To feel unsupported and misunderstood by work

[sajamor0811]

I've been struggling with my job for a while and a couple of weeks ago had a meltdown which resulted in me needing the rest of the day off. I had booked a doctor's appointment for stress the following week, during which three tricky anniversaries were coming up too.

I was back the next day and in the meantime had suggested doing admin only or having a week to revise procedures so I'd feel more confident. I was put on more admin and less phone work so can't say no accommodation at all was made.

I also wouldn't say the section leader I had a meeting with was totally unsupportive or not a nice person. But her emphasis of how the job was high pressure, was I suited to it and how more would get expected of me made me feel under more stress.

In fairness she did say she didn't want people working out of hours as I had been to stay on top of my workload and practise/revise procedures. Yet when I don't get time to do that in the working day what else can I do?

The following week I was then put back on the phones as much as before with no check of whether I felt ready for it or not. Nobody checked in on me to see how I was coping at any point or how the doctor's appointment went. I was on the whole enjoying the job and feeling more confident but isn't that by the by?

Then I had a review yesterday where it was said I'm still making too many mistakes. I again said it might be an idea for me to have time off the phones and revise. The attitude that got taken was it's a business where people have to be on the phones and I've been given help with procedures.

I don't dispute the latter but can't help thinking if I had time to concentrate on revising them without other pressures or distractions they'd go in better. Then when I said I'd spend the weekend genning up I was told to do that if it helped. Yet it's flying in the face of the "don't work in your free time" I was given. I just feel so confused.

I am filling in a form for an autism test as I wonder whether struggling to retain information is part of that. But I'm reluctant to say anything in case it looks like card playing for more probation time.

I'm not saying it is their fault - I'm trying to find short term middle ground which leads to a better long term outcome for everyone. If I fail my probation or have to quit they will be a person down and much worse off than if I'm still doing phone and admin work. The aim is not to duck out of phone work but hone my skills for it in a way which still helps people.

They do not need to ask you about a doctors appointment, in fact they should not. It is your responsibility to tell them if there is a problem that affects your work.

In comparing yourself to someone who has been off sick and then had a return to work programme, I’m afraid you’re not making a like for like comparison. You’re on probation, that’s the time you have to prove you can do the job. Employees who have completed probation, and then at a later stage go off sick, it’s worth the company putting more effort in to their return to work. They’ve invested in them and they’re getting them back to their high standard. You haven’t proved you’re capable of that standard yet.

Im afraid I think that, while it doesn’t necessarily sound like the best managed place, I think your expectations are too high. Personally, I would do more than your manager has, but I do not work in a high pressure customer facing environment.

Also reasonable adjustments aren't about what's "fair" to the rest of the team. It's about what can be done to enable disabled people to function and work to the best of their ability and even the playing field.

You sound like the adhd part of me. With reasonable adjustments in place, i outperform most of my colleagues. Without reasonable adjustments, i was really struggling.

I've worked there round about six months. The sacrifices I'm referring to are my evenings and weekends. The team has benefitted in that I've been able to complete a workload/do extra and not had to pass things on to them. Also when I am picking up part of their workload short term to help them long term I don't see how I'm being selfish or unfair.

I'm a good person trying my very, VERY best here and I'm finding it extremely upsetting how many of you are making out differently. If I was that unreasonable and selfish I would have been told by now in my day to day life!

Why are you repeatedly not answering how long you have been there?
edit: we’ve literally posted at the same time and you have now said

Have you actually not been given enough training on the products and procedures - or do you need a longer period than most, do you think, to understand them?

Hold on; you’re picking up part of your colleagues work load to help them out?
What??

Also when I am picking up part of their workload short term to help them long term I don't see how I'm being selfish or unfair.

Maybe the rest of the team don’t want you taking the admin off them, because they want to keep the mix of tasks that they signed up to? The calls works sounds the most intense part, from what you’ve said. So if you do less of that - somebody must be doing more of it.

The thing is, OP, you can decide what you think is best for you.

What you can't decide is what is best for the company. You think that your employer will be much worse off if you fail probation and they are a person down. They may be thinking that they don't want to saddle themselves with a problematic employee who has somehow passed probation despite not being able to do the job.

Best case scenario for you at this point would probably be an extension of your probation period. The more likely option is that they will terminate before that. Unfortunately, it just doesn't seem like you're suited to this job. And yes, if you're neurodivergent and/or struggling with your mental health etc, they need to put in reasonable adjustments. The difficulty here is that the types of adjustment that you're proposing really don't sound very reasonable.

You shouldn't be working in the evenings and weekends. You don't get paid for that.

I would be picking up part of their admin workload if my suggestion was picked up on. I've also done extra emails and bill workings in the overtime I've never demanded a penny for!

You sound like you’re really struggling, and I’m genuinely sorry about that.
You’ve got to lose the mindset that you working overtime and weekends in order to complete your job requirements is in any way beneficial to your team, though.
It’s unsustainable and shouldn’t be necessary at any point.
Certainly not at six whole months in.
It’s not going to get any easier for you, is it?

I would be picking up part of their admin workload if my suggestion was picked up on.

You can't insist on changing someone else's role to suit you better.

I've also done extra emails and bill workings in the overtime I've never demanded a penny for!

Well that's just daft. Why are you working for free?

The thing is you're expecting a lot from them after only 6 months and in your probation period. And presumably everyone else there had to manage under the same conditions/training and this wasn't set out just to target you. It seems like the completely wrong job for you. If it's causing you this much stress and anxiety in only 6 months can you not see that you aren't suited to the job. I don't think the company owes you anything actually.

And they’d be picking up your phone work 🤷🏻‍♀️
It doesn’t work for anyone but you.

You don't seem a good fit for this job and after 6 months you shouldn't be needing a hand hold over it.

I think you should look for something else as you don't seem to be able to get up to the expected speed to complete tasks, or deal with the reality of the job.

Are all the other employees managing to complete their work without staying hours late every night?

I would be picking up part of their admin workload if my suggestion was picked up on

But why do you think that’s a good thing for them? If you do an hour of someone’s admin, they don’t get to knock off early on the same pay! No, they have to do even more of the harder phone work that you’re trying to avoid! Most people are happier on their job when they have a mix of tasks. If you were allowed to cherry pick the easy parts, the rest of the team would soon be (rightly) complaining!

But that's not the job that you were hired to do, OP. If they had wanted someone to just do admin instead of handling calls, then they would have hired someone with that job description.

Nobody is saying that you're a bad person at all, but you need to understand that you aren't doing your colleagues a favour by offering to do a job that they don't need you to do. As others have said, if you're doing more admin and no phones, that will shift the balance for the rest of the team more towards the phones, which you've been clear are the more challenging and stressful part of the job. How is that fair to the other staff?

And yes, if they fail you on probation, they will be a person down and that will temporarily increase the burden on everyone. However, they would then have the option of recruiting a new employee that could do all aspects of the role. Whereas if they keep you, they will be worried that they will be stuck with someone that can only do the easiest bits of the job.

I am not saying this to be mean, OP, but I think you need to understand your employer's likely perspective on the situation. And I mean this kindly, but it genuinely doesn't sound like the right kind of job for you. Do you really want to stay in a role where you are constantly stressed because you can't meet the expectations of the role? That isn't in anyone's interests.

I've also done extra emails and bill workings in the overtime I've never demanded a penny for!

You can’t demand overtime pay for something no-one asked you to do.

But I don’t even understand this… if you feel you need to use your own unpaid time to revise the procedures, why aren’t you doing just that - not sodding around with other emails and bill calculations?

I don't see this as a personal vendetta against me and I'm not saying I'm owed. I'm just trying to find a way to keep my job and make sure I'm better at it/making a better contribution long term. What I meant was doing an hour or two's more admin and less phonework a day. At no point did I say I wanted to do wholly admin.

I am nearly 50 and haven't fulfilled the potential I would like so want to make a go of this. And the point I keep making over and over is it's a short term suggestion - not demand - to help long term. If it helps me be on a par with other people and prevents the team being one down how is that a bad thing?

Testina I didn't mean I was going to demand pay and the extra work was done as procedural revision rather than reading notes. It wasn't sodding around at all - it was done to improve my knowledge and lessen the team's workload. The reading notes was done alongside it, too but I've just felt lately I might need to do more of that.

You’re six months in, op.
How much longer would you estimate you need to be on a par with your team?

I’m really not trying to be cruel here, because it’s clear you’re struggling and that’s truly awful.

But to be completely real with you - if your probation ends in June and you’re asking for changes to the role/accommodations, temporary or otherwise - I’d be inclined to say they’re going to fail it.

Towards the back end of someone’s probation what they’re looking for is full competency, without the need for rehashing of training or time out to revise - by now it’s the expectation that most can just… get on with it.

I know that’s upsetting maybe, but personally, I’d look for another job that doesn’t have elements you need removing when things are hard, because sometimes things will be hard and work expectations won’t change.

Look, if you’re nearly 50, do you have a good idea of how well you’re able to retain information? Or is this quite a different role for you?

If you just take a bit longer than others, a short term decision to revise at home in your own time is a good one. Some people here will disagree with doing anything that’s not on paid time - but that’s my personal view.

Not working extra permanently, just if you need a day of quietly reading procedures to nail it, I’d do it.

But if you actually can’t retain the info (autism related or not) then your suggestion of extra time won’t help. Then you need to look at alternatives - like someone said, flow charts for example. But you also need to be honest with yourself if it’s the right job for you. I couldn’t be a sales rep or a car mechanic, no matter how many unpaid hours I put in!

extra work was done as procedural revision rather than reading notes

I’m struggling to understand what you’re actually needing to do. Like a previous poster, I first thought that by revising procedures you meant your job was to review and amend procedure. But then it sounded like you meant revising them as in learning. But isn’t that reading notes?

I get it. You want to keep the job. Fair enough. And it's good that you don't see it as a personal vendetta against you.

But the way to keep the job is to show that you can DO the job, as it was originally written. Not to ask them to shift the balance away from the bits that you don't like.

If all you need is a bit of revision, then spend a weekend going over what you need to know and then put it into practice. If you're still struggling after that, then you need to think about whether you will ever actually be able to do the job that they want you to do. It's fine to suggest an alternative approach like doing more admin, but if they're telling you that that won't work for them, you need to accept that it isn't an option. They are paying you to do a particular job that you were hired to do. If you want to stay, you are going to need to demonstrate that you can do that job... not a different job that they haven't asked you to take on.