AIBU to think we simply don’t socialize like our parents did?

[Enchanted82]

I have been thinking lately about how much more insular and less social people are now compared to my parents era. I’m early forties, young family, lived in different places and always put friendships and making new friends/acquaintances a priority and I love hosting but I do feel lots of other families don’t seem to want/enjoy having people round or meeting up much at all!
in the 80’s my parents and friends parents were round each others houses, enjoying their company regularly but I don’t feel my husband and I have this despite being sociable people.
what’s changed?

People don’t tend to have dinner parties or invite people over, it’s going out is more popular.

I do sometimes have dinner parties and like it if people just invite others over.

I personally prefer going to people’s houses rather than meeting up other places. I don’t like having to play host myself though so…

Yes, agree with PPs. Social media, Netflix, more televised sport etc. There’s more to entertain us at home.

And women back then had more time/inclination for cooking and clearing up.

I have been thinking about this. I wonder what my generation is going to be like when we're 70/80. The social contract doesn't exist anymore, smallest reason for an excuse and we cancel. I don't have to leave my house ever really, if I don't want to. Friendships seem to be a hassle to maintain, expensive and exhausting.

It’s no longer ok to drink drive! Genuine factor I think.

Where I live we quite frequently go round to people's houses for a coffee, we invite people round for a barbecue etc. We moved out of London during lockdown and it was like night and day to have people just pop by or have kids calling for my DD. We live in a relatively well-to-do area that is known for its friendliness and I do love it.

The big change from my parents is that they used to have people over for dinner more where they would put us to bed and have a posh dinner, or go out to friends for a meal in the evening and get us a babysitter. Everyone seems too knackered for late nights now and socialises more with their children ime.

Yes all my childhood birthday parties were held at home, as were everyone else’s.
The only way to socialise when I was a child was face to face, so we either played out or went to friend’s houses.
I remember a time when we didn’t even have a phone. Then when we got one I could only ring my friends after 6pm when it was cheap or free. Easier to just go and call for them!
My mum has photos of her at friends and relatives houses on lots of occasions.
I’m on a lot of them too.
I have to say there were lots of 25th wedding anniversary and 50th wedding anniversary type things. I doubt you get many of those nowadays.

My parents weren't the most sociable but they did host the odd dinner party. My closest friends are from university and we all live far apart now. I also think DH and I work longer hours than my parents did.

Everyone I know is so exhausted from working every minute to make ends meet - and even then there's no guarantee - there just isn't time to socialise any more.

Our successive governments have broken society.

The only people I see with the time to socialise are retired.

That is so true!

I mean you weren’t supposed to drink drive but I’m sure DM and stepdad had over 2 drinks each and drove.

We were those 80s parents. My children now 40 with children did try working hard to cook for people at the weekend, they've given up because none of their friends reciprocate.

So now it's nights out at restaurants sometimes as a couple often the men will have a night out or the women will.

We carried on in our generation until COVID arrived. Now we all rarely bother. I've become very insular which maybe an age thing. My husband on the other hand has coffee with other buddies most days. They're connected to a joint hobby.

People change.

91’ diagnosed as under active thyroid. Doctors didn’t say life enducing only when we went back for 2nd bottle of what was then thyroxine to know I’d be on it life. Poor ma.

I recently requested copy of a spine mri in 2023 and to see the thyroid gland there play a part. Well. 30 plus years later.

I don’t think loads of people are more insular I think life has changed & people have less time. More common for both parents to work & have a longer commute. Hosting can be an issue space wise as more people are in smaller homes. DC have less free time eg more homework, after school activities which often involves ferrying them about. More people into exercise/gym, my parents and their peers didn’t go to gyms. Exercise wasn’t really a thing to do it was part of day to day stuff. Quite a few of my school parent friends try to fit in a daily gym trip or run etc.

And more TV options now

I think people move around a lot more and don’t stay in thier home town anymore so lifelong friends are more rare.

constant connectivity to people via social media means you don’t have to pop round for a chat and a cup of tea

people (women) now work much ore than they used to so no one is home to get the house ready/shopping/cooking for a diner party and people are too tired to want to have to sort thier house out for visitors

people are more judgemental of other peoples houses - if it’s not newly decorated and minimal and sparkling they judge so people are less likely to want to have people round due to embarrassment

we all do ‘more’ now - go to the gym, family days out(which in the 80s would be a once a year thing).trying to arrange to meet up with people is harder as everyone is so busy. My and my friend needed to find a weekend to take the boys somewhere and the first weekend we could both do was September!

children need to be constantly entertained and educated so there’s no longer the kids going feral in the street/garden whilst parents get drunk

Binge drinking is not as socially acceptable as it used to be especially when in charge of kids etc

money- people can’t afford it socialise as much. There’s more ‘stuff’ that society makes us think we need so we spend money on that instead.

I really don't understand why young mums take their babies/toddlers/pre-schoolers and meet their friends in Costa or somewhere. There's nothing for the kids to do.

My generation of mums simply took it in turns to host in our homes, and the littlies played with each other, with toys, or in the garden. It was so much more relaxed because we didn't have to care about other customers or wrangle highchairs or where to fit the buggies. And the kids actually learned to socialise, or could be put down for a nap or whatever. And no changing nappies on a gross and cramped public toilet.
And when it was your turn all you needed was to provide tea and coffee and some cheap biscuits every month or so.

Like PP, it's the opposite for me. My parents didn't socialise at all and it wasn't for lack of space. Mum would have loathed being required to cook for visitors and didn't have a circle of friends during her marriage. They were all my father's friends and when he buggered off, so did they.

I do more socialising now than I've ever done, but it's at cafes and knitting groups. I have no room for more than one visitor at a time in my unit and prefer groups to one-on-one.

And parenting was more relaxed back in the day eg the age you left your dc to stay at home etc.

I really don't understand why young mums take their babies/toddlers/pre-schoolers and meet their friends in Costa or somewhere. There's nothing for the kids to do.

because many young people don’t have the space to host a group of mums, babies & their buggies. Plus it’s a reason to get up and get out of the house.

Our house is very dated and kitchen not really fit for cooking for lots of people. Nor does the dining table fit more than the four of us around it. Can’t afford to do either up and the house in general is shabby even when tidy so don’t like having people over!

Our neighbours/friends are great hosts though and we go there fairly often but kids have activities both weekend mornings so at least one of us has to stay sensible.

This has just given me a flashback of one of my mum's friends handing around a mouth spray at the end of a dinner party, "in case the police stop you". They definitely did drive after having a drink or two.

I'm a 70's child- my parents were very sociable- late 70 loads of parties on a Saturday night. They used to put coloured light bulbs in the living room - red and green and get about 50 people round! My dad made mixed tapes on his stereo. We (my sis and me) were in bed but could hear it all- the occasional auntie (actual auntie not just one of their mates) would poke her head into our room for a little drunk chat
Early 80's onwards a lot of 'dinner parties' at our house- ver civilised!
They had a belting social life. Mum worked part time - Dad full time but often home by 4.00pm after starting at 7am.
These days DH and I work awful hours and are mostly knackered and cannot imagine cooking up a dinner party- far too much work and you have to clean the house. We are sociable but meet up in restaurants and someone else does the prep/clean up.
Good point about little else do do with no internet and 3 then gasp 4 channels on TV!

My parents host a lot but they have a large kitchen and garden to do so - that’s probably part of the generational divide as well.

I imagine that with many families having 2 parents working full time, and kids being ferried to activities, people simply don’t have the time or energy to have people over.

we definitely have people over to our house a lot less than we did pre Covid. FIL comes for dinner every week and my mum stays a weekend each month, but socialising with friends at home only happens an every couple of months these days. Pre Covid it was most weeks

We were always in the pub with my parents most weekends. Played in the beer garden until it got dark in the summer was great.