AIBU to think we simply don’t socialize like our parents did?

[Enchanted82]

I have been thinking lately about how much more insular and less social people are now compared to my parents era. I’m early forties, young family, lived in different places and always put friendships and making new friends/acquaintances a priority and I love hosting but I do feel lots of other families don’t seem to want/enjoy having people round or meeting up much at all!
in the 80’s my parents and friends parents were round each others houses, enjoying their company regularly but I don’t feel my husband and I have this despite being sociable people.
what’s changed?

Same.

I love socialising away from home and rather not go to other people’s homes either. I don’t want anyone hosting me and have just grin and bear it out of politeness. I would happily pay for a friend and myself to go out and do something if they were short on funds instead.

when we moved in to where I live now, we were told there was a similar circuit. sadly we were never able to attend....

@keramn

what about when your kids grow up? You could be really lonely! You don’t need to just focus on your kids, you matter too!

actually some do but many do not.

Not from my perspective. My parents hardly ever went to anyone else's house and no one overcame to ours. But we might have been the execption rather than the norm.

Yeah but messaging still isn't meeting up IRL. You still don't have to actually meet up to check how someone is.

I should add that my in laws did socialise a lot there was massive amounts of alcohol involved and there’s been long term issues for lots of them, including my late FIL.
My MIL who used to lecture us about not having these parties like they did actually hated them but it was an expected thing, so not a choice.

Yes I deffo remember the alcohol and even my ILs now in their mid 70s have a NY party and their friends get pissed

Totally agree - I think everyone relaxes more away from home and there’s lots of things you can do socially that dont cost a huge amount of money for anyone on a budget (picnics, walks, drinks in the park in the sun). I dont like anyone running round after me either at their home and would rather go out where you can have a proper catch up with friends and everyone is relaxed.

There's much more to do outside of the house!
We would much prefer to meet our friends at a restaurant to enjoy and meal not have to worry about who's turn it is to host, the washing and clearing up, etc.
Plus we all go to the theatre, or to gigs. We see our friends a lot, just out of the house

We are late 40s and socialise often, at our house, at friends and relatives houses, also pubs for live music, quiz nights, karaokes. Love the summer for all the festivals too.

Complete opposite for me. My parents never socialised and we never did as a family.
We are very social. We have people round a lot, meet up at various places with the kids,often have get together a with the kids. We always have a party Xmas eve and often new years too.
I hated how insular my childhood was and make sure my own kids don't have the same.

I am much older than you. I am a great grandmother. My late parents were extremely sociable, always having people round for drinks, meals etc. I have never been like that and even less so after Covid, but my two daughters in their forties are like my parents.

I'm glad enforced socialising isn't the "done thing" nowadays to get on in your job!

It's such an awful concept that the wife has to wear herself to a frazzle impressing some old bores so her husband can get promotion 😁

My dad worked in insurance sales and around every 6 weeks had a boss working with him for the week and my mother was expected to provide a 3 course dinner for him every night. This was after teaching all day - mind you teaching then was no way as stressful as it is now.

Yeah I'm doing a bbq this weekend. It'll be the last one as people are so flaky!

I've also stopped making an effort with some people and don't think I'll ever see them again.

I can think of a few old friendships where I'm flogging a dead horse. It's a shame as I'm so shit at making new friends

I’ve frequently thought this! It’s lonely!

I'm older. We used to socialise, dinner parties, events, impromptu lunches etc. But as we've aged and especially since Covid, we do it less and less. At some point I realised I was doing more than my share of hosting and now I can't be bothered. I was looking at my shelf of Champagne and fizz the other day and wondering when it's going to get drunk. My funeral I guess. So, I’d suggest, if you can afford it and have the energy, get socialising before it's too late.

My mum and dad are out or away most weekends with friends and at parties. My DH and myself are quite insular in comparison. We both work full time, have two kids who do sports (always at weekends) and we only get one day off and that is spent catching up on jobs missed during the week with being busy. If we make plans to go out we dread it and really can’t be bothered, we are just tired most of the time. My DH is a football coach for my son’s team too. We don’t have grandparents that offer to see their grandkids either so we are very much stuck in terms of actually being free to do anything without giving months notice which is a huge ballache in itself.
We’ve hosted Christmas a few times for family but it’s unbearable. I can’t be arsed tending to and chatting to people and having people in my house then having to clear up afterwards. It’s just another chore. I enjoy the quiet life when I can get it.

I drink champagne when I feel like it, no need to host to enjoy a glass of fizz!

^ This. The people I know who do 'host' have houses in which they can comfortably do that. The rest of us don't, despite wanting to.

It's a shame really.

For my parents, I think it was a financial issue. Friends, relatives would meet at each others home, or have a card game night with another couple. Eating out, concerts etc were not the norm.

Hmmn. I remember the 80's well. What a great decade. Lot's of hype and innovation. Thriller, Miami Vice, new ideas, people suddenly making their own pasta and being pretentious about food.

But it was a boom decade. House prices soared and until the house price crash, people were living their dreams.

Rushing out to buy your first home aged 21 and painting it ... nah, not happening now.

We're not in a boom decade now.

What I do know about being a parent, is you make friends with the parents of your children's friends.

It's really expensive hosting dinner parties.

Not to mention - how many people do you know now with a food/religious intolerance?

In the 1980's you cooked what you wanted. End of. Now you're faced with every other guest who pleads special dietary consideration.

Probably the summer bbq is the most inclusive way to go.

But I hosted a lot in the 80's. You don't get the same quality of guest, there for a good social get-together and just fitting in and getting on with it. You get the perpetually entitled and offended, who will spend an entire week worrying about whether someone took their shoes off or not and what germs might have entered the home.

I agree. I rarely invite people to our house now and go out to other people's only a few times a year. I have had some of my friends for decades, and as singles and newer couples, we often met up in each others homes. Now we mainly meet in restaurants or go for walks, to an exhibition etc. Partly we got used to not doing so when our kids were small - having people round was awkward with kids who wouldn't sleep. But overall I see cooking as a chore mostly and enjoy being out of the house in a different environment. Also we have more disposable income to pay for meals etc than we did 5, 10 or more years ago.

Also there's more entertainment at home- I used to absolutely love the cinema but now I have access to tons of programmes and films at home, that I can pause when I need to get a drink or use the bathroom etc. We can cuddle up on the sofa too. Or play online games etc.

Covid made it more acceptable to keep home as somewhere just for you and your family too.

Also my friends tend to live some distance away. Only a few are left who live close by. It's easier to meet somewhere else than travel to theirs.