Is losing a pet the same as losing a relative?

[Thejewellershands]

This question has been inspired from another thread that I read this morning and got me wondering.

Do you think that losing a pet is comparable/the same as losing a relative?

I have a dog and two cats and on one hand if I lost a close family member and someone compares it to them losing their cat I’d probably be a bit annoyed. But then again, when I put myself in the position of losing one of my animals I know that I will feel utterly devastated and heartbroken. Grief is grief and loss is loss. But are they comparable? What do you think?

Depends

Losing my horse wrecked me, I had her for a decade and when things were shit, she was my home. Then she died, it was really shit and I was homesick with no home to go to
My legs went from under me when I found out and I didn't think that actually happened except in books

Losing my mum - we weren't that close and it was a slow decline with dementia and a relief when she was free from it

This

Everyone’s different. For some people, it certainly will be comparable. We feel what we feel.

Some people have much stronger emotional bonds with pets than others, and equally some people are not particularly close to relatives. There’s also the mismatch between human and animal lifespans - we have a much shorter time with a pet than we do with most relatives, so it can feel like a premature loss even when the animal has had a really good innings for their species.

My family definitely, definitely felt the loss of our dog as a bereavement when I was a child. I was 10 and I honestly felt like I’d lost a twin. And the whole family was devastated.

My sister’s husband admitted when their dog died that he’d never felt grief like it before.

I have lost a child. The grief is all consuming. I bought a puppy as a way to deal with it. If anything happens to the dog I will go to pieces.

My best friend could not have children. She has two dogs.

I know when they die, she will be devastated and wouldn't dream of trying to minimise that.

Nothing is simple.

Losing a pet hits very hard because of the intense physical and emotional absence. No dog to greet you at the door or accompany you on a walk. No cat jumping up on to your lap or snuggling up at bedtime. The animals I’ve grieved for the most deeply were with me for years and had a million little interactions with through the day.

Surely it depends on the relative and the circumstances. A 95 year old great aunt who you hardly ever saw and who had a good life and died peacefully - yes, I can easily see how the death of a beloved dog might be worse.
Your own baby - no, that is far far worse than a pet.

I think it depends on the pet and the relative/relationship.

I lost my Ddog almost 2 years ago and it left me heartbroken. His death affected me much more than the death of my Uncle or grandma who I loved but didn't see loads.

Ddog was with me every day for his 13 years (except when we were on holiday). I had to look after him and put his needs first - for walks, not leaving him too long etc

He was my comfort and my companion. His loss changed my life and routines - no need to go out for walks/don't want to go out for walks as they're just not the same without him. I would feel his loss when I come home and he wasn't there to greet me as he had done for 13 years. I work at home a lot and he would be by my desk so I would miss him there.
If I was stressed or upset he would relax and comfort me, by stroking him or taking him out for a walk. So his loss affected this.

I am married and have a 10 year old son, but the loss of Ddog still had a profound effect on me.

It is also not the case that I haven't lost close relatives so don't really know what that's like. I lost my dad 17 years ago.

I have lost two of my cats in the last eight months. It was absolutely devastating. But on the other hand, I know they will only be with me for a few years. And although a new cat will never replace them, it helps to give another homeless cat a loving home. Not the same as loosing a close friend or relative at all.

They are like a relative. They’re a member of the family

I’ll feel sadder when my dog goes than I did when my grandparent died, who wasn’t very nice and I didn’t see much

It depends mostly on the context. For example, my grandmothers - one died peacefully after tidying her garden, having a cup of tea and sitting in her chair. The other had been waiting to go for a while, said she was happy that she'd done everything she wanted to in her life and had no regrets.

I was sad for myself that I'd never see them again, but I couldn't be upset for them because both knew that it was time and they were happy with what they'd done with their lives. If anything, I was happy for them because they lived complete lives and they departed before they could fade into empty shells like so many.

Compare that with some of the dogs we've lost - three of them went long before their time, one from heart problems during the worst heatwave we had, one from complications after recovering from a broken neck, and another from breathing problems caused by an attack from another dog. Those were absolutely heartbreaking and I still cry about them regularly, even years later.

Part of it is that most dogs don't die of natural causes - we have an active part to play in them passing away; while it's the greatest gift we can give them to die without excessive suffering (something we can't do for our relatives), it doesn't stop you from second-guessing yourself. But it's also that they lived their lives completely devoted to us, and we were completely responsible for them. That brings a level of attachment that can be far stronger than that between family members.

Surely it depends on the relative in question 🤷‍♀️

If it was my arsehole brother -v- my beautiful loyal dog... then I'd be more devastated over losing my dog and wouldn't give a rats shit about my waste of space brother.

Same dog -v- any of my children...then the dog would be consigned to the very bottom of the grief barrel (much as I love her of course!!)

It can be depending on the closeness of the relationship. I had a difficult relationship with my dad when he died and when my dog died, it affected me more.

However, it's something you should keep to yourself and never, ever say to anyone else. My friend lost her 7 year old child and was destroyed when someone told her they lost a pet so knew how she felt. That is not remotely comparable and its a really shitty, disgusting thing to say to someone who has lost their child.

But then if the person was childless, their pet probably did feel like their child, so the grief they would feel would be the most painful grief they’d experience.

Having children myself, I imagine the pain would be incomparable but that doesn’t mean I would judge a person for their grief of losing a pet.

There’s no objective answer to this question, it’s entirely dependent on the individual.

Grief isn’t ranked, and it isn’t a competition.

But then if the person was childless, their pet probably did feel like their child, so the grief they would feel would be the most painful grief they’d experience

Fine to feel it, not ok to say it. Not every thought needs to be verbalised out loud.

Personally, no comparison. I’m very fond of the cats but don’t anthropomorphize.

I guess for some people losing a pet can be just as hard as losing a family member. It will depend in how close people are to their family.

However, in general, losing a family member or friend will hit harder than losing a pet. So, to publicly compare the two - to someone who is grieving a loved family member at the time - would be deemed insensitive at the very least.

I think it is different but also comparable in some respects. If you have owned a dog, for example, for 15 years, watched it grow from a puppy, nurtured it, been loved by it unconditionally, it's been there when you go to sleep and when you wake up, and then you have cared for it in its final days, you have experienced a relationship from start to finish that you wouldn't normally experience with a family member.

I've had cats all my life, had one, was amazing but also the most spiteful little shit you'd ever meet. Free range, rural. Lived for 24 fucking years of perfect health. We were very sad but he was the sort of cat you respected rather than loved.

Had another, very amazing, super soft giant farm cat, incredibly loving, died at 12 and felt like much more of a loss, especially in light of enjoying nearly a quarter century of the other little bastard

Some would say no but when I lost my horse I was as upset as when I lost my mum however the grieving process was much shorter than my losing a parent. I believe you feel how you feel and no one can tell you if it's comparable or not.

i can handle human death much better than my pets dying. Humans live their own lives but my pets depend on me and that includes depending on me to notice they are unwell. Theyre so defenceless and i cant help but perceive it as a failure on my part when they pass no matter how much £ i throw at the vets. I honestly couldn't talk or function for at least a week when i lost my first guinea pig 4 years ago. Everyone is different.

I grieved when one of our cats died, aged just two. She was one of the sweetest-natured cats I’d ever met. I cried everyday for more than two weeks. The rest of the family were also very upset.

But the grief passed. I knew it wasn’t remotely comparable to the grief of losing a close relative.

One of our guinea pigs died 2 years ago and another 2 months ago. I am grieving both of them, they were lovely animals. I am still grieving for my lovely gran who died in 1997, and my great dad who died 3 years ago. I am now trying to compare these feelings and to me, they feel much the same. I suspect I’m quite average in this and it doesn’t worry me, like a pp said, it isn’t a competition, the capacity to love, whether human or pet, is surely a good thing.

For me losing my 18 years old dog was much worse than any family member that has died. All my family members were elderly and it was expected. I was sad but when my dog died I was heartbroken.

Don't be ashamed. You have to bear in mind that when you've had consecutive losses sometimes you may feel you're grieving for one person or pet when you're actually facing strong feelings of grief from a previous loss that have been dredged back up again. Your brain finds ways to make these things as easy as possible to deal with.