AIBU to think we simply don’t socialize like our parents did?

[Enchanted82]

I have been thinking lately about how much more insular and less social people are now compared to my parents era. I’m early forties, young family, lived in different places and always put friendships and making new friends/acquaintances a priority and I love hosting but I do feel lots of other families don’t seem to want/enjoy having people round or meeting up much at all!
in the 80’s my parents and friends parents were round each others houses, enjoying their company regularly but I don’t feel my husband and I have this despite being sociable people.
what’s changed?

I think also in the past it was probably more normal to socialise with people you didn’t like, like husbands colleagues wives. People are far more picky about who they spend time with now.

weve stopped socialising with some people because they never reciprocated, one couple were so mean with money on their turn it was off putting. We also avoid going to see someone we really like but honestly they are appalling cooks, so would only see them outside the home.

I also have a friend who increasingly only wanted to meet with her husband in tow. He is incredibly hard work and odd, DH cannot stand him. So I don’t see her anymore really.

Thats really not nice as you’ve been friends for a good amount of time and im sure they could have popped in for a quick drink. I would feel the same 😞

Thank you, yes I was very hurt by it. We were all invited to the summer party at Easter and I said I'll be there. Since this happened though, I don't really feel like going. I've got a few weeks to think about it.

You'll need to move to a village. When I liver in a big city, people preferred to just go out to places. Now in a small village and people always bob round

@Winterysun

they sounds absolutely bloody useless

I’ve never really done much couple socialising. Certainly the whole dinner party thing has passed me by.

Other than maybe a solo mate dropping in for a few glasses and a catch up, or a friend who lives in a different town staying over after a night out, my social life is squarely outside the home.

Ive got friends I’ve known for decades who have never been to my house other than to pick me up or drop me off. It’s just always been how my circle socialises.

Precisely, life will evolve, you wont always have little ones pulling at your leg needing you every minute and then what? especially if you havent proactively maintained your friendships and didnt feel the need to, these people could really look back and regret being too busy to socialise. But thats how I feel, and despite the chaos I have people round, I socilaise and go out of my way to maintain my friendships,

@Winterysun your comment
Things have definitely changed, and I know a few people who are still saying they feel less sociable since the Pandemic. Tbh I feel this is becoming an excuse as 4 years have now passed (unless of course they've experienced bereavement or long-term illness through it, that's very different).

couldnt agree more. i feel the pandeminc is becoming an excuse.

I'm sorry because that does sound disappointing.

However, I disagree that people saying they feel less sociable since the pandemic is an excuse now, just because time has passed. For many people, the way lockdown forced us to live made us re-evaluate what we feel is important. And for some, socialising like they used to isn't up there anymore.

Pre-pandemic DH and I were pretty antisocial. We did the work things and the family things and met up with friends, but what we really always wanted to be doing was chilling on the sofa or walking the dog. For us, the element of lockdown that meant things weren't open so that was our options was wonderful.

When we started being allowed to see people again, that's what we did instead of sitting in pubs or restaurants. We met for walks, maybe a coffee or ice cream. What did happen though was it whittled down our "friends" to people who wanted to see us to spend time with us, not just because they needed someone to sit with on the pub while they drank.

So since the pandemic, we socialise less, but the quality of the relationships is better. And we can nurture them better because there's fewer of them.

How's everyone getting on? I've realised when I stopped making the effort lots of friendships fell away. I think people prefer digital friendships now really which I find odd

Quite a horrible article in the i paper at the moment claiming people who don’t have childhood friends cannot be trusted.

What a disgusting thing to say, and quite ableist in fact.

I agree. My parents would see friends a couple of times a week either at the local pub or each other's houses.

But they were a one income family so probably less stressed and socialising was significantly cheaper then . Also people lived in smaller communities then.

I see my friends every few months 🤦‍♀️ but we tend to do a meal out or weekend away so it's more expensive.

I did notice a difference from when I had my eldest daughter, I met friends at local playgroup and we would all go to each others houses for coffee. But when I had my son 14 years later it's coffee shop meet ups which is so much more expensive!

Covid and social media have definitely made things worse too. When I was 18 me and my friends went 'round town' a couple of nights a week. My dds have never really bothered and tend to chat to friends online more than meet up.

I find I've just given up on a few long term friendships. It's more hassle than it's worth at times. Tbh I've got good work mates so I tend to socialise with them.

I’ve started a course and I thought I would pick up some friends what way.
so many of them aren’t actually local and travel in for it. I think maybe one might be more interested but also think she’s not local anyway.

Weirdly I met someone doing a different course and we were both super early, I clicked with, I doubt I’ll see her again.

Im amazed about how many of my friends know nothing about me. I met with one who monologued about her life - she has no idea about my circumstances at the moment, it was just me me me. See you later. She has loads of friends and I don’t understand.

Sometimes the most dramatic self centred people have all the mates maybe they're mates with people who like drama.

There's a friendship I've decided to step back on because I'm starting to feel resentful that they never seem to have free time to meet. Nothing good comes from resentment.

I'll have a read of the article in a bit.

Are you my DSis Tomatoes?

Yanbu I'm early thirties and my entire life my parents have walked to the same set of best friends they've had since they were all at school for a Saturday night dinner or they'd walk to theirs. Unless they're on holiday, which is usually together anyway or another plan like a graduation or something has come up it ALWAYS happens. Sometimes other couples join them. They catch up on the week, drink and have a lovely time. I have such fond memories of it all when I was young enough they'd take me along. It's sad this is so rare now or every Saturday would seem to be overstepping for a lot of people.

Oh gosh i resonate with some of this
I just don't feel prepared for my life really

Hmmm. I think I would find every Saturday night with the same people too much! But lovely if they are happy with it.

The internet and the pandemic are responsible for this.

I think it's because everyone works now and their social battery is used up at work. Home and weekends are needed to recharge those batteries and there is nothing left for friends regularly. Also people aren't commonly having dinner parties, or friends to stay for the weekend because we all have much smaller houses than the previous generation. The only woman I know who does those things is married to a wealthy man, and they have a big house and a cleaner, and she only works part-time.

Totally agree social media and covid have everything to do with where we are now!

That is quite a mean article. I haven't really kept any friends from school or uni, bar some Facebook connections but don't think that makes me worthy of shunning now I'm in my forties!

I do still go round to my friends houses and they sometimes come to mine, two of my friends cook and we have dinner or a drink. Or just a cuppa

but the dinner parties my parents had in the eighties well that’s never happened as an adult. They used to get dressed up at night and go out to each others houses and cook each other nice 3 course meals, with
music, soft lighting and wine. Us kids used to have fend for ourselves upstairs!