Is losing a pet the same as losing a relative?

[Thejewellershands]

This question has been inspired from another thread that I read this morning and got me wondering.

Do you think that losing a pet is comparable/the same as losing a relative?

I have a dog and two cats and on one hand if I lost a close family member and someone compares it to them losing their cat I’d probably be a bit annoyed. But then again, when I put myself in the position of losing one of my animals I know that I will feel utterly devastated and heartbroken. Grief is grief and loss is loss. But are they comparable? What do you think?

My old dog just died a couple of weeks ago and had you asked me a year ago I would have said that obviously you can’t compare and you have to be prepared for grief when you get a pet.

But, I have never been this sad and I don’t understand why. We just loved her so much and I am truly grieving. Our cat is grieving too. She is 17 and they were such good friends. This has come as a surprise and I think only people who has been through the same can understand. It seems so anyway, because when you mention it you can see in their eyes that they know the hurt.

It really depends how close you are to the pet or the relative. My husband grieved his dog more than his own mother (there's a backstory there tho)

Much less paperwork and bureaucracy involved in losing a pet. Fewer loose ends to tie up.

For those reasons (if not any others), I would say familial loss is generally more onerous than pet loss.

I always scoffed at those who lost their dog or cat when they took time off. Then I lost my first pet and I now offer a lot more sympathy. I think in a lot of cases it is worse than losing a relative, especially those without anyone to live with

I have lost multiple extended family members plus my dad at only 51 and my grandparents who I was very close to. I miss them all dearly and think about them every day but the grief I felt when I lost my dog was much more difficult. He was my constant companion, I grew up with him, he came to work with me every day and was my best friend. Again, there’s not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. I like to think he’s up there with them all.

I have another dog now who I somehow love even more than my last boy which I would never have thought possible. He is young and fit and healthy but I absolutely dread losing him. However, I know that the heartbreaking grief I would feel losing him wouldn’t be the same as if I were (god forbid) to lose my child or my mum. That would be a whole new level of heartbreak and grief that I hope to never experience.

Those are the only two human beings in the world I would say that about though, they’re the only two who I love more than my dog. I do also have cats who I adore and will be so very sad when they go but it wouldn’t be the same as the dog.

It’s not a binary answer. IME - losing my father and various pets- the shock of the loss is the same, but the length of grieving and the depth of losing a human is much more complex.

I've had lots of pets. But the loss of one in particular has been particularly painful and enduring and actually has been a bigger loss than some of our human family.
In the main I don't think it's comparable but sometimes you have pets that you are especially attached to and sometimes you have humans that you grieve less for.

Honestly it depends on how much you love the being who passes. I was upset when my mum passed away 3 years ago. But the grief of losing my cat, affected me far more. My relationship with my mother was okay, but not filled with great amounts of love. More respect and support than a loving relationship. My cat gave me unconditional love ❤️

You shouldn't be comparing loss at all. Grief is grief. It is never equal, nor greater or less than anyone else's. It is personal to you.

I have pets and have suffered a a close bereavement, for some people losing a pet is probably much harder than it is for others and i can see that losing a pet you see every day could have more of an impact on someone than losing a family member you don’t see often.

But to compare any kind of pet loss to the grief that that’s some feels when the lose a child or other close family member is absolutely nuts, I don’t believe that anyone who says it is the same can seriously believe it!

I don’t think you can compare them.

It depends on the family member, how close you were, if it came as a shock or if they lived in your home etc.

I have been more upset by my cat dying than my grandparents.

My elderly dog dying is going to be one of the hardest things I’m going to deal with.

Its not that I love my grandparents less, it’s the fact that for years my cat and dog have been there in my home every single day for years and so I feel/will feel the loss greater than someone who I see much less.

My pets are absolutely family members.

But I’m sure if I lost my DD or even my parents or siblings then I would be more upset about them, especially if they died unexpectedly/young.

I am very fortunate that I’ve only experienced older relatives dying and so I’m not able to compare the two directly, but even if I had I think they’re incomparable.

I don’t like when people feel that a pet dying deserves less grief than a human.

At work, a lady lost her dog (lives alone) and took time off due to grief and there were staff members who felt it was unfair because it was ‘just a dog’.
Fortunately, most of us including or boss didn’t feel that way and she was told not to come in and we shared her responsibilities between us.

Why?
My mum spent her life telling me how fat, ugly and what a disappointment I was, I wasn't the blonde petite thin daughter she wanted. Add the silent treatment on to that and blackmailing me into an abortion

Compared to a decade with my horse who was who I went to when things with family was bad, she was always there, never judged and I spent way more time there than I did with my mum

Of course losing my horse was harder because she was my home, not my mum

Im not sentimental about my pets. I give them the best life while they are alive but it's always going to be the case that they will die.
I'm not particularly sentimental about my extended family either. My most recent one was the death of my aunt, but she was 91, and it was her time.
I'm sadder if the pet is killed or a relative dies 'early'. My husband died suddenly at 51. That I will never get over.

We lost our dog the other week and the grief is horrendous, but it has also brought back the grief of losing a parent seven years ago. I am not in a good place at the moment. But hopefully the happy memories of both will eventually replace the tears

Why? You not personally relating to it doesn’t mean it isn’t true for others.

Why does it even matter, really? Grief is a personal thing, what someone else would or wouldn’t feel neither invalidates nor validates what you would.

Another who would say - it depends. My dog is elderly, I know we are coming to the end of his life. It is breaking my heart.
I know I will grieve for him intensely when the time comes, and I do think that is harder because so few people in my real life will understand how hard it will be.

As others say, grief is very personal; it’s probably more complex with an adult human than it is with a pet. But all grief is valid.

You don't say it out loud though I think. If someone said that they understood how I was feeling over the death of my child because their dog or cat died, I might actually punch them in the face. It's not the same.

You get a dog, you give it an awesome life. You love it dearly but you know you're likely going to outlive it. You don't expect the same of a child.

I don't think they should be compared. People who say their dog passing away was like losing a member of their family have probably never had to face losing their child - they are clearly not the same.

A close family member or a friend dying young, unexpectedly or in a horrific way is a lot worse then a pet dying however someone like an uncle who was 90 died in his sleep peacefully and I hadn't seen for 10 years then a pet would be worse. It's very situational just like with people.

Yeah - I think some of it depends on whether you expected the relative to die during your lifetime. We know that Rover and Great-Aunt Millie will most likely die before we do, but if the relative is younger than we are or dies unexpectedly young, that’s very emotional.

I found it harder when I suddenly lost my horse to a traumatic field injury than when my mum passed.

I appreciate that may make me sound like a terrible person but my life revolved around the horse. She had been my purpose for 10 years and encompassed all my hopes, my dreams and my way of life. I also felt a degree of responsibility for the injury she suffered.

I think different things hit different people differently.

They are not comparable. To lose a pet, yes its sad, but people can and do replace them with relative ease if they so wish. To lose a beloved parent, spouse, sibling, or child is not "sad", it is utterly devastating.

They do indeed.

I agree. Different people, families, relationships - nothing with grief is right or wrong, it just is.

I will just say though that the love of an animal is the purest and most beautiful thing and something that we all should treasure.

You love who you love, pet or relative. My Uncle died and I couldn't have cared less (nasty bastard). One of my cats passed away and I was devastated.