To not be on board with oral sex

[Mumoftwinsandasingleton]

Long story short- husband finds oral to be the ultimate sex satisfaction. He loves everything about it and would love to release in my mouth.
I've always found the thought of this to be disgusting and very porn inspired (not my thing). I just want to enjoy my partner without him demanding that. He's aware I don't enjoy it and yet I find myself still giving in to his "needs" because during the act he coerces me into it.
I recently listened to a podcast which talked about consent and how a woman may agree to vaginal but not necessarily oral or anal, as it would be classed as rape if she did not consent but you still did it. I brought this up with my husband which didn't go down well. He said that if I love him, I should want to please him in the ways that he likes best.
I feel bad that I'm not at all into oral but it's putting me off sex completely, knowing that there will be the expectation for oral.
I try to please him in other ways via sensual massages and hand jobs, even breast stimulation - but he says it doesn't cut it and that all he wants is my mouth. Would it be unreasonable to completely stop oral until I actually want to do that myself? or should I put the effort in to pleasing him as (admittedly) he's a great father and husband?

"didn't go down well" snigger

You're within your rights to do or not do what you like.

Sex of any time should be consensual.

Goes both ways. If HE loves YOU,he wouldn't be putting pressure on you to do something HE KNOWS you don't want to do.

I wonder how many women coerce their partners into oral that the partner has expressed a dislike/disgust for?
Very few I'd imagine. But so many women fall into this trap.
NOBODY should EVER be having SEX THEY DON'T WANT.
Thank fuck we have laws around coercion now.
Please find your voice OP.
@MrsTerryPratchett wise words as always

Just here to offer you a bit of solidarity OP. I hate having a penis in my mouth and DH hates having a clitoris in his mouth. So neither of us gives each other oral—we do other things instead. Yes, I’m sure DH would love to get BJs, but that’s not going to happen. Besides, he climaxes every time we have sex, so he’s hardly getting blue balled here.

Consent should, in my opinion, be relabelled “enthusiastic consent”. Badgering/guilt tripping someone until you grind them down into agreeing is not “enthusiastic consent”. Yes, your husband may well be Father of the Year, but he’s being a prat in the bedroom. Both can be true at the same time.

Good luck. xxx

I'm sorry to say that I think your reluctance is part of the turn on for him - and also to cum in your mouth.

It's humiliation and rape. It has to stop.

That's going to be the least sexiest thing ever,making your partner do something you know they are hating. Who in their right mind would find that a turn on? 🤦

Rapists and sexual abusers sadly

Fucking disgusting.
I have never been that into sex, let alone "oral".
Makes me wanna throw up.
Husband never, ever put pressure in any way.
Child free, I'd rather be gone.
Gross, sorry.

If he loved you he wouldnt force you to do things you hate. Very selfish and immature. And in this instance also sick.

Yes, to add, a poster mentioned humiliation.
Very true.
My late Grandmother used to say,
when I was an adult 😁, if he wants this practice, he should stick it between doorframes and slam the door shut.

It seems to have become a very big thing since having my twins in September. Before then he made it clear that he liked it but was OK if I said no. Now it just seems to be something he almost insists on. On his birthday, he said, "come on give me a bj" when I said no. He pulled my head towards it and said "oh come on, it's my birthday" he would never normally do this so this is new for me that he's become quite pushy with it

Maybe she didn't realise it was going to escalate to the point he's orally raping her.

Disgusting victim blaming.

It sounds like he's been pushing your boundaries over the years and now he's at the point he feels he can be more open about forcing you to do it. He's eroded your boundaries so now he can escalate.

He's probably getting off on the fact that you don't want to do it.

I haven’t read the whole thread but have read your updates. What your husband is doing is not OK. Consent by coercion is not consent. Sexual contact without consent is assault or rape.

It is truly awful to have to come to terms with the knowledge that a person who should prioritise your wellbeing is being abusive. I hope you’re OK and can access support.

Are these your first babies? Abuse often ramps up after a baby, because they think the women is now stuck and won't leave.

A great husband does not make you do things you don't want to. Do you reckon he would repeatedly do something he doesn't like? Of course not, so why should you. The 'if you loved me you'd do it because I like it' is a massive, massive red flag.

At a guess, I'd say it's because he thinks he's managed to trap you with twins and a single baby and can push as much as he likes because you're in a vulnerable spot. "Where would you go/who would have you" trope.

He's orally raping you. And you're out of your mind if you think he's not capable of taking it further. Good father or not, he's not a good husband.

It’s obviously her problem too. No sexual issue is just one person’s problem.

Let’s get this right, he’s NOT a great husband.

Also forcing a partner to commit an act they aren’t comfortable with SHOULD NOT be a turn on. Normal people wouldn’t get off knowing that their partner wasn’t into what they were doing. It would be a turn OFF to know they weren’t in it together. He’s sexually abusing you and he’s using emotional control to try and force you into situations you don’t want to be in.

It’s not normal, ok, or what you should be doing. Repeat. He is the one failing you (-(and abusing you) as a partner. Repeat.

Funnily enough I said this during our last discussion and he seemed to acknowledge it but then said it was completely different

He loves oral, but your relationship was deepened and committed to on the basis that he understood you didn't and was ok with the compromise that entailed.
Now he's moved the goalposts. Was it premeditated, probably not, but that's what has happened.
Maybe there's a dark side that kinda gets a kick out of the power play that someone submitting to another entails, but if that's his kink then he needs to own that and allow you to choose if you want to be a partner in that. Because s+m including degrading acts (degrading can be whatever you feel it is) can be fully consensual if you have two people where one likes to be dominated and one likes to dominate.
That's not the situation he's in, though as you're his sexual partner he's pressing on with that kind of scenario by stealth.
He might not be a rapist by intent, but he's certainly in the grey area of conveniently forgetting what true consent is and being emotionally manipulative about getting his desires met which is certainly not loving partner territory.
Is he an out and out villain, no because he does well in the role of house mate and father, but since when were people all light or all shade.
As a sexual partner he is not mindful of your emotional well being, happy to impose regardless of personal cost to you, prepared to pin the blame on you if this mismatch exists.
It's ok for this not too sit well with you, to withdraw from him because of it.

Autocorrect can be really annoying sometimes. 🙄

My "sexual issues" are my problem only.
That's why I don't let a man anywhere near me anymore, because I simply don't have a single reason to do so.

And that’s fair enough. You’re not making it someone else’s problem. This is a shared problem of sexual incompatibility.