Should I speak to the wife 6 years later?

[Anon31483]

I 37F was with someone 39M for 3 months when I found out he was married with a kid on the way. I found out it wasn't the first time he cheated during their relationship either. He cheated also before they got married. The guy is a compulsive liar. The reason I didn't speak then was that his wife was pregnant with their kid and I didn't want to cause any harm. Now I found out they had a second kid who is one. I myself moved on of course and my own kid.

However my conscience has been eating me up all these years. Should I speak up anonymously?

So don't do it.

🤦‍♀️

The only possible reason you would tell her now is to be spiteful or because you love drama.

AS is interesting.

I’ll bet 😁

If you were going yo tell her,the time to do it was before she had a second child.

💯

Absolutely. He did and also did before they got married and didn't have a clue. To me he was claiming he that he was living with his mum every now and then when she was coming from Cyprus. And other lies not only to me. But I've decided not yo say anything because I'm thinking about my partner and my child and I don't want to jeopardise the life we have built for someone like him.

The benefit would be you'd be smug at him being outed. Obviously there's a benefit to you or you'd move on 6 years down the line.

To be so triggered by how someone writes. Surely they can do what they want?

It depends what you want to get out of it OP. What do you think you will achieve by approaching the wife now?

If you would want to know or be told, then tell. If you are sure you wouldn’t want to know, then don’t.

I would want to know. I would tell. I would possibly do it anonymously but with enough proof to help the wife know for sure.

I think op is slightly scared of the man. And he might be confrontational

I'm not gonna do it as I don't want to cause any potential issues to my partner and daughter

I don’t think that’s always true. I’m still so angry thinking about an ex friend of mine who cheated so horribly on his partner. I ended the friendship but I still think about her and I still burn with rage sometimes for her. He didn’t obviously cheat with me and I wasn’t complicit in it but I still think about it and her not knowing and me knowing… it affects my conscience. I didn’t know what to do at the time other than end the friendship with him but years later I still feel upset for her.

This is one of the most spiteful plans I have read in a long time.

Keep your mouth shut.

You are though. You want revenge. It’s blatantly clear that’s your motivation

No. You don't know anything about this woman and she won't thank you for interfering. If he's a serial cheater, she will catch him out probably sooner rather than later. Just get on with your life. The past is the past.

Name change fail OP?

@OP "I'm not gonna do it as I don't want to cause any potential issues to my partner and daughter "

I agree with this for what it is worth Anon

But 6 years ago you thought he should get away with it. Nothing has really changed since then so far as you are concerned.

I’d personally want to know. You could save her decades of pain.

However, some people prefer a lie, and no good deed goes unpunished so keep that in mind.

If you do, I wouldn't do it unanimously. That would be horrible, not knowing if it was real, or a twisted game and no way to resolve.

After six years?? Of course not. If he shags around that much it's quite likely she knows anyway.

You're getting a hard time on here and I'm not sure why OP. I don't think people understand someone wanting to do something just because they believe it's the right thing to do. I believe that's what you are doing. In my opinion I would say something as I would want to be told in the wife's situation. However you have no obligation to say anything and if you decide to stay quiet then don't feel guilty. This isn't your guilt it's his.

You clearly haven’t moved on, but you need to. Don’t be spiteful and unkind. It won’t help you.