AIBU to think no one warns you life with teens is tiring

[Blendiful]

Lighthearted but..

You know when your kids are younger people warn you how tired you will be, but no one prepares you for being equally as shattered when they are teens!

In a perfect world I need to get up at about 6am to be able to go to the gym (something I enjoy for me), walk the dog, eat a decent breakfast.
Working full time now the kids are older. Throw into this endless tasks for school, washing, food shopping for the bottomless pits, trying to provide a decent diet 75% of the time. Ferrying to friends/work/college/partners houses/social events some of the time when they can't get themselves there or I'm feeling generous or transport/timings won't work x2 for the amount of teens.

Messages about things forgotten/asking for help/advice about various things. Trying to spend some time together, chasing up homework/course work etc.

Then ideally I need to be in bed by 9pm to get a decent nights sleep, but I have to partake in a fight for the bathroom (we only have 1!) and the teens don't go to bed until later than this! Add in toilet trips/sneaking downstairs, nighttime wandering from the eldest and it can often be 12 before I can drift off.

I am tired! I thought I would be in the stage of doing less and enjoying more now, but it doesnt seem on the horizon.

As I said, lighthearted. I love them and realise some of it I could just leave them to it, but they are both ND and so need that bit of extra support or things just don't get done/get missed or get worse.

Anyone else with teens in this stage and waiting for a good rest

I think the point is, it is unrelentless when you have young DCs but somehow finite days, in that by 8pm they are tucked up. Of course; you are also under 50.

Obviously, all DCs need ferrying, feeding, schooling, clothing, socialising etc. But at 16 ish it becomes SO emotionally nuanced and more important somehow as you are preparing them for life. (Rather than just keeping them alive!) You also need to give them freedom and you also learn although it is quicker to just do it yourself, you have to make them do it. It is tiring.

Also; the quantity of food is ridiculous. Did I mention the food?

Are you trying to say I’m not busy and that’s why my teens seem easy? I wish. 😅

I do 20 hours paid work, 8 hours a week volunteering and I also run a animal sanctuary/rescue at home, although we have staff and volunteers to help with that but it still takes up a lot of my time. I’m also a landlord (I know they’re hated on mumsnet) so that takes up time too.

You might have been back at work but your kid was not toilet trained, calmly communicating regulated emotions and eating neatly at mealtimes, were they. If you’ve done both you must see it’s ridiculous to claim the challenges of the teen stage last four years but those of the baby stage six months ‘absolute max’.

You clearly don’t know what it’s like to live rurally or semi-rurally where public transport barely exists. For almost half the year it’s dark after 5pm so walking is not possible/safe. Even if they did walk, just going to the next village can take the best part of an hour one way. Driving them around really is the only option unless they don’t leave the house other than for school or only in daylight hours.

Yeah And we cycled

Surely " preparation for life" starts much earlier than 16 though? Like from 11 up

The puberty years are exhausting. As the hormones fly in through the window, brains and good manners fly out of the door.🙄

It usually passes and you end up with a nice adult though. 🙂

Haven’t RTFT. It’s still hard when you have teens. Different, but still hard. They way I try and describe it to people is, it’s not the physical exhaustion that comes from babies/toddlers, but the emotional energy and organisation etc is next level. It’s easier in that you can go upstairs and read a book for an hour and no one will have climbed on a table or tried to drink bleach. (Hopefully). It’s harder in that you don’t have much evening to yourself and teenage kids often have lots of issues they need a lot of emotional energy from parents from.

I am currently in the situation of having a teen, a tween and a toddler and that is intense… 😳

They tell you teens are hard but not how bloody tired you are!

Depends on the baby and on the teen.

One of mine was a high needs baby but is a dream teen. The other was more routine based as a baby but a "high needs" teen who doesn't sleep until I am trying to get them up for school! Then they'll bloody sleep! through first lesson!

I have offered several clutches and the response has been

😂

I think breast feeding problems, waking every 2 hours and physically recovering from the birth are all done by 6 months absolute latest, in my case my babies slept 7 hours by 10-12 weeks. Toliet training took about 2 weeks each time. I do not relate to the idea of it being physically gruelling for years and years.

I agree that the mid-teens are more work than many parents expect. They still need a fair amount of parenting, including nagging about homework, lifts, a strange inability to tidy up after themselves, etc. 😂
Late teens are much easier. The contrast between my DD (19) and DS (15) is huge.

DD is 18 and still walks in on me in the loo if she fancies a chat 😂

Don't you lock the door @ClairDeLaLune?

Empathy? Really?? I’m convinced one of mine is a sociopath 😂

Why after being a teen in the country I was determined not to put my teens through it. Still get a thrill being able to walk to cinemas / restaurants/ clubs not that interminable car travel and lift /who’s driving faff.

It's one of the reasons that DD didn't want a campus university as she yearned for city life.

I'd hate living rural with teens. We also live in a busy town with great public transport. My DS has learned to navigate buses, trains and trams from age 11. It gives him independence and means I don't have to put my own life on hold to take him everywhere.

And usually steals ALL of the sanitary towels too 😂

We moved house a few years ago. I really wanted to live rurally but just didn't think it was practical with kids (who were soon to be teenagers). I didn't want to spend my life in the car and I didn't want it to be a huge hassle for them every time they wanted to see a friend, go to the cinema etc. I'm glad we stayed in the city for now. Makes life so much easier and we get to the countryside in 15 minutes.

My kids seem to prefer the parties in the country and find towns/ cities quite limiting after a while. All have chosen big cities for uni, so maybe like to come home to sleep and relax!

I don't see mine, they don't tire me out at all. The only thing that bugs me is having to be a referee, oh and the constant eating they do.

Have to say I’m completely stumped by the overall weirdness of that response.