AIBU to think no one warns you life with teens is tiring

[Blendiful]

Lighthearted but..

You know when your kids are younger people warn you how tired you will be, but no one prepares you for being equally as shattered when they are teens!

In a perfect world I need to get up at about 6am to be able to go to the gym (something I enjoy for me), walk the dog, eat a decent breakfast.
Working full time now the kids are older. Throw into this endless tasks for school, washing, food shopping for the bottomless pits, trying to provide a decent diet 75% of the time. Ferrying to friends/work/college/partners houses/social events some of the time when they can't get themselves there or I'm feeling generous or transport/timings won't work x2 for the amount of teens.

Messages about things forgotten/asking for help/advice about various things. Trying to spend some time together, chasing up homework/course work etc.

Then ideally I need to be in bed by 9pm to get a decent nights sleep, but I have to partake in a fight for the bathroom (we only have 1!) and the teens don't go to bed until later than this! Add in toilet trips/sneaking downstairs, nighttime wandering from the eldest and it can often be 12 before I can drift off.

I am tired! I thought I would be in the stage of doing less and enjoying more now, but it doesnt seem on the horizon.

As I said, lighthearted. I love them and realise some of it I could just leave them to it, but they are both ND and so need that bit of extra support or things just don't get done/get missed or get worse.

Anyone else with teens in this stage and waiting for a good rest

Are you me? That sounds so familiar. My goodness, the questions they ask. My mother would have fainted 😊.

I love this stage (mid teens at the moment) as we laugh so much together; barring the occasional hormone explosion and endless revision/exam stress of course.

I am always exhausted though, but I’m hitting 50, so to be expected.

Once your children are teens you would give everything to be back in the baby or toddle stage. As little one's you know where they are, what they are doing and what they are putting into their mouths, when they are teens you haven't a clue about the answer to any of the above. Yes you may have a bit more freedom to go out and about but mentally it is hell.

This could be a valid point. When my daughter were 16 and 13 I was 36. So nowhere near menopause. In fact younger than some of the people on here with newborns

Oh my god!! That’s so helpful!!

@Samlewis96 I definitely think that being perimenopausal is affecting my energy levels, I was complaining about it to DH yesterday. I also have an underactive thyroid, although a recent blood test showed that I’m on the correct medication dosage so that shouldn’t be contributing.

Having an energetic 19 and 15-year-old thundering around the house makes me feel more knackered! 😂

Well yes, welcome to mumsnet. Did you miss the part where OP states TWICE that she is being lighthearted?
Sorry if you’re having a bad day, but on the whole it’s pretty ok to initiate a lighthearted discussion/chat on whether others feel the same - whether or not it’s a hugely serious life-altering problem (or wherever your personal threshold sits for suitable chat room material).

Also yes OP I’m bloody knackered! But not only because of the teens - also due to increasing working hours as they get older, my own advancing years (menopause) and being the evening taxi as well as supporting their sports activities with volunteer coaching in my “spare” time. Life is busy and full and I will miss it all when they move on 🤷‍♀️

Yeh it's knackering. I did it alone as ex left. Fri and sat nught involved picking and dropping friends/parties. Wanted to make sure they got home safe. Jen they leave and its so quiet. Madness or deathly silence. Weird hey. But enjoy it. I loved hearing their tales of the night. Drunken ramblings in kitchen making toast and seeing all their friends. It doesnt last forever

YANBU and that's with easy amenable teen too!

Haven't read all of this so may be repeating what others say!

But totally agree that teens are harder. Earlier starts, later bedtime, further distances to activities, more expensive to feed & entertain.

We have an added element in that puberty brought on epilepsy seizures for DS2, who has a lot of SEN.

Plus our own parents & grandparents are all old & needing us more, sadly in a couple of cases no longer with us, but needed a lot of help when they were.

Finally, my hormones are back with a vengeance! Suffering far more in peri/menopause than in/after pregnancy & it clashes with the DSes hormones!

Oh, and obviously I don't get maternity leave now like I did when they were babies, so working too.

Having said all that, I adore them. They are sensible, silly, funny, clever, handsome & talented. And protective! They talk to me, I talk to them. It's like having extra friends a lot of the time.

I have a 6 month old and a 2.5 year old and I constantly have people telling me to enjoy it because the teen years are so much harder. I don't believe them to be honest but time will tell.

They talk to me, I talk to them. It's like having extra friends a lot of the time.

Yes, @confusedofengland , DD (19) is like an extra friend now, we enjoy chatting and doing things together. DS (15) is still more of a child, but lovely nonetheless. Unless he’s having a grunty day, when he only communicates to parents with grunts (usually when he’s tired).🤣

This. My 18 year old comes in as late as 4 or 5 in the morning after clubbing. I literally can't sleep until he is in. My primary age daughter then gets me up at 6! It makes me dread weekends 😩 He comes in really quietly so is not disturbing the household I also don't want him leaving his friends and making his way home by himself to get home for a curfew so I just have to suck it up

Can't relate. Mine spends most of the time in the bedroom, I gently point her to the bus stop and to the fridge at relevant times and she basically fends for herself.
I myself grew up in a household without a car and managed to get myself places even in the middle of Nordic winter on an unheated bus and I guess, my expectations haven't moved on from that.
We are generally in bed by 9pm and just remind her to shower at some point before bed and lights off in "half hour". When she moans about it, I tell her " as soon as our bedroom door is closed, we won't know what you are doing so just be a good girl and pretend you are going to sleep".

My teens are fairly self-sufficient. Part of it is down to where we chose to live - public transport is great so we've never done lifts, ar most we'll send an Uber. But they are very capable of navigating the buses and tubes for activities and visits to friends. School is supportive with homework so we don't need much input there. I don't get anxious about their nights out, I'm not having sleepless nights worrying about them, I just trust them to be sensible. I'm used to being up until 1-2am though so they're never in later than I'd go to bed anyway. We still spend a fair amount of time with them and they need help negotiating social and personal issues, but that isn't constant. I still work pt so that helps.

Surely it’s lifestyle changes too though, parents have a lot more demands on them. My parents moved out at 17/18 for example & were self sufficient from a much younger age. I was getting myself to & from places at 14 (younger for school) & would stay over with friends or vice versa if out late. I won’t be ferrying teen DCs about, I do enough of that now.

Lol my DS WORKS in the nightclub. Not that he's staying at my house ( club near uni) luckily he doesnt drink and has a car.

Although it is stressful when you get the call about cars being in ditch or run into field ( 2 of my teenagers in seperate occasions)

As a parent like yourself OP, of two teens who are ND, I’d hazard a guess that the neurodiversity is a huge factor here. Other families with teens we know are not having nearly as exhausting a time as we are, and I think it’s because their needs go way beyond the standard.

Have always been warned about the teenage years (yet to come but tweenie years seem to have become practising to be a teen) Background of secondary school teaching so won't be a shock but being a parent to them I can imagine isn't easy! X

I don’t find my teen (15) tiring at all! Sometimes there’s emotional conversations to be had, some testing for exams etc, but she isn’t tiring. She doesn’t have any effect on when I go to bed or get up (the 10 yo does though!)

I think the best thing you can do with teens is live in a town or city with good public transport. It must be ten times harder if you have to be ferrying them all over the place. Also it’s great for them to learn independence.

My 10 yo is ND so it might be all different, but I think he’ll be able to grasp public transport when he’s older with a bit of help - and a mobile phone!

Teens can be tiring especially around the GCSE and A Level years but there is no way they are more tiring when they were babies and toddlers <shudder>. Maybe that is because London has good public transport..

Do you let your young teen at 15 travel home late at night alone? Because there is no way on earth I would allow that. One teen is going to be easy in any event! A walk in the park compared to multiples. You haven’t even reached the peak either, as at 15 they are still a child and to some degree reliant on you.

Do you let your young teen at 15 travel home late at night alone? Because there is no way on earth I would allow that.

What do you class as late?

9.30pm onwards potentially earlier in the darkest days of winter.

I definitely travelled home at the time from 15/16 on occasion. But I’m a Londoner & had high street with tube/buses around the corner. It used to be a pretty rough part of London too but I was very sensible. If out very late clubbing then we would stay over with friends.