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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not be on board with oral sex

155 replies

Mumoftwinsandasingleton · 19/05/2024 22:37

Long story short- husband finds oral to be the ultimate sex satisfaction. He loves everything about it and would love to release in my mouth.
I've always found the thought of this to be disgusting and very porn inspired (not my thing). I just want to enjoy my partner without him demanding that. He's aware I don't enjoy it and yet I find myself still giving in to his "needs" because during the act he coerces me into it.
I recently listened to a podcast which talked about consent and how a woman may agree to vaginal but not necessarily oral or anal, as it would be classed as rape if she did not consent but you still did it. I brought this up with my husband which didn't go down well. He said that if I love him, I should want to please him in the ways that he likes best.
I feel bad that I'm not at all into oral but it's putting me off sex completely, knowing that there will be the expectation for oral.
I try to please him in other ways via sensual massages and hand jobs, even breast stimulation - but he says it doesn't cut it and that all he wants is my mouth. Would it be unreasonable to completely stop oral until I actually want to do that myself? or should I put the effort in to pleasing him as (admittedly) he's a great father and husband?

OP posts:
longdistanceclaraclara · 19/05/2024 22:38

I wouldn't have any form of sex with at all.

AbsolutelyFemale · 19/05/2024 22:38

Gross 😝 what an utter dick

mbosnz · 19/05/2024 22:41

I'd give him the same choice as for dinner - as in, take what I'm offering, or go the fuck without.

If he loves you, he should not be wanting to pressure you into performing sex acts that violate your personal boundaries.

Creep.

AlexaPlaySomeHappyHardcore · 19/05/2024 22:43

or should I put the effort in to pleasing him as (admittedly) he's a great father and husband?

No he isn’t a great husband. I’m struggling to believe he’s a great father either. You literally said he coerces you into a sex act you are not comfortable with and don’t like.

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 19/05/2024 22:43

So his needs trump yours? Surely it should be equal.

Why if he loves you would he expect you to do something that you don't enjoy as part of sex.

MonsteraMama · 19/05/2024 22:44

If he wants blowjobs so much he shouldn't have married someone who hates them.

I'm personally of the opinion that oral is an essential part of a healthy happy sex life, but that's my opinion and the reason I'm married to someone who loves it too. I'd never dream of marrying someone who hates it and then coercing them into it, that's sick.

Honestly I'd leave someone who was trying to coerce me into something I didn't want to do with the bullshit teenage boy line "if you loved me you would". I'm not sure why you'd want to be with someone who doesn't care about your enjoyment, comfort or consent.

But if you won't leave him, just tell him it's 100% off the table, NO compromise. You won't perform sex acts you're not comfortable with anymore. If he really loved you he wouldn't want you to hate sex with him. I don't understand why so many men are so comfortable and content being absolutely shit in bed tbh. Wankers.

bellasmith · 19/05/2024 22:45

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Nottherealslimshady · 19/05/2024 22:45

He said that if I love him, I should want to please him in the ways that he likes best.

I'd decide that the way he can pleasure you best is by letting you peg him. Or if he's into that, something you know he isn't, I want you to watch while I get fucked by a guy with a huge cock "if you loved me you'd want to please me even if you didn't like it." Show him how ridiculous that is.

You don't like doing it. So you shouldn't be doing it. And he shouldn't be asking you to.

Mindblownawaybyfog · 19/05/2024 22:45

Well it is a matter of taste....
Do you like or expect him to give you oral?
Assuming you don't bully him. Tell him he is a fucking sex pest. Or do it half arsed and bite down.. He won't ask again.

WallaceinAnderland · 19/05/2024 22:47

Oof the bar is low on this one.

PhuckyNell · 19/05/2024 22:49

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PoochiesPinkEars · 19/05/2024 22:49

It's all a bit of a one way street isn't it.
You should suppress your dislike of oral cos he likes it.
You should submit to his wishes cos you love him.

Obviously when we are giving physical pleasure to someone we live, the touches they like should be taken into account, increase some things decrease/alter others for preference... But not too the extent that your preferences are entirely set aside.
It should not be at the expense of your own boundaries. If you continue to try to find the will for this you'll just end up traumatised cos your revulsion will be there deep down.

They're are things my DH likes that I'm not keen on, he wouldn't be at all happy to do those cos he knows I'm not into it.
That's normal and healthy.
So we do all the other stuff he loves and the rest is fantasy fodder.

Spottedshell · 19/05/2024 22:50

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In the nicest possible way, so what?

The OP is being coerced into doing it, and doesn't like it.

GreenFairies · 19/05/2024 22:50

No, you shouldn’t feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to do. DH loves them too, but after I realised men only shake off pee after using the bathroom, it put me off completely and I only do it when DH has had a shower. He knows it’s off the table otherwise and so he respects my boundaries and doesn’t pressure me.

That being said, oral isn’t an unreasonable request so there is also the issue that the two of you may be sexually incompatible. Ultimately, you both need to find a compromise, or decide whether oral is a dealbreaker.

spicysamosahotcupoftea · 19/05/2024 22:51

He said that if I love him, I should want to please him in the ways that he likes best.

If he loves you, he won't force you into doing something you have made clear you don't want to do.

GreenFairies · 19/05/2024 22:51

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It’s a tad worrying that you’re ok and pleased with being sexually assaulted. What happened to you really wasn’t ok.

Stompythedinosaur · 19/05/2024 22:52

The issue really is, why isn't the knowledge that you don't like it putting him off from his sexual enjoyment?

If his "ideal sex" isn't reciprocal sex, that's a problem.

Loubelle70 · 19/05/2024 22:52

AlexaPlaySomeHappyHardcore · 19/05/2024 22:43

or should I put the effort in to pleasing him as (admittedly) he's a great father and husband?

No he isn’t a great husband. I’m struggling to believe he’s a great father either. You literally said he coerces you into a sex act you are not comfortable with and don’t like.

This.
Fuck that shit...its coercion. He's a selfish misogynistic arse. Would he perform oral on you everytime you performed oral on him? I bet not. Entitlement again

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/05/2024 22:53

Stompythedinosaur · 19/05/2024 22:52

The issue really is, why isn't the knowledge that you don't like it putting him off from his sexual enjoyment?

If his "ideal sex" isn't reciprocal sex, that's a problem.

Exactly. The thing he wants is sex with someone unwilling. And that does make him a sexual abuser.

Guavafish1 · 19/05/2024 22:53

nope

Deebee90 · 19/05/2024 22:53

I don’t giving blow jobs either so I don’t do them, but I’m also ok with guys saying they won’t give me oral back.

PinkArt · 19/05/2024 22:53

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You find a woman being coerced into oral sex funny?

Olivia2495 · 19/05/2024 22:53

I wonder if he likes it so much because you don’t like it. I’d never suck his dick ever again.

CarpetSlipper · 19/05/2024 22:54

Would you be able to enjoy a sexual act you knew your partner hated? I’m guessing no. If he gave a shit about you, he wouldn’t either.
Don’t be coerced into doing anything you don’t want to do.

TuesdayWhistler · 19/05/2024 22:54

Why are you with a rapist?

He said that if I love him, I should want to please him in the ways that he likes best.

Of you choose to stay with a rapist, AND HE IS A RAPIST, then next time he saysnthebbove, you reply,
"If you loved me, you wouldn't be trying to coerce me into things i dont want to do?"
Or simply ask,
"Why are you trying to rape me? Coercive rape, is rape."