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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel unsupported and misunderstood by work

238 replies

sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 10:31

I've been struggling with my job for a while and a couple of weeks ago had a meltdown which resulted in me needing the rest of the day off. I had booked a doctor's appointment for stress the following week, during which three tricky anniversaries were coming up too.

I was back the next day and in the meantime had suggested doing admin only or having a week to revise procedures so I'd feel more confident. I was put on more admin and less phone work so can't say no accommodation at all was made.

I also wouldn't say the section leader I had a meeting with was totally unsupportive or not a nice person. But her emphasis of how the job was high pressure, was I suited to it and how more would get expected of me made me feel under more stress.

In fairness she did say she didn't want people working out of hours as I had been to stay on top of my workload and practise/revise procedures. Yet when I don't get time to do that in the working day what else can I do?

The following week I was then put back on the phones as much as before with no check of whether I felt ready for it or not. Nobody checked in on me to see how I was coping at any point or how the doctor's appointment went. I was on the whole enjoying the job and feeling more confident but isn't that by the by?

Then I had a review yesterday where it was said I'm still making too many mistakes. I again said it might be an idea for me to have time off the phones and revise. The attitude that got taken was it's a business where people have to be on the phones and I've been given help with procedures.

I don't dispute the latter but can't help thinking if I had time to concentrate on revising them without other pressures or distractions they'd go in better. Then when I said I'd spend the weekend genning up I was told to do that if it helped. Yet it's flying in the face of the "don't work in your free time" I was given. I just feel so confused.

I am filling in a form for an autism test as I wonder whether struggling to retain information is part of that. But I'm reluctant to say anything in case it looks like card playing for more probation time.

OP posts:
TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 22:50

You’re just not listening, op.
I can quite imagine how frustrating working with you must be.

sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 22:52

You're not listening and you're also one of the worst culprits for bullying me here. If you behave like this in your own workplace to your own colleagues I hope you're soon sacked!

OP posts:
TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 22:53

Excuse me?!

DoreenonTill8 · 18/05/2024 22:55

You're not being 'ripped to pieces' people are are just not agreeing with your want to not do a significant part of your job. And that you not doing your job is of benefit to your colleagues.

sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 22:55

You have been a bully - you've basically taken out of context what I've said and used it as a derogatory cosh on me! I have not said I don't want to do any part of the job but just 1 hour a day more of one aspect!

OP posts:
Pricedoutpenny · 18/05/2024 22:57

@Quiteavibe can you tell me where you see these jobs please? I'm looking myself for something lowish stress and working from home

DoreenonTill8 · 18/05/2024 22:57

sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 22:52

You're not listening and you're also one of the worst culprits for bullying me here. If you behave like this in your own workplace to your own colleagues I hope you're soon sacked!

How on earth is @TeaandScandal bullying you?? If you're this irrational at work then I can't see things changing.

sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 22:59

@DoreenonTill8 You've not been much better, either, distorting my words and refusing to listen to them!

OP posts:
TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 22:59

Right, I’m out…
Good luck to you, op. You’re going to need it.

LordSnot · 18/05/2024 23:03

You're being really out of order OP. If you talk to people like this at work, it'll be a big part of the reason they aren't going out of their way to help you succeed.

DoreenonTill8 · 18/05/2024 23:06

TeaandScandal · 18/05/2024 22:59

Right, I’m out…
Good luck to you, op. You’re going to need it.

Ditto!

sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 23:07

@LordSnot I have been pushed over the edge here by constant abuse and misrepresentation; I have tried my level best at work to be as reasonable and accommodating as possible there as I'm sick of explaining here!

OP posts:
LordSnot · 18/05/2024 23:13

You were also pushed to the edge at work. Maybe the problem isn't everybody else.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/05/2024 23:19

Op, no one is bullying you here, and you seem to be completely incapable of any kind of self-reflection. When basically everyone responding in this thread is trying to tell you the exact same thing, you may want to pay attention.

FrogTheWarrior · 18/05/2024 23:22

LordSnot · 18/05/2024 23:13

You were also pushed to the edge at work. Maybe the problem isn't everybody else.

I live by this: if it’s literally everyone else - actually, it’s me.

The job’s not for you OP. Your employer knows it already, time to catch up with their thinking pretty quick and plan your next move. Getting signed off with stress isn’t going to save you either. I’m not really sure what you’re hoping to achieve by going to your GP, but waving it under your employer’s nose wasn’t a good strategic move.

I hope you find something that makes you happier and healthier.

Noideawhatshappening · 18/05/2024 23:23

sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 23:07

@LordSnot I have been pushed over the edge here by constant abuse and misrepresentation; I have tried my level best at work to be as reasonable and accommodating as possible there as I'm sick of explaining here!

OP, I think it might be time to step away from this thread. It's clearly not helping you. Might it be worth seeing your GP again?

On the work side of things, I think you can see the very large majority of posters have said a similar thing - that you don't sound suited to this role. Now they may all be wrong. But that's a lot of people who have a perfectly independent view who have given you the same advice. I really try to reflect on opinions that I'm given, especially when it's so many saying the same thing. I might not want to hear it, it may be something I disagree with but usually that's the most important one to listen to.

Good luck

neilyoungismyhero · 18/05/2024 23:23

Realistically I've found it takes around 3 months to really really crack a role if it's a bit of a tricky one, but during those 12 weeks you pick up a lot going forward. To be fair you've had 6 months and you're still pretty much wallowing and expecting more and more support at the expense of others.
Maybe this isn't a good role for you. If I were you I would start looking around for admin only roles in case they decide in June that you're not quite up to the position anyway.
I once took on a role as a personal shopper to accommodate a particular happening in my life (the hours suited).
I'm an intelligent enough person who can easily master admin and various software programmes but I was bloody hopeless as a PP. Each to our own strengths.

DrBlackbird · 18/05/2024 23:45

sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 23:07

@LordSnot I have been pushed over the edge here by constant abuse and misrepresentation; I have tried my level best at work to be as reasonable and accommodating as possible there as I'm sick of explaining here!

Surely you know that a certain portion of MN posters enjoy berating and scolding people when they’re down? They love getting a good kick in. The key is to ignore them and focus on the sensible advice.

You mentioned an autism assessment. Did you know that perfectionism and sensitivity to criticism can often be part of the autistic mindset? Both may be working against you at work (and possibly even here on MN). But if you can get an assessment asap then you have grounds to make a request for reasonable adjustment. Struggling to retain information might mean you have a corresponding SpLD as ADHD is often found in autistic people.

If you read up more on both of those, then you can find helpful advice on managing at work. The main thing now is to keep doing extra hours to revise because you want the job and you want to pass probation and you need to convince your line manager that you can do the job. Best of luck 💐

pinkdelight · 18/05/2024 23:47

- I would have just thought that if someone has found it hard to cope you make sure they can before throwing them back into a pressure cooker.

I think it's on you to say if you can't cope and to not go back into the pressure cooker. They gave you the opportunity to do that in the conversation about whether you were suited to the job. The truth is that you're not and want an admin job, which doesn't exist at this company. You need to look for one elsewhere. Like it or not, the job you were hired for is what you're seeing as the pressure cooker. They're not throwing you into it. If you don't want to do it, they won't make you. But there isn't really this other option to stay in your job while not doing your job. Certainly not while still on probation. I would assume that you're unlikely to pass probation which will be upsetting but ultimately a relief and the right thing so you can start pursuing more appropriate and less stressful roles right away. Good luck.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 19/05/2024 00:01

sajamor0811 · 18/05/2024 18:49

What I'm basically finding hard is remembering all the procedures and getting things done within the allotted time frame while maintaining quality. There are constantly tasks coming in on the back of calls as well as emails to answer. Then procedures and products regularly change

I'm having to work often 2 hours beyond the end of my shift to get everything done, which reduces my ability to retain or revise things. What tipped me over the edge was this bloke expressing a lack of confidence in me and really being quite arrogant - I would say ultimately he was the trigger and not the problem.

I certainly don't expect calls in a call facing job not to form the bulk of it. I just think there are better ways to build up confidence for handling it than emphasising pressure on you. I think I would still make a valuable contribution being temporarily more admin based - that would reduce others' workloads while helping me go back to more basics and build up confidence/ability.

I am autistic and work in a call center, not because I love it, but because I have bills to pay and also I would not survive in many other environments if I'm being quite honest.

Employers are not very clued up on how autism works.

They don't understand that autism means that you might require a strict routine or schedule, that you may have issues with executive function be that task initiation or task completion or both, they don't understand that because of rigid thinking it can be hard to switch between tasks, and they don't understand that what NT people can do as routine or a singular task flow we see as individual tasks ie. Answering the call, answering each individual query, writing the notes, completing the notes, placing orders, visiting individual tabs, swapping between talking to typing and typing to talking. They are all tasks. They also don't understand sensory overwhelm. We use our 8 senses every day. Touch, taste, smell, sight, sound, interception, proprioception and vestibular. Because our brains can often lack the ability to filter out the information being delivered to us through these senses it is easy to become overwhelmed and overstimulated.

An example from my own workplace that I'll give is that my workplace use a central knowledge base for all important updates but in order to catch people's attention they use bold colours, a lot of pop arty style graphics, use a large variety of different texts and backgrounds and a lot of hyperlinks to other sources of information which means sometimes we have to have multiple tabs with all of this visual stimuli on, and they want us to read through this while we're in meetings or on a call, and I have to point out that I can either process what I'm seeing or I can process what I'm hearing, it's really hard for me to do both at the same time with the level of focus that they require.

It is the method of delivery of this information and how they allow me to process this information that is indicative of whether it's successfully implemented by myself.

Too much stimuli and I will go into shut down mode and nobody will get much from me.

The thing with autism is it is a different neurotype and whether some autistic people believe it or not, it is disabling and therefore a disability.

I have worked in other areas and found that the call centre work from home environment allows me to control a lot of sensory input to perform my best but the job itself is really difficult to do because I am autistic.

I, like you, sometimes, or often, rather, spend time out of my contracted hours playing catch up for things people do in their working hours, and a reduced workflow was requested as a reasonable adjustment as I work for a large organisation, international even, and the workload can easily be spread with it making very little difference to any ones day. However what I really need are better tools and strategies provided to me by my workplace to level the playing field. Both things can be achieved with things like requesting breaks are spread out across the day, access to urgent personal time offline when I am overwhelmed, better training and understanding of the effects of burnout for management so they can better manage my performance and work with me to achieve my targets, and less micromanaging as it is very square peg in a round hole. I am capable of doing the job, but if they aren't willing to provide an accessible way of viewing their procedures then I need my own processes for this and if it reaps the desired outcome they need to get off my back.

Sadly, I am off sick, again because my needs at work aren't being met however I do fully recognise that my employer could do their absolute darndest to try and meet those needs with the resources they have available and sometimes it still won't be enough, as thar is par for the course with autism.

My employer does value staff welfare, and holds regular welfare meetings and I do think more employers should hold welfare meetings, but they don't pry for specifics, they just make sure they're following the right procedures for time frames for occupational health referrals, sick notes etc.

k1233 · 19/05/2024 00:43

You've been in the role for 6 months.

You're asking for an extra 1-2 hrs per day for the next two weeks on admin instead of phones to "hone" your knowledge.

Do you realistically think 10 hrs will improve knowledge you haven't gained in the 1000 odd hours you've already been in the role?

That's how your manager will be looking at this. They need to balance additional assistance with a short term request suddenly becoming the status quo. Because people do that. They don't know you well enough to know if you are one of those people, but your expectations regarding backing off the phones, someone asking how a personal medical appointment went and other things in your OP, make experienced managers nervous.

What can you do to keep your job? I'd recommend speaking with your manager and noting the recent feedback. Clarify what is expected to improve and ask for guidance on how to do that. If 10 hours doing admin will make a substantial difference, you can knock that over in one weekend.

KomodoOhno · 19/05/2024 00:43

It seems like this is not a good fit for you or your employer. Honestly it's a business and they need someone to do the job. Maybe this is a good time to figure out what type of job you can do and be happy with.

KomodoOhno · 19/05/2024 00:46

Entered too fast. I know someone similar. She ended up sacked. We all thought she'd made the biggest mistake of her career. But guess what she landed her dream job and couldn't be happier. This job isn't for you but the right one is out there.

TinyYellow · 19/05/2024 00:50

People disagreeing with you does not make them bullies, or mean that they aren’t listening.

You are not being ripped to shreds. Points are being repeated because you aren’t taking them on board and seem unable to see any point of view other than your own.

InWalksBarberalla · 19/05/2024 00:54

As you are still on probation it's unlikely the workplace will agree to a short term measure of a change in role nearing the end of that probation (how long is the probation period?). They'll want confidence you can do the standard job over the long term before they approve the end of probation.

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