To feel unsupported and misunderstood by work

[sajamor0811]

I've been struggling with my job for a while and a couple of weeks ago had a meltdown which resulted in me needing the rest of the day off. I had booked a doctor's appointment for stress the following week, during which three tricky anniversaries were coming up too.

I was back the next day and in the meantime had suggested doing admin only or having a week to revise procedures so I'd feel more confident. I was put on more admin and less phone work so can't say no accommodation at all was made.

I also wouldn't say the section leader I had a meeting with was totally unsupportive or not a nice person. But her emphasis of how the job was high pressure, was I suited to it and how more would get expected of me made me feel under more stress.

In fairness she did say she didn't want people working out of hours as I had been to stay on top of my workload and practise/revise procedures. Yet when I don't get time to do that in the working day what else can I do?

The following week I was then put back on the phones as much as before with no check of whether I felt ready for it or not. Nobody checked in on me to see how I was coping at any point or how the doctor's appointment went. I was on the whole enjoying the job and feeling more confident but isn't that by the by?

Then I had a review yesterday where it was said I'm still making too many mistakes. I again said it might be an idea for me to have time off the phones and revise. The attitude that got taken was it's a business where people have to be on the phones and I've been given help with procedures.

I don't dispute the latter but can't help thinking if I had time to concentrate on revising them without other pressures or distractions they'd go in better. Then when I said I'd spend the weekend genning up I was told to do that if it helped. Yet it's flying in the face of the "don't work in your free time" I was given. I just feel so confused.

I am filling in a form for an autism test as I wonder whether struggling to retain information is part of that. But I'm reluctant to say anything in case it looks like card playing for more probation time.

The meltdown I had wasn't walking out because someone said something I didn't like. It was being reduced to uncontrollable tears and feeling I couldn't take any more because of a straw breaking the camel's back. I honestly felt I was on the verge of a breakdown.

Fair enough - maybe, maybe not. But from the sounds of it she's got a month left before they'll decide to sack her or extend probation. What have they got to lose by trying her suggestion? She's clearly not managing the calls workload at the moment. So they try her way and it doesn't work they've lost nothing. They don't try her suggestion and she gets pushed over the edge again and has another meltdown = possible effect on team morale/customer confidence. Or they try her way it helps - positive for everyone. Or they get a meeting with OH set up and see if they have any suggestions. I just don't understand the idea of doing nothing.

Which should be a very clear sign that you need to find a different job.

The point is, OP, your company isn't willing to agree to this. They may have very good reason for that, or they may not. It doesn't matter what anyone on MN thinks because they don't want to follow that particular suggestion so it's dead in the water. Time to come up with a Plan B. What else can you do to get up to speed so that you can demonstrate your competence by the end of your probation period. How can you turn this around?

So during that 20 hours off the phones (2 hrs x 10 days) , what would you specifically be doing differently, to what you have done in your own time, during the last six months?
If it sounds like you will be doing more of the same, you can see why your work would not support it

Yet her work just want to do more of the same?

What I understood from what OP has said is due to not being completely up to speed she is spending about 2 extra hours at work so she is able to keep on top of her work load and also doing some extra admin to help her learn. She is then spending her evenings and weekends revising.

However, she is finding this routine very stressful and tiring and due to that she is not being able to retain the information. One consequence of this stress was the meltdown at work. She also wonders if autism could be at play.

She has suggested that if she could have a week or 2 where her stress and tiredness could be reduced she would be able to retain what she needs to in order to work to the best of her ability.

But do you think you are suitable for the job? The actual job that is stressful?

Op
I don't want be unkind here but as a manager I think the likelihood of you being kept on after your probation is vanishingly small. It would be lovely if businesses could be kind and accommodating but the reality is they simply want someone who can do the job without any drama.
It's totally clear that you have tried your absolute best and you've nothing to feel bad about. This role simply isn't for you. Focus your energy now on doing interviews and applying for other admin based jobs and hopefully you'll have something lined up up by the time this role ends

The problems I can see is firstly, if I was your employer, I would be concerned that having done two weeks of less phones/more admin you would be in exactly the same position. There's nothing you have written except your own conviction that says to me that two weeks doing more admin will mean you are not making mistakes/getting stressed on the phone.
I can see you believe that, I think you desperately want it to be true, but I suspect in two weeks' time you'll be saying either "oh it works so well for me and no one minds" or "give me another two weeks."

Secondly, if you are right at the phone part is more stressful, and the admin is more relaxing, I'm burning out the rest of the team. And if they're not burning out, they may be getting resentful, which is bad for morale.
I mean, I have a job and there's parts I love and parts I do because they need to be done. If the parts I love were removed, even temporarily, it would make me question the job being for me. As above I would also have the nervous feeling that having agreed to it for two weeks, it would become another two week, and then another month and before you know it, that's a permanent thing.

But the thing that stands out for me is that you seem to think it's going to be better for them for you to stay, even if they have to support you.
The thing is, that actually it isn't, unless they won't be able to get anyone else in for your job, because they would hope that they'll get someone who doesn't need extra support.

Because for two weeks, on top of the days you’ve already had, they are having to do more than their fair share. They receive no benefit to this.

They already have a fair expectation that everyone should be able to pull their weight, especially after six months in the role. Your plan benefits you and you alone.

I haven’t said anything about selfish, you are projecting that.

This is a good summary of the situation. Sadly, it just underlines the OP's unsuitability for the post.

Even after all of the efforts and extra hours that the OP has invested, as well as the help that her employer has offered, she still doesn't know what she needs to know and the job is proving incredibly stressful for her.

If I were the employer in this situation, bearing in mind that there is no open suggestion of possible neurodiversity, I would have zero confidence that a few extra hours of admin would fix the problem.

The stress and tiredness associated with the additional hours are a direct result of her unsuitability for the role, and not the cause of it - she is only having to invest that extra time because she is struggling.

If she really believes that autism may be a factor, then her best bet would be to share this information with her employer in the hope that they might investigate further adjustments that could be made, but doggedly clinging to a suggested amendment to her duties that her employer has already said won't work for them is not going to help her.

You wouldn't suggest somebody with a leg injury worked on their feet all day for the time being!

I’ll use that analogy to explain my thoughts.

1. I’ve never done a standing job before. There’s nothing wrong with my ankle, but I’m not fit and used to standing on it. If you let me have 2 weeks of doing more of other people’s sitting down tasks, I’ll have a chance to build up the strength and it’s all sorted
2. I actually have a long term medical issue with weak joints, but given time for physio, I’ll be fine in 3 months
3. I don’t have an ankle, I do have a go at standing, but I keep falling over, and have a week of sitting down is not going to grow me a new ankle

You’re describing it like you’re #1, but it’s coming across like it’s #3. And if it is, you need to either be looking for entirely different reasonable adjustments, or accepting that the job isn’t a fit for you.

OP, I’m so sorry this has been your experience and that you’ve been struggling with this. Working unpaid overtime certainly isn’t the actions of someone who doesn’t care, it’s quite the opposite! Someone bringing up whether the job is right for you, is usually a sign that they aren’t confident in your current performance. If your employment is under two years you sadly don’t have many rights legally e.g. you don’t necessarily have the right to a verbal, written warning or have the option of a performance improvement plan from your employer. I would just check your contract and see if you have a PILON clause (Payment in Lieu of Notice) which allows them to just end your employment contract without notice and in return they’ll pay you a sum of money (it’s usually a couple of weeks). If they won’t agree to your suggested training plan I’d expect that they aren’t willing to put more resources into your development and that they are expecting you to be able to do the job without any enhanced training. If you don’t meet these expectations I imagine they’ll serve notice before the end of your probation or activate the PILON clause if you’re out of probation (and if you have one). So my only advice is look after yourself, protect yourself and put yourself first. Read the room and if you need to start looking for something else then please do. You sound like a really dedicated and loyal employee, so I really hope things improve for you.

just a bit more admin based by an hour or two each day for just a week or two

That’s a range from 5 hours to 20 though!
I really think you need to be targeted and realistic about what you need to succeed in the role. If you say that line, it won’t inspire confidence that it’s going to make a difference.

If you really only needed an hour a day for a week, you have time for that - and in my opinion, that’s worth unpaid time to do, though I know some would disagree.

Think about what’s really going to make a difference. A mentor? 1:1 with your manager weekly to review the tasks to build confidence? A different training approach? (e.g. if you’re just reading them and that doesn’t stick, is there a super user that could go through them with you?) It’s hard to make suggestions not knowing what you’re trying to learn…

Or a different approach… is the material fine but you don’t actual have study skills that work for you? I mean like if you’re reading the same thing over and over and it doesn’t stick, it may be that you need more active learning - flash cards, look-cover-write, tests etc. no-one is born knowing how to revise and we’re all different. So it might be that you don’t need 20 hours of reading, but 5 hours of a friend asking you, “explain how you would answer xyz”

OP, I think you may need to look at this in a different way. It isn't good for you to stay in a job that doesn't suit you. It will cause you untold stress and anxiety if you keep trying to squeeze yourself as a square peg into a round whole.

We all have strengths and weaknesses. There are loads of jobs that I could never do, and that doesn't make be inadequate, it just means that my talents are better used elsewhere. You clearly have a strong work ethic and there will no doubt be things that you're really good at. Rather than flogging a dead horse, take this as a valuable learning opportunity that can help you to better identify the kind of work that will make you thrive. If this job isn't right for you, what kind of role would suit you?

You will be much better off in the long term doing something that actually suits you well. I wish you all the best.

How is other people doing your job helping them? Or accommodating them?

It’s baffling the way op continues to insist that these proposed changes benefit everyone equally.

People are being a bit cruel on this thread, my team is similar, there are employees who prefer phones less admin and vice versa. We each play to our strengths and the job gets done. We have had people temp step away from some aspects due to their personal circumstances. We all just get in with it.

What if there's a task no-one wants to do?

It sounds quite chaotic, tbh. I don’t know how this could work efficiently long term.

Or indeed, fairly.

It depends on the job though

My job is phone based. Everyone wants email time but 95% of our job is phone time
They can't even put us on emails if we have no voice so it wouldn't be an option as my job is to take phone calls and the emails are just a side thing

That may work for your employer, it absolutely would not work for most or many. You are hired knowing you have to perform at a certain level and what is expected of you in your new role. If you aren't able to manage this after six months, it isn't the job for you, and telling someone that is not being cruel.

Can you take time off ? Do you get full pay ? It seems to me you might need time to consider your options away from the stress . I can kid of understand where they are coming from as they might feel you can’t do the job and are wondering if it will be along term issue . this being said it’s no way of dealing with a team member imo . I value all my team members and if they have an issue I will always do my best to help .

I have at no point said I want anybody doing my job for me. I have just suggested an extremely short term measure which would help embed things better and enable me to do them equally to other people the same as them long term. I'm sick of how little understanding there seems to be from a lot of you about my words, my intentions, my situation or for that matter my basic rights on how to be treated. This forum is feeling more and more like a lion's den with me being ripped to pieces!