Is losing a pet the same as losing a relative?

[Thejewellershands]

This question has been inspired from another thread that I read this morning and got me wondering.

Do you think that losing a pet is comparable/the same as losing a relative?

I have a dog and two cats and on one hand if I lost a close family member and someone compares it to them losing their cat I’d probably be a bit annoyed. But then again, when I put myself in the position of losing one of my animals I know that I will feel utterly devastated and heartbroken. Grief is grief and loss is loss. But are they comparable? What do you think?

If its a close family member that you love no it's not comparable.

If its great great aunt Doris at 104 who you can remember meeting once then yes.

I lost a cat and an auntie over Christmas. I cried a lot for both and couldn’t always tell who I was crying for. To be honest the cat had more impact on my day to day life as they were in the house with me where as my aunt I saw maybe every other month. I still think about them both every day and miss both and couldn’t choose who I was more upset about losing. I love both very dearly and miss both in equal but different ways.

It’s not a question of ‘humanising’. It’s a question of a profound affection for a living creature who has been a very affectionate (and especially in the case of a dog) a very loyal companion.

I think it depends on the person and their circumstances. It’s not really a sweeping answer I don’t think. For some people they don’t have great people around them, and their pets are their family and their purpose. I think in those instances, yes, the loss is comparable.

i do t think it’s unusual to grieve your dog or cat more than a elderly great aunt but a parent, child, sibling I think that’s weird. Plus life expectancy of a cat or dog is much shorter than a human so you know it could come soon.

I was NC with most of my family for much of my adult life, haven't seen rapist brother in decades aside from a funeral...
My cat is with me everyday and is always (well on her terms) loving and affectionate.
No contest.

When my father died, he wasn't incredibly old (mid 70s), he'd been very unwell and spent the last fifteen months of his life in and out of hospital, no dignity and very little quality of life.
By contrast, when after years of medication for kidney disease, the Vet said he could do very little more for my cat and she was probably in pain with little quality of life, as hard as it was I took his advice and had her PTS. That's the end I'd choose for myself.

It depends on your relationships with other relatives. I won’t grieve when my parents finally die. Not all parents are great, or even half decent.

I cried a lot more when my dog died than when my mum died. I didn’t have a bad relationship with my mum and we all loved her, but I wasn’t upset when she died. Heartbroken when our darling, sweet dog died though and I think and talk about him every day.

I love my dogs far more than most of my family members.

I haven't lost a relative yet that I've shed a tear for. I can't say the same for my animals.

Absolutely, we adore my dog and have lost dogs before and it’s awful, compatible in my opinion and I’ve lost a parent

When we lost our dog last year it was painful, I obviously cried, I felt lost without him, remembered him every day for months, looked for him everyday I woke or came back to the house. I WFH, so he was always there and I still occasionally talk to him when alone. I had a day off and then went back to work and tears of sorrow fell discussing with colleagues.

When I lost each of my parents the pain was palpable and hit me like a train. I sobbed, I couldn’t go to bed without sobbing myself to sleep, proper couldn’t catch my breath sobbing. When I took the dog out for a walk and found myself in the woods alone, I sobbed, I cried at work in the loo every time someone said sorry about your mum/dad, I needed 2 weeks off work and still didn’t feel ready to return. It took weeks before I didn’t have a cry for them (or myself) each morning in the shower.

10 and 4 years on from losing my parents I can still shed a tear thinking about them. 1 year on from losing my dog, who was the bestest boy ever and always by my side, I have such fond memories of him but I don’t imagine I will cry for him again.

For me all the losses were obviously sad, but losing close family is on a completely different stratosphere and I would not understand anyone who has lost a pet and a parent and say they were in any way comparable, I would assume they had a very negative relationship with their parent. I have never lost a child, I can’t begin to comprehend how traumatic that must be, but anyone who thinks it is ever ok to seriously compare losing a pet to losing a child needs a firm word.

It's certainly up there. We had our cat (one of a bonded pair) from 16 weeks old until she had to be PTS at 18. She was an indoor cat and part of our family. She was so affectionate, chatty and until she got ill, interested and into everything, a right little character.

The grief is less multi dimensional than the grief I feel for my parents but can still be as sharp on occasion.

Agree. People probably think I humanise my dog as I adore him but I don’t, I love him as a dog and everything I adore about him is down to him being a dog. I don’t want him to be a human, a dog is more loyal than a human

Well it depends I think. If I had a relative that I didn't care much for, I probably wouldn't be as heartbroken as I was when we lost our beloved family dog. I will be absolutely devastated when we lose our current dog, he's getting old now and we all adore him, but it cannot be compared to the loss of a child or much loved parent. In my opinion.

No, I've lost pets but the grief isn't on going like it is when you lose a close family member.

But grief is grief and it's ok. I probably wouldn't ask for time off work for it though.

Why are we comparing apples and oranges?

Is Emily going to mourn her estranged uncle more or her dog with whom she lives by herself for the last 14 years more?

Is Peter going to mourn his very close twin sister more or his wife’s chihuahua more?

Surely it depends on 1) what relative and what sort of relationship it is 2) the role the pet has played in that specific persons life ?

It's different, but different doesn't necessarily mean better or worse.

I lost my pet last month & I was totally unprepared for the devastation & grief. It hurts just as much as losing a human-family member or close friend... but it's still different.

I don't have a child yet, but I know that grief for my child would be far greater. I know that the grief I will feel for my parents will be worse, too.

The love for a pet is much simpler than love for a human, which can be as complicated & messy as ourselves.

My life is marked in a different way by my pets than it is by the humans I love and is affected differently when they die. Socially, as well, our identities & social place are closely tied to and defined by our relationships with other humans, in a way they are simply not with animals. This contributes to different experiences of grief even when the love for each is the same (or greater for the pet).

My close family members who have died have done so traumatically and suddenly. My gorgeous dog also died suddenly and unexpectedly. So I guess the shock was similar immediately. However the ongoing shock and pain of losing a 16 year old child to losing a dog can NOT be compared and I think I would actually want to cause physical injury to anyone who said so.
I still think of and miss my sweet dog but have now a new one. Children/ parents and siblings can never be replaced. Life changes forever

Depends. I was far more upset about my dog dying than I was about my mum dying.

I think the comparisons are appalling. But then I find this whole fur baby thing nauseating. I adore my animals-but losing them is nothing like losing a human being.

Having lost both my Cat and My 5 Day Old Son, I Can confirm they’re incomparable. If you don’t understand this, then thank your lucky stars you never have to.

I think it's different for everyone, and different depending on the pet and the loved one. It's also different depending on the circumstances. I don't think there is an answer that fits everyone. I find the loss of pets very difficult, but I'm with them every day. If a loved one has been ill for a long time and death is expected, I think this is an easier grief than sudden loss etc

Yes.
We see them daily, they meet us at the door.
Their character is never replaceable.
Extended family's animals as well, I have cared for them and become part of our family.
When my cat passed away, I realised how much a part of the family he was, including family asking after him.
This was my child's first loss, which was difficult.
It is different for all of us.
When we had to decide on the vets offer of paw prints, I was pleased someone else said yes, which I appreciated later that evening.

Love for pets is often more uncomplicated than for people, so the grief can sometimes catch you by surprise. I dont think you can compare, personally. In general we dont want to compare pets to people, but no one has the right to say there is a wrong and right level of grieving.