To feel unsupported and misunderstood by work

[sajamor0811]

I've been struggling with my job for a while and a couple of weeks ago had a meltdown which resulted in me needing the rest of the day off. I had booked a doctor's appointment for stress the following week, during which three tricky anniversaries were coming up too.

I was back the next day and in the meantime had suggested doing admin only or having a week to revise procedures so I'd feel more confident. I was put on more admin and less phone work so can't say no accommodation at all was made.

I also wouldn't say the section leader I had a meeting with was totally unsupportive or not a nice person. But her emphasis of how the job was high pressure, was I suited to it and how more would get expected of me made me feel under more stress.

In fairness she did say she didn't want people working out of hours as I had been to stay on top of my workload and practise/revise procedures. Yet when I don't get time to do that in the working day what else can I do?

The following week I was then put back on the phones as much as before with no check of whether I felt ready for it or not. Nobody checked in on me to see how I was coping at any point or how the doctor's appointment went. I was on the whole enjoying the job and feeling more confident but isn't that by the by?

Then I had a review yesterday where it was said I'm still making too many mistakes. I again said it might be an idea for me to have time off the phones and revise. The attitude that got taken was it's a business where people have to be on the phones and I've been given help with procedures.

I don't dispute the latter but can't help thinking if I had time to concentrate on revising them without other pressures or distractions they'd go in better. Then when I said I'd spend the weekend genning up I was told to do that if it helped. Yet it's flying in the face of the "don't work in your free time" I was given. I just feel so confused.

I am filling in a form for an autism test as I wonder whether struggling to retain information is part of that. But I'm reluctant to say anything in case it looks like card playing for more probation time.

What do you do if you have no voice then?

This! Can you not see that the common denominator here may be you?!

Look for another job. High levels of stress can result in sorts of problems:- high blood pressure, anxiety and insomnia.

Which means your colleagues take more stressful phonecalls while you do the nicer part of the job?

When you say you are working overtime, do you mean that you have a target or a specified amount of work to do and while your colleagues complete it during their normal working hours, you don't and therefore you stay behind to finish it off? If so this isn't really unpaid overtime.

What jobs have you had before that you didn't feel stressed in?

I'd get job searching if I was op.

I doubt the probation will be passed.

If you haven't learned what to do on six months, why do you think a couple of extra hours will make much difference?

Also, how do you know those couple of hours off the phones doing asmin aren't what keeps your colleagues sane and able to do THEIR jobs to the best of their abilities?

I'd think you were a right cheeky fucker wanting to interfere with my workload because you couldn't do the job 6 months in. I'd wonder why you were still in post and what you were being paid for.

It won't work because your probation ends on June 10th? Say, they do give you two weeks (which they will not) it brings you up to the 2rd June and you then have only one week to show them that you can do the job (which isn't a certainty either). This extra training/lower targets is something that should have been addressed four months ago. It is too late.

@Riversideandrelax you have to be off sick

Hey OP, I’m so sorry you’re in this situation! It sounds really stressful and as someone who has continually had probation periods extended in almost every job I’ve had, I get it.
here’s the tough part- unfortunately jobs are sink and swim. Employers need the job doing and accommodations, extra training etc will only go so far.
also doing the bits of the job you like meaning everyone else does more phones impacts everyone else negatively. Usually people need their mix of tasks and your colleagues may like their down time of admin. If you’re doing that, and they have to constantly be on the phones, it will cause resentment. Saying that now, people will be bothered by it unfortunately.
if you’re having a meltdown etc at work basically you’re only going to be seen as a liability, it’s really harsh but it’s the way it works, and I’m saying this as someone who’s been in the same position as you. I’ve done customer service in a call centre, the expectations are high and I got negative feedback all the time! Passed my probation by the skin of my teeth but it was difficult
all things considered, I’d maybe look for a different role in admin in the council or a charity. But maybe spend some time doing some self reflection first- negative feedback is awful to hear and trust me I’ve had so much of it over the years. It’s too easy to shrug it off and say no, the problem is x or y or z but sometimes you need to just self reflect and think actually I probably am part of the problem. It’s hard not to internalise it but it’s not a measure of your self worth. Oh, find a work coach/mentor also to build up your confidence! Best of luck!
last thing I’ll say is some of the replies have been harsh, some of you need to admit you enjoy winding people up a little too much. Op is in a vulnerable position, a little tough love is fine but people have gone overboard here and are absolutely loving sticking the knife in, just walk away!

I'm really sorry you're struggling op, but I think you should look for a new job.

If you're on probation at this point it's likely you will not pass.

It'd be better for you long term to leave of your own accord than be let go.

This is overall sad, because the op can’t see that she cannot necessarily do the job. If 2 days didn’t help, why would a week or 2? If the procedures change all the time, it’s not learning them that’s needed but learning how to rapidly take on board updates. Which hasn’t been mentioned as your focus.
And as others said, none of this really helps your colleagues. It only helps you. It’s not doing your colleagues a favour to switch up your tasks so you try to improve, it’s your colleagues doing you a favour.

op if in general you find this harder to learn than most people, then if this is the job you want I’d expect you to have to try harder than other people, and put in some extra hours. That’s not you doing them a favour either. I’m sorry if that’s hard to take. You should also remember that not being good at a particular job is not in any way a judgement about you as a person, but it is easy for it to feel that way.

This thread is not good. Op accusing posters of bullying is not good. Many posters have a lot of understanding of ASD and many posts have been sympathetic.

But clearly this is not the right job for op and probation probably won't be passed. Once training has been completed and extra training requested, after 10 months if someone can't do the job, and kept referring to the need to 'revise', despite some reasonable adjustments having already been implemented, most companies would call time. Talk to manager one last time? How is the search for a new job going?

I agree that managers should be sympathetic to any difficulties that an individual employee is experiencing.

They also have to be as fair as possible to all their other staff. If changing one employee’s work pattern has an effect on other staff (e.g. changing the ratio of phone to admin), then it’s not something most managers would do, unless the circumstances were exceptional.

I think in this situation most managers would take the view that the OP needs more experience on the phone, not less. If I were the manager I’d try to find a way of temporarily reducing the expectations (e.g. more time between calls, easier calls) if possible. Hard to know without knowing the role, but there’s usually something that can be looked at.

So yes, employees should be treated with respect and sympathy. But sometimes they ask for things that managers aren’t willing to give them because of how it would affect other staff.

@sajamor0811 this sounds like you work as a receptionist in a GP surgery? Can be very stressful with continuous calls so most practices have staff on phones for limited time then picking up admin tasks to give them a break. There are lots of procedures to follow so it can be overwhelming at first.

Some people are just not suited to it.

So yes, employees should be treated with respect and sympathy. But sometimes they ask for things that managers aren’t willing to give them because of how it would affect other staff.

Yes. I've already said that I have reasonable adjustments at work through asd. These enable me to do my job. My son has reasonable adjustments at work to help him do his job for dyspraxia but none of these adjustments impact on our colleagues in any way whatsoever. They are measures put in place for us. The expectations of both of us are the same as they are of anyone else.

There are no concessions.

I have tried my level best at work to be as reasonable and accommodating as possible there as I'm sick of explaining here!

The team has benefitted in that I've been able to complete a workload/do extra and not had to pass things on to them

What the OP is finding it difficult to understand (and I have seen this is some other friends with asd) is that what she is currently suggesting benefits her but not her colleagues even though she keeps insisting that it does.

What would benefit her colleagues is working alongside someone who can do the job. She has already explained what her employer has done to support her but there is a limit to that and, at some point, she will just be told she cannot do the job.

OP, you keep saying that you have done overtime, which you have not demanded payment for. Unpaid overtime to complete tasks that everyone else completed during their work hours is not overtime. Overtime is paid when additional work has to be done and determined by your employer. It's not paid because you couldn't do the work in the tike allocated to everyone and which everyone else completed.

That's just you fulfilling the obligations of your contract to get the standard work done. It's not a favour to your colleagues that they didn't have to complete it instead because it was never their work to do.

My job does require a fair bit of unpaid overtime. It's the nature of it. I do more than many other people because it takes me longer to complete certain tasks and I need more time mentally to be able to switch from one aspect of it to another and because I'm at risk of burnout. I just accept this. My employer won't take some of these additional tasks from me because it's a requirement of the job.

Like I say, the expectations of me to perform are no different to anyone else. There are some things my employer can do to make certain aspects more accessible to me. And they do. But ultimately, I have to get my job done. And none of these impact in my colleagues in any way. They aren't even aware of them.

People pointing these things put are not people bullying you. It is people explaining how things are. I understand it doesn't make sense to you. It didn't make sense to my friend who has complained about every employer over the past few years - brought in unions, sought mediation etc in every job. She also didn't understand why they couldn't just be kind and nice and see how her suggestions would benefit everyone. But they wouldn't have done. They would only have benefitted others if they saw work through her lens and they didn't.

In the end, it just made her very unpopular in every workplace. People started avoiding her and she became isolated at work. It wasn't bullying by social exclusion (which she also claimed) it was people giving her a wide berth because she was problematic, kept complaining about them for spurious reasons and made their jobs harder.

OP OutOfTea has taken the time to write a detailed yet empathetic explanation of expectations from both your employers and colleagues viewpoints. I really hope you take the time to read and re-read her excellent post. It will help reset your mindset and hopefully clarify that this is not a failing on your part, it is simply not the right role for you.

I have a three people working for my company, two of whose are disabled and have adaptations to be able to to the job, I invested what was needed and always will.

The one thing that can't be compromised on, they have to be able to do the job required. Colleagues probably don't want their admin taking away, variety in the day helps.

Good post, @OutOfTea. OP, lots of us have colleagues who have adjustments in place to allow them to do their jobs with disabilities, but the bottom line is that they are able to do their job. I have a colleague with a serious progressive condition, for instance. He has been able to do his job until now, with adaptations and adjustments, but there will at some point in the future be a time when he will no longer be able to, because the illness compromises his speech.

Icehockeyflowers

MysteriousKor

Thanks. I would also add that I'm nearly 50 and only now feel settled in a job in a work place where I feel positive about it.

My anxiety around work is less and I can manage it. I'm permanently exhausted from the overwhelm and extra time it takes but it's worth it to me.

I also only really have the insight I have because I've had friends who have found it harder and expected more concessions from work when I've thought about how their expectations would impact me and how they would make my work life harder and not easier, I've been able to see it.

I suspect the OP doesn't have that insight yet. So I'm also assuming she's 20s/30s which, in autistic terms (because I strongly suspect she is even though she hasn't yet been assessed) is still 'young'.

I hope she comes back and can see that it isn't people having a go at her but trying to present a different perspective. Which, when you're autistic, can often feel like the same thing.

As a non work example from this morning. My partner has gone to a car boot sale with his daughter. He told me which one they were going to. He's just messaged and they went to a different one instead. My initial reaction was anxiety because he 'lied' to me and it had changed. It wasn't what I was expecting to hear.

Once I'd talked to myself, I realised they've just changed their minds! 🤣

But there was a time when that would have bothered and unsettled me all day. I still don't feel 'comfortable' with it but I know it's not a problem.

I lost an autistic friend once because I said I was probably staying in on a Friday night but then went out and he told me I wasnt the person he thought I was because I'd lied to him.

My point is, it's easy to get frustrated by autistic people when they are saying things like the OP is, but it takes a long time and a lot of support to be able to see it the way others do. Or to at least understand that your way isn't necessarily the right one for everyone.

@OutOfTea that’s such a good explanation of how things are perceived when you are Autistic, I can imagine my son taking both those situations as ‘lies’.

I suspect your problem will resolve itself in a few weeks.

You are not competent to do the job your employer is paying you for.

You expect your employer to remove the part of your job you find too difficult and replace it with easier tasks (to the detriment of your competent colleagues).

You have a "meltdown" in the workplace. I don't know what you mean by that, but I doubt it made your manager and colleagues warm to you.

If, in addition to the above you call people who tell you the truth in real life "bullies" you would not meet the criteria for "valuable employee" for most managers.

In fact, if I was your manager you would be out of the door before you could say "Failed probation".

The op is nearly 50

Aquamarine1029

The OP did not say her age which I suspect is much younger.

You are quoting another poster who gave very good advice to the OP based on her own experiences.

The op did give her age. She's nearly 50.

I apologise. I missed her post about her age.

That makes it even more difficult sadly.