining. It’s boring for teens once you have visited the galleries and Anne Frank’s house and the odd bit of shopping.

There are no outside pools, or places of interest outside in the summer. And everywhere reeks of weed. The tulip park was pretty but teens are generally not especially interested in windmills and tulips. It is very, very druggy. I would rather walk on glass than move back there.

Sorry but the cities in the Netherlands are smelly, exploiting sex workers,full of drugs and grime. It’s actually the last place you would want to raise pre teens and teens. We couldn’t wait to come home!

That's interesting where do you live now ?

U.K. and it’s actually much safer

I'm glad to see this thread is still going and full of people supporting eachother with the drama of teens!

I am still here, still tired 😴

Teens are still coming hunting for food and being equally lovely and frustrating 😆

We also don't exactly live rurally, but we live over one side of the city a good 45 min bus ride away from the city centre. This means if they want to go to somewhere the opposite side it can take 1.5-2 hours on public transport. Busses aren't always available at decent times from all areas, and not all areas are safe for them to go wandering around in either. So yes I often choose to take them, but see it often as necessary to make sure they are safe!

I am in this position too. It's heartbreaking.

Trying to learn the entire physics curriculum when you've not studied it yourself past 13..40+ bloody years ago...

I feel your pain, @BlackeyedSusan . DD (19) is doing a STEM degree and took Physics all the way through school. I stopped at 14 when I chose Chemistry for GCSE. Not to mention the Maths, I got an B at GCSE and that was the end of it for me. 🤣

I don't think either of my kids EVER walked in on me in the loo/shower

Mine tried it as toddlers but after the age of about 3 I soon sent them out.

Mine constantly does and then the cat joins in too.

9 hours sleep a night, not sure how you can be knackered?

Skip the gym and breakfast, get rid of the dog and you'll have loads of time to relax! 😂

The eldest is learning to drive so hoping the taxi service will reverse shortly!

Do people not lock toilet doors?

Teenage girls here. This is hands down the toughest time of my parenting journey. Maybe not as physically full-on as when they were little, but I am mentally drained. I love them more than life, but the end of their high schooling years (a ballache from start to finish, compared to primary) can't come soon enough. And I fantasise about one day living on my own!

I wonder how much of the 'life with teens' being tiring is down to being a mother at a certain time of life. I had my children relatively young (mid-twenties), so they were up and off to uni before I hit peri.

My best friend on the other hand, had hers ten years+ later - she still has a teenager at school, and she has been through menopause and is out the other side. For her, peri/menopause was really difficult.

Interesting point to consider as I have a teen and do not find it tiring in the slightest, but I was a young mum and I'm only 34 now.

I have a 10 month old teething baby who is still room sharing as she wakes up every time her dummy falls out. I've been day dreaming of the uninterrupted sleep I will get as she gets older but I guess I should be preparing for another form of mental exhaustion for the next few years
Insightful post!

Yes having teenage daughters is a risk factor for divorce. https://lifecoursecentre.org.au/working-papers/teenage-daughters-as-a-cause-of-divorce/#:~:text=It%20is%20only%20when%20the,parents%20of%20first%2Dborn%20boys

Hitting peri definitely makes it worse. You are struggling yourself mentally and physically so in the worst place to deal with challenging teens. No one seems to tell you this!

Buy earplugs? You're going to bed at 9 but not sleeping until 12, that's an extra 3 hours sleep right there