Is losing a pet the same as losing a relative?

[Thejewellershands]

This question has been inspired from another thread that I read this morning and got me wondering.

Do you think that losing a pet is comparable/the same as losing a relative?

I have a dog and two cats and on one hand if I lost a close family member and someone compares it to them losing their cat I’d probably be a bit annoyed. But then again, when I put myself in the position of losing one of my animals I know that I will feel utterly devastated and heartbroken. Grief is grief and loss is loss. But are they comparable? What do you think?

Depends on relationships with the family member. My lovely Mum died suddenly 10 years ago this month and the shock and sadness was immeasurable. My beautiful JRT died 5 yrmears ago and I was also truly heartbroken but the loss of my darling Mum was far more heartbreaking.

my mum died alone, very suddenly. I loved her with all my heart. I’ve recently had someone I know tell me the understand how I feel because their cat died suddenly. Seriously. On the other hand, if my dad died… I think I’d be more sad about my cat.

I don't think there's only one answer to this. There are so many variables and people experience things differently at different times in their lives.

When I was a uni student my mum died suddenly and I grieved hard. It was devastating.

My young, very beloved dog died very suddenly a few years ago. I felt my heart break when she died, something I don't remember feeling when my mum died.

Generally though, I don't think they are comparable. I think most people find the loss of family worse than the loss of a pet. As much as I love all my dogs and miss those who have died, I can't bear to contemplate losing my daughter.

I just wanted to say I’m so sorry. I know it’s because it’s struck a chord as I’m going through it and it’s been nearly 2 and a half years and I just wanted to say that your post made me feel a little bit more normal in feeling the way I do so thank you for that. Grief can be so isolating and you wrote that post as if it were yesterday you’d gone through it, it really helped me feel like it was ok to still be grieving.

People can be very clumsy when trying to sympathise with others. I am sure it was meant kindly.

I think that people are entitled to feel whatever they want to feel but there's a taboo around this for a reason. If anyone compared the pain of the premature death of my 38 year old sibling, who left two children under 10 and a wife behind him, to the pain of losing their cat, I wouldn't actually be responsible for my reaction.

It's not the feeling of the feelings, it's the voicing them.

I personally think it was thoughtless. I don’t think it was meant badly but I know this is the first loss the person has suffered in their life.

Well of course it can be. Perhaps the pet is all you have, perhaps the pet was your solace.

I’ve grieved some pets more than others, some relatives more than others.

I think it very much depends. Iv felt both differently

iv lost multiple people including a parent unexpectedly when I was only just into adulthood and my pet.

Some people I felt more deeply (like my parent) than losing my cat but with others I definitely felt losing her more than some of the people I’ve lost.

i loved my cat, I was devastated when she went and even all this time later I miss her intensely.

I absolutely do not identify with people who don’t think losing your pet is a big deal!

with all that being said I would never compare out loud my losing my cat to someone losing a person especially if it’s a recent loss.

I have family who have lost children and I have never seen grief so acute.
without having gone through it myself I can’t know but my assumption is this would probably blow any other loss away.

I've lost my best friend and both my parents so I know grief first hand.

The worst grief I have endured has been for my darling dog who died last August. I was broken by it. She spent almost every second of every day with me for a decade. She was by my side trough the previous bereavements, always there, always a comfort, always fun and loyal, never critical, always unconditionally loving. She never once let me down.

Dear thing was my complete responsibility and I think that's part of the difference. You don't have that feeling for friends or parents, they're their own person, but a pet is entirely in your care.

When I couldn't keep her safe any more the feeling was devastating. She died peacefully in my arms at the vet after a long happy life, so I couldn't have wanted more for her.

I was and remain lost without her. She is my first loss without her by my side for comfort and purpose. People say to me, 'well you can get another dog', but I can't get another her.

I don’t think anyone can ever compare losing a pet to that of a parent losing a child. Other than that I’d say it was subjective to the individual.

This thread says it all really. You would only think it was comparable if you don’t have a good relationship with the person.

My cat dying was heartbreaking, however, I certainly wouldn’t dream of reaching out to my friend who lost her mother to say I completely understand because of it!!

The emotions and the absolute devastation of witnessing both sudden deaths of my lovely 59year old mum and my then my amazing 10year old dog on each of the days was comparable. The grief after is not.
My life is totally different than it would have been had my mum still been here. Xmas, birthdays, Mother’s Day, and other holidays and family get togethers.
Even just normal weekends and the things we would do. She worked at my place of work so that’s been hard, I saw her every day.
My dd has no recollection of her.
Dealing with my dad and his grief and everything that comes with that has been so challenging and still is 4 years on. My relationship with him is totally different than it was before and not for the better. So I grieve all of that.
I miss my dog so much she was so good and we didn’t deserve her but the impact on my life isn’t the same.

For me, losing a pet is worse. (Have lost parents, in laws, and late miscarriages) Although losing Dh will be comparable.

Yes. I am still grieving for my dog who I lost 4 years ago. In a similar way to how I grieve for my dad

I guess it depends to some extent on the pet and the relative. Losing a hamster can't really be compared with losing a spouse, but losing a much-loved dog or cat probably could be compared with losing a great-uncle you rarely saw.

I do think the way some people describe their relationships with their pets is odd though, and makes me wonder about whether those pet owners have ever had a good relationship with another person. People say things like their cat or dog is 'always there for them' or 'never let them down' or is 'always loyal' - I mean what is a dog going to let you down over? Not cooking dinner when they'd promised or cheating on you with another owner? And of course your dog is always there for you - you are their source of food and protection. They can't buy a house of their own or fix their own dinner. They love you because you look after them. They're not driving you to the station or giving helpful advice about a work problem.

There's no definitive answer to this as grief is very individual.

At the risk of sounding heartless...
You'll only ever have one of certain relatives - like parents. And siblings that you grow up with.
You'll have many pets over your lifetime.
As much as I love my cats it'll be NOTHING compared to the lose of a close relative.
Loss of a cousin, or ILs - huh. hard to decide.

No it's not at all comparable. I have lost both and losing a pet is nothing like losing a much loved close relative

Depends doesn't it. I see my dog every day, my sister twice a year and my cousin never. So personally that is relevant but on terms of the effect on the family it is a different outcome.

Doesn't this thread show how different we all are.

So hurtful to say that you wonder if posters who adored their pets have never had a good relationship with another person. I am broken by the loss of my dog but had wonderful relationships with my parents, have been married to a wonderful man whom I adore completely for 40 years, love my brother with all my heart and have several lifelong friends who I would go to the ends of the earth for.

It doesn't stop you loving your pet with all your heart and grieving for them. It's different. I suppose if you've never experienced it, you can't understand.

I mean what is a dog going to let you down over?

It's the fact that they don't that makes them so precious.

I agree with every word @Churchview

You only ever have one of each pet. They're not interchangeable like cushions.

You never really know how you will feel about each loss until it happens.

Well it really depends doesn't it

It certainly can be

I'm not sure you can always compartmentalise grief; one loss can bring back grief from other losses in my experience.