To feel unsupported and misunderstood by work

[sajamor0811]

I've been struggling with my job for a while and a couple of weeks ago had a meltdown which resulted in me needing the rest of the day off. I had booked a doctor's appointment for stress the following week, during which three tricky anniversaries were coming up too.

I was back the next day and in the meantime had suggested doing admin only or having a week to revise procedures so I'd feel more confident. I was put on more admin and less phone work so can't say no accommodation at all was made.

I also wouldn't say the section leader I had a meeting with was totally unsupportive or not a nice person. But her emphasis of how the job was high pressure, was I suited to it and how more would get expected of me made me feel under more stress.

In fairness she did say she didn't want people working out of hours as I had been to stay on top of my workload and practise/revise procedures. Yet when I don't get time to do that in the working day what else can I do?

The following week I was then put back on the phones as much as before with no check of whether I felt ready for it or not. Nobody checked in on me to see how I was coping at any point or how the doctor's appointment went. I was on the whole enjoying the job and feeling more confident but isn't that by the by?

Then I had a review yesterday where it was said I'm still making too many mistakes. I again said it might be an idea for me to have time off the phones and revise. The attitude that got taken was it's a business where people have to be on the phones and I've been given help with procedures.

I don't dispute the latter but can't help thinking if I had time to concentrate on revising them without other pressures or distractions they'd go in better. Then when I said I'd spend the weekend genning up I was told to do that if it helped. Yet it's flying in the face of the "don't work in your free time" I was given. I just feel so confused.

I am filling in a form for an autism test as I wonder whether struggling to retain information is part of that. But I'm reluctant to say anything in case it looks like card playing for more probation time.

Is it a call centre? Time not to read procedures is common

I think it would be very inappropriate for your workplace to ask you how a doctor’s appointment went.

I have 'reasonable adjustments' (for ASD) in my job l so it's not something I'm unaware of.

Reasonable adjustments are there to enable you to do your job properly. They don't mean that you get to duck out of certain parts of the job.

If you can't do your job you need to leave and find one you can do. It's not fair to expect to get paid for a job you are not doing or for others to pick up the slack.

It sounds like two things:

Fundamentally, the job sounds unsuitable for you;

Your expectations of them in terms of support are unrealistic.

I think your section leader has had the right conversation with you tbh re whether you're suited to the role. You can't reasonably expect to have the phone aspect of a phone based job minimised/removed, find a job that means you're not on the phones. You can't expect them to give you lots of time to revise - all it sounds like you're doing is stalling the inevitable, you'll have to go back on the phones, it won't go well, you'll find yourself on a PIP pretty quickly.

Honestly OP there will be much more suitable job out there for you, put your energy into finding that perfect role rather than trying to persevere at one that's clearly not suitable.

If you need time to revise the procedures, take them home and do it there. Expecting them to give you time at work to do it is unreasonable because you have a job to do that you are getting paid for.

If you need more time than you've been given, do it in your own time.

How long have you been in the job?
Have you always struggled with these sort of tasks or is this something new?

Maybe ask for a referral to occupational health who might advise on how the employer can better support you?
On the whole though i think other posters are correct, this may not be a suitable job for you. If OH recommend adjustments it might make the job more bearable while you look for another.

I would like to add here that the temporary measures I asked for were not agreed as only being put in place till the end of the week. Basically they were only implemented for two days and then my fitness to cope with going back to work as it was didn't get checked on the Monday.

It's that I feel resentful of as other people coming back from illness or personal crisis have had their fitness checked and their job roles modified for as long as necessary. I also would never dream of telling somebody quite clearly on the edge that they're basically going to have to like or lump the job. The point I've been making is that when somebody is on the edge they need to be hauled back. If that means them having a bit of time out to build up their confidence then surely it's a worthwhile investment?

I certainly don't expect to pick and choose what I do in the job but I just think something is necessary here to help me cope and perform better.

Perhaps I could tweak the revision time to be 30 mins to 1 hour each day or after work but I felt it would be a worthwhile investment if I don't feel confident. It's my feelings I think are getting missed here and to be fair I have been the one to offer the middle ground. To be honest at the moment I feel I'm being presented with a choice of give up your free time (which they've said they don't want me to), lose your job and/or lose your sanity.

I'm assuming you're the OP who has changed name?

The difference is that people returning from work on a phased return with temporary adjustments are fundamentally capable of doing their job.

This is a time limited measure to ease their transition back into the work place for a specified period of time.

What you are saying is that you are unable to perform a fundamental part of your job at all without it causing you stress.

If you struggle to retain the procedures, a couple of days won't help that.

A reasonable adjustment there would be to have them accessible to you at all times. Or put into an easy to read flow chart, printed out and laminated at your workstation for ease of access..

The point I've been making is that when somebody is on the edge they need to be hauled back. If that means them having a bit of time out to build up their confidence then surely it's a worthwhile investment?

The problem is that they are your employer. Not your friends or your parents or even your teachers. Their support of you only extends to you as long as you are able to perform the role.

They are not employing you as a favour but because there is a job to do. If you can't do it, they don't need to keep employing you.

Agree with most others that your expectations of what an employer should do are off. Maybe you've heard a load about how companies are focusing on wellbeing and mental health but in reality few of them will put that over making profit and getting their money's worth from you.

Look for roles with less pressure and less phone work.

The problem for the OP though is that, even where companies do focus on well being, that doesn't extend to removing key responsibilities from their role.

They’ve employed you to do a job, to be brutally honest.
They don’t really expect to have to consider your feelings about your role (you’re not compelled to be there) / give you time off to revise procedures that you should presumably be up to speed with already / remove aspects of the role you don’t like.
Do you feel you’ve been given adequate training?
Are the colleagues who you expect to pick up the slack for you while you’re struggling to get to grips with the job on the same level as you, and have they had similar training?

OP, if you don't like your job then you do what everyone else does and find another one.

If that means them having a bit of time out to build up their confidence then surely it's a worthwhile investment?

It is absolutely a worthwhile investment if they have confidence in your ability to do the job well and contribute as a valueable employee. In this particular scenario, I suspect that they think you're unable to do the job and consequently there isn't much point in investing too heavily.

This sounds really hard OP.

A gentle suggestion that perhaps a telephone based role may not be best for someone with Autism (or someone who suspects some neurodivergence.

The good news is many other roles will suit you. How about something process driven and home-based?

OutOfTea It's much easier said than done getting a new job and bills have to be paid in the meantime. Also I didn't say I disliked the job - I said I had actually been enjoying it on the whole. I don't want to give up or lose it for that reason and have been fighting to keep it!

How long have you worked there, op?

OP, you haven't really explained why you were struggling with your job in the first place and what led to your meltdown. You haven't explained why you are making so many mistakes or why you need extra time to revise the procedures that your employer clearly thinks you should already know.

You want them to be more accommodating but you have acknowledged that they have already given you some time away from the phones and that you've had help with the procedures. You have acknowledged that the phones are a central part of the role.

What have you actually done so far to give your employers the confidence that you are going to turn this around?

Of course it's not easy but ultimately that's the solution.

And you say you've enjoyed it on the whole but you're struggling with the telephone aspect of it which it the main part. You've already had time off for stress.

As I said I have ASD and reasonable adjustments. The expectations of me are exactly the same as they are of anyone else. There are no concessions made for that at all. But things are put in place that make the parts of my job that are harder because of asd more accessible to me. And none of them involved me taking paid time away from my job to do.

I have had other friends who have experienced similar difficulties in jobs and have made demands/requests. One has had several jobs in as many years and ended up going to the union and making formal complaints in every one. Mostly because she can't understand why they're not more interested in her and her wellbeing. None has been upheld. Because in the end her requests aren't reasonable and she hasn't actually been able to fulfill the requirements of the job.

She's now somewhere that she's far more suited to and happy.

What I'm basically finding hard is remembering all the procedures and getting things done within the allotted time frame while maintaining quality. There are constantly tasks coming in on the back of calls as well as emails to answer. Then procedures and products regularly change

I'm having to work often 2 hours beyond the end of my shift to get everything done, which reduces my ability to retain or revise things. What tipped me over the edge was this bloke expressing a lack of confidence in me and really being quite arrogant - I would say ultimately he was the trigger and not the problem.

I certainly don't expect calls in a call facing job not to form the bulk of it. I just think there are better ways to build up confidence for handling it than emphasising pressure on you. I think I would still make a valuable contribution being temporarily more admin based - that would reduce others' workloads while helping me go back to more basics and build up confidence/ability.

What I'm basically finding hard is remembering all the procedures and getting things done within the allotted time frame while maintaining quality. There are constantly tasks coming in on the back of calls as well as emails to answer. Then procedures and products regularly change

What you're finding hard is your job.

It does sound harsh to say it but that's an awful lot of the main requirements of your job that you're not currently able to meet.

You’re talking about redefining your role (and crucially, the role of your colleagues) to suit yourself, op.
You can’t hand over aspects of your job to someone else so you can concentrate on the parts you feel you’re good at.
Especially when the part you’re trying to palm off is a fundamental part of the role.
Think about it.

This doesn't sound like the job for you. They don't need to build your confidence or the things you are asking for. If you can't perform the core function of the role then you are not meeting the job specifications.

TeaandScandal I really find that comment quite offensive, tbh. I resent being basically called a self indulgent, buck passing spoilt brat.

If I wasn't a team player I wouldn't work at least 10 hours per week more than my contracted ones. I would have given up long since. I wouldn't be revising procedures over the weekend as I currently am trying to do despite a migraine. All I've asked for is a very short term measure I feel would benefit everyone long term and which I as a manager would look into!

I agree with this.

OP, do you feel confident to speak with your manager about your workload? Doing your role, but with temporarily reduced quantity?

I think you need to book a meeting with your manage to have a frank conversation about how you're coping with workload. It may be that you simply aren't suited to the role. Or it may be that they'd be prepared to provide additional time for learning so that you can get up to the speed of your colleagues.