AIBU to think we simply don’t socialize like our parents did?

[Enchanted82]

I have been thinking lately about how much more insular and less social people are now compared to my parents era. I’m early forties, young family, lived in different places and always put friendships and making new friends/acquaintances a priority and I love hosting but I do feel lots of other families don’t seem to want/enjoy having people round or meeting up much at all!
in the 80’s my parents and friends parents were round each others houses, enjoying their company regularly but I don’t feel my husband and I have this despite being sociable people.
what’s changed?

i think we live further away from friends these days

You think it's a generational thing? I think with social media etc people have become more insular. There is enough entertainment at home without going out/ meeting others. Also maybe since Covid- most people can't be arsed 🤷🏽‍♀️

i totally agree, I have friends all over the country, very longstanding friendships, but friendships with other mums/families from local school is much harder than I expected even though you live close to one another!

I wonder if it’s partly due to smaller houses/flats.

Mine are all mid to late teens now and I see a massive change in how people socialize now. As a norm we used to either go to each others houses, or take sandwiches and juice to the park. From what I see from my siblings now people don't visit each other at all, they meet up in coffee shops, soft play and other paid venues. I live near a coffee shop strip and at the weekend it is rammed with very young families meeting up with other very young families. My younger siblings tell me people CBA with the hassle of having people over and the subsequent mess, and at least if you meet up outside you can leave anytime.

Based on my interactions with my neighbours, I would agree. They are in their 60s and regularly turned up on my doorstop when I was on maternity leave and would have a cuppa and encourage me to go over to theirs. In fact, Mr could tell when I was really low and was always so kind eg bringing over car battery charges and their dust sheets to help us out. I'm working full time so we don't see them as much

Why not invite some people round

I'm in my early 40s and socialise exactly like my parents did i.e. not at all - they were anti-social buggers too! So it depends on your family.

I think maybe you need to find the right group/community. In my small market town a lot of my friends are still like this. Search out the right people, they do exist.

I don’t see this at all. We go out with friends most weekends, I meet for dinner with friends once a week. Today I have done a dog walk with a friend and went for lunch with another friend and we have 3-4 arrangements for friends to come to us. I’ve also got an exhibition booked with a friend and 2 sets of theatre tickets with another group

I don’t think I’ve had the same experience. We’ve got a few groups of friends and it’s rare that we have a weekend where we don’t do something with one of them, and I meet up with my friends with kids during the week too on the days I don’t work.

I think many people work longer hours, and are exhausted.

Agreed. My parents used to have people round for dinner all the time when I was growing up. When I got married 20 years ago we got fancy crockery set of 8 for dinner parties but have barely ever used it. I meet people for coffee but rarely go to friends' houses etc.

Do you have small children? It's easier to meet up with for coffee or lunch in a restaurant than the hassle of having to tidy up your house and cook dinner for friends.

Really interesting to hear people’s views. I meet up lots with friends and other couples but have noticed how little we actually go round to friends houses. I guess I feel when your out with people it’s a very different vibe to spending time together in one of your homes. I have small children but I like the more personable ( to me) see ting of being at home I suppose

Neither of my parents were very sociable. My dad refused point blank to have a mobile phone because he didn't want to be contactable! I don't see that they were more sociable, but I do think the younger generation have a fear of meeting new people because of screens.

Good point about the entertainment now available to us all at home etc.. I bet that plays a part in and you’re right about covid.

My parents often used to have people over for dinner. I’m afraid I never do this. We meet in restaurant instead.

Less women worked back then which I suppose left more time for the preparations involved in entertaining at home.

I agree

There are few reasons

• Having children later in life.
• Women are working and career oriented
• Social media - virtual communication and reduced attention span
• Economy and government policies/Covid

My parents generation - going down the pub, dinner parties, coffee mornings. Younger me, pub, parties, dinner parties, lots of pot luck brunches. Now people are too tired and broke to meet up. I have lodgers over the years. They NEVER go out now!

I think there was less entertainment at our fingertips back then. Four channels on TV. Maybe a VHS player if you were lucky. No internet. No social media. No mobile phones. My mum was constantly on the phone chatting with friends and relatives. You couldn't drop someone a quick text or WhatsApp to see how they were.

As for soft play, there was no such thing when I was growing up. Nor Starbucks either. So playdates and NCT group meet-ups were in people’s houses. More birthday parties were too.

We have Netflix now.

My parents did endless “cheese circle” and “wine circle” shit in the 80’s. We watch TV.

I think most people are tired and overwhelmed. Its hard to keep your house visitor ready when you are working full time and I get the sense people treat their houses as the place to rest and recover from the week.

I think going out to socialise means that you don't have to run around preparing or cleaning up afterwards

My parent was sociable and we regularly had friends for meals or weekends, and vice versa. I grew up in a small town and people would often just pop round for a cuppa.

we now live in a city centre and rarely just pop in to see anyone. It’s pretty rare we socialise either.